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Loosing the luster
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TOPIC: Loosing the luster 6199 Views

Re: Loosing the luster 19 Apr 2020 02:40 #348462

  • Jj123
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Day #2
Thank you guard1 and nevergiveup. I really appreciate it. It was hard to sign back into gye after, and that is something I can be a bit proud of... I fell 3 times in 2 days, and posting helped me regain control. Theres a whole shift in perspective that comes with a fall, and hopefully I can use that to my advantage. I think I mentioned at some point before i fell that this time is different because i committed for the long run. Nows my time to prove it.
Something I thought of over Shabbos that helped me:

The only thing more painful than getting up is not getting up.

Anyhow, I'm giving myself a few days to really recalibrate my gedarim and plan. For now i plan on ordering something for myself in a week (motzei shabbos) if i make it there. Too painful to go back to the drawing board right away.

Thanks again for the encouragement.

All the best

Re: Loosing the luster 19 Apr 2020 08:50 #348472

  • wilnevergiveup
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Keep it up! And keep posting!
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Loosing the luster 20 Apr 2020 00:50 #348494

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Day #3 is in the books.
Something happened today that made me happy. 
I shed a tear.
So maybe I really have made a dent over the last few months.
Next stop: Day #4

Re: Loosing the luster 21 Apr 2020 04:03 #348540

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Day #4 complete
One day at a time is harder said than done. It's so easy to only look at the long term and thereby loose sight of everything. Especially important in the first week or two, I think.
Also, I hope to start visiting gye no more than once a day. I have the app on my phone and sometimes open it when I'm bored. There are worse things in the world, but I don't think I'm doing myself any favors. It can't be good to have my mind in this stuff more than necessary.
Day #5, here I come.

Re: Loosing the luster 21 Apr 2020 05:21 #348543

  • realestatemogul
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Hey Jj123,

How come I didn't get an invite to the party, unless you didn't make one? I would recommend making a huge celebration on the incredible accomplishment you made! 40+ days strong!!! PLUS you got back up so quickly!!  

Sheva Yipol Tzadik V'kam - Falling is part of becoming a tzadik, but only through getting back up right away. You really are doing incredible and Hashem is super proud! 

As far as advice, the only reason to look behind you is to think about ways to improve, NOT chas vshalom to be down on yourself. Otherwise, keep yours focus on straight ahead of you and just doing the next best thing for your shmiras eynayim and shmiras habris. 

Also, torah tavlin is really important. Strengthen yourself in Avodas Hashem and that will also help. 

Keep on inspiring us!!

Re: Loosing the luster 23 Apr 2020 02:15 #348658

  • Jj123
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Thank you REM!
That was on right on point.
Over Pesach I didn't learn close to enough, and I'm trying to work on that.
I also really liked that idea of how and why to look back at failure.
And I wish I felt good enough about what I've done to think it is party-worthy. Sadly I'm just not there.

Nothing like some good chizzuk from someone who cares!

Re: Loosing the luster 23 Apr 2020 02:53 #348663

  • Jj123
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6 days in.
It's literally a miracle I didn't fall today. I'm extremely stressed and the only thing that stopped me from falling is that I'd have to wrote that on this forum. Don't know how much longer that'll hold. If I fall I'll hopefully force myself to get a sponsor.
Tonight will be hard.
I am feeling very weak, but I'm holding on, even if by only a thread.
One day at a time I guess. A lot easier said than done though.

Re: Loosing the luster 23 Apr 2020 03:33 #348673

  • realestatemogul
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As crazy as it sounds, you are reminding me of memories thinking that I fell so bad I was too embarrassed to post. I really didn't want to post another zero days....

However, now I look back at that and it gives me joy! It was such an important step and how I am here today at 140 days. So many people try this once and when they hit zero they never come back. Many people who used GYE successful are the ones who said, "I fell but I am going to start at zero again and go forward!"

You did something heroic when you came back on and said I am going to try again and keep going! You may not be on the level now to appreciate it, but as soon as you get out of the mud and clean yourself up, you will realize how picking yourself back up was actually incredibly special. 

Re: Loosing the luster 23 Apr 2020 09:09 #348679

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Hey Jj123. Don't forget, the pain of resisting to lust if much less than the pain of falling.

I've listened to a shiour where the Rav said that our be'hira is not on the act itself, but on the vision of the situation what we set up before the act. Indeed, before we fall, we create a false vision of the situation in which the avera seems justified, it might even seem like a mitsva ! This is where the y'h acts : falsify the truth vision of the world.

Once you have accepted a false vision of the world, doing the avera is just a consequence of that acceptation.

So this is where be'hira stands : do I want to listen to what is true, or close my eyes on it so that I can succomb to lust ? Do I listen to the y'h right away or do I take a few minutes to think about it ?

We know that if we wait a little bit and meditate on simple truths with our reason, the y'h has no chance, and this is why sometimes we intentionnally close our eyes on these truths and act quickly before we have the time to think.

So maybe you could just take the time to think about some simple truths you already know about this fight, and medidate on it with your reason ?

For example : Give in to lust 1 000 times will never be enough, and give in once is already too much. If you fall, the lust will come back anyway, and stronger, making the challenge even harder.

The y'h makes you think that if you try to resist, the urge will stay forever, so you'd better just give in right now, it's his best trick ! If you say "no !" just a few times, then the urge will fade away (it will come back later, but you'll be safe for a moment, and the next time you'll be stronger and the urge weaker)

This is the truth.

Focus on how you will feel after if you fall, and how you will feel if you resist. Tell your y'h "Your offer is interesting, but look, this is how I will feel after doing what you want me to do"

Keep moving forward !
Last Edit: 23 Apr 2020 09:15 by Guard1.

Re: Loosing the luster 24 Apr 2020 17:23 #348743

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Well said. It's so easy to fall into the trap "of just this once" especially when the feeling becomes overwhelming. 
I'm a bit scared to practice mindfulness of the urge.
What are the keys to doing it well?

Re: Loosing the luster 26 Apr 2020 15:10 #348765

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Day #9 in the books.

It's really amazing how sometimes I don't see how I can make it through a day, and sometimes I am barely tempted at all.

I think it's helpful to remember that both happen, so I don't get overconfident when I'm riding high, and don't feel helpless when I'm on a low.

Re: Loosing the luster 27 Apr 2020 18:10 #348834

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Day 10 complete.
New kabbala: For today and tomorrow, I will only use the internet for what I deem as essential business. 
More because of time wasting than anything else. 
Curious to see how it goes.
Last Edit: 27 Apr 2020 18:10 by Jj123. Reason: .

Re: Loosing the luster 28 Apr 2020 04:21 #348854

  • realestatemogul
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Love the fresh ideas! (Don't forget even for essential business you still need a mask and gloves #Filter )

Re: Loosing the luster 29 Apr 2020 03:17 #348899

  • Jj123
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Haha nice!
Funny you bring that up...
Ever since I fell I haven't done any real recalibration. Ever since day 6 things have been going pretty well, but I know that can change in an instant.
I should probably block what I fell on ~2 weeks ago, but for some reason I'm really not motivated to do so. But I know I should.
I like to think of porn and my filter as shabbos cookies in the freezer wrapped in tinfoil underneath some frozen veggies. If those cookies are sitting in a plastic container on the countertop, they'll rarely be a Friday where I don't fulfil early shabbos in my own unique way. But if they are underneath some frozen veggies wrapped in tinfoil, I'll see them, but the bother of digging em up and then unwrapping and rewrapping the foil is just too much if a nuisance, and I wait till dessert on Friday night. If I reeaaaaly want that cookie then watch out, but still if I reeaaaaly want to hold off then I can.
So yeah I need to update my filter. But I really don't want to. But I should.

Re: Loosing the luster 29 Apr 2020 07:17 #348916

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Yes, I used to attune to the idea that if it's too much of a bother, I won't bother and eventually give up, but after
  • Figuring out how to broadcast my laptop as wifi hotspot from mobile data usb, so my wife's unfiltered phone can connect to the mobile-fake-wifi hotspot so I don't have to eat up her data so she wouldn't know
  • working around and around and around and around filters and more filters and more filters and circumventing a bunch of roadblocks to finally get a glimpse of an mobile-emulated youtube on my filtered pc which the accountability reports don't pick up

I must surrender and admit I'd do anything. Really.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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