30 days!
Feeling pretty good about this. I think I finally have a good mindset, so even with the ups and downs (even a fall), I think I can stay well aimed.
one thing I'm worried about is that if I'm feeling down for a few days I'm particularly vulnerable.Trying to live healthfully and be productive, so hopefully I can ward that off.

One tangible sign of improvement is that I used to want nocturnal emmisions alot more. Not thats that's totally gone, but its not on my mind before I go to sleep as often.

It's crazy to think this thread is this long already. One day when I need a real boost I think I'll read through it. Should be helpful to see how how I've grown, especially in terms of how my mindset has changed. 

Thanks for keeping with me.
jj

Jj123 wrote on 16 Aug 2020 01:34:

Mazol tov!  And you have been real source of inspiration to us. 

Wow that was fast.
In a pretty stressful situation right now. An escape would be really nice. I find that when I'm lusting all other thoughts and worries get shoved to the side and out of my head, and I can forget about my stress and predicament. I could honestly use that feeling now.

Not worth it since the stress and stuff hits twice as hard after.
But even without that it would be stupid. Because there is more to me than pleasure and pain.
(And I have no interest in my taphsic k'nas
Anyhow iyH ill get through this. More of an external desire than internal, if that makes sense.
This situation will probably last a few days.
I'll try to post again if I feel I the need.
Cheers

Jj123 wrote on 17 Aug 2020 00:44:

You got this brother! Also, good to remember there are plenty of guys who would be happy for you to reach out to them in case you need some emergency support (this dude is one of them). KOT!

Adding my support. You said stress is your issue, and the next day you get stressed? Sounds like an obvious test to me. But with your attitude, you're gonna crush it. 

Much Hatzlocha

Hi Jj123,

I am also going through stressful times and anxiety right now. Feels like in an impasse and going after lust would be a good way out. But it's a lie obviously. 

In those hard times, the best strategy is often to remain busy with productive things (sport, Torah study, etc.). This will have two critical benefits : having us think about something else while the anxiety wave is passing, but will also decrease the wave power and reduce its duration.

And that's especially true for Torah study. When you get through the first minutes which are the hardest and you get fully involved into the sougia, you enter in a state completely out of space and time, where all your mind, spirit, body, all your members are immersed in Torah light and everything else melt into it. You get out of this like out of a Mikva, purified and renewed. 

But to reach that state we need to open the Guemara and go through the first minutes, which is not easy !

Guard1 wrote on 17 Aug 2020 16:10:

Very true.

Thank you @guard1 great point.
Another thing that helps me is to not run away from the stress. When I'm stressed I naturally want to do something and just get going. But I find that that just compounds things. Instead I like to admit to myself that I'm stresed and in a not easy spot, and think about what all my responsibilities are that I need to take care of.

Once I have it broken down like that it becomes a bit less overwhelming.

Some may disagree with this, but I find that I have a ton of stuff going on, picking up a sefer not during a set seder and getting deep into a sugya might help in the short term, but it doesn't really deal with the underlying problem.

On the other hand, even when we know what needs to be done etc, the situation can be a stressful one, period. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree that staying productive and keeping to a regular routine helps maintain sanity.
Also there is a difference between productive the thinking/digesting and unproductive worrying/fretting.

Not sure how coherent this all is, but anyhow another day in the books

Ok 35 days in.
The most stressful part of the ordeal is over, so that's good.
Not compulsively visiting gye as much, which I think is because I'm less bored and this inyan is less on my mind, so that's good too.

Next post not after @40 iyH

Thank G-d things are going pretty well. 
I recently realized that I've been going on the gye app when bored, which is decently often. I'm thinking about deleting the app for a week even though I only access gye from my phone, because at this point it might be better for me to not have my mind on this stuff as much, even gye.
Am I getting ahead of myself and being foolish?
I still have my taphsic going and can always download the app when things get rough.

Jj123 wrote on 24 Aug 2020 23:18:

It doesn't sound like you are being foolish. It sounds like you are practicing self awareness. In my experience, one of the keys to overcoming struggles in this area is to learn to trust your judgement and your ability to make good decisions. Obviously, this does not preclude staying humble and learning from others. 

Signing off till day 45 unless i feel the need to come back earlier.

Hatzlachah!

wilnevergiveup wrote on 26 Aug 2020 19:51:

Second that.

Jj123 wrote on 25 Aug 2020 19:16:

I hope you won't feel the need to come back earlier, but I hope you come back earlier for our need. We're gonna miss your wise words and priceless input. 

Have a wonderful streak and a beautiful year!