BH, KUTGW!!!

I'm really really excited about yoour new attitude, dude. Just keep filling oyur days with productivity. Your accomplishments will give you so much chizuk that those mountains of teivah will turn into molehills.

The Man's on a ROLL, and there's NO STOPPPIN HIM NOW!!!

Amen to that!

Today was a MAD productive day. Feeling good about it. Haven't watched anything not even a tv show, and barely even thought about anything.... God is holding my hand :-)

ok... gshabbos & chodesh tov.

Keep up the good work! It sounds like you are doing real swell!!!

Have a Good Shabbos

(Woodford on me!)

Things are going amazing... I've got tons accomplished, haven't even thought about GUE all shabbos I was so busy w/ other stuff... God is being very kind to me :-)

I almost forgot to come & post... didn't feel like I needed it :-)

Next shabbos will be in Eretz Hakoydesh :-)

9 days baby! Things have been amazing... barely even a knock on the door by the Y"H. Like he know I'm not even open to listening. I've  made drastic changes in my life recently. Including this. I hope it all helps with the total momentum.

שבת שלום ומבורך!

Awesome, Become Holy. You have a wonderfull Shabbod yourself.

BecomeHoly wrote on 22 Jan 2010 04:59:
That is really amazing BH, I hope you just keep getting stronger.
Have an awesome Shabbos!

Have a Good Shabbos BH. i havent been around lately so im not up to date whats going on. But it sounds like you had a baby?? :D :D :D :D :D

no no ... no baby... it was a phrase... I was just excited bout me reaching 9 days (11 now :-) )

Anyway, I'm still exhausted, but plugging along... been doing pretty well... no movies, tv, or anything worse for the whole count so far :-)

BecomeHoly wrote on 24 Jan 2010 12:30:
I guess you didnt notice the  . Hes my friend. I send him out when i want the reciever to realize im making a kind of joke. Well i guess my humor is really taking a turn for the worse. So ill keep it serious!

YOUR DOING GREAT HB!! KEEP ON ROCKIN!!!!

Doing ok.... internet spotty....

What the heck does that even mean?

Sorry... I've got a bad internet connection and haven't been able to get online so much... will be fixed by monday b"h.  I'm doing ok = I've been very good on this end.... literally annoyed at untznius women at this point. Movies barely calling to me. Porn is like a distant memory.

I've gone through the past 2 weeks more sleep deprived than I ever have been in my life. Yet these have been some of the most productive 2 weeks in the past few years. As I've said before, my main issue was laziness and addiction to COMFORT. I have somehow managed to get past that. I get up even if I'm tired. I finish the days tasks even if I feel like I'm gonna faint.

I was at a friends recently and he was telling his daughter how being tired doesn't change what you have to do. Its one of those things - most people will be tired. So what? Its unlikely you will ever be completely refreshed. So stop trying to get to it. You set yourself a time to start your day and you do it. Every day. In the evening you go to sleep when you literally are falling asleep. This assures you of being productive and accomplishing.

So thats what I've been doing. Its amazing how much of a difference that one little thing made. I'm not comfortable. But I keep doing. Because thats what I gotta do. But over time its becoming less of a question of comfort. I don't even notice it anymore - its the way things are... 

A person can be evaluated based on their performance when the going is pretty tough. For me, the past 2 weeks have been very rough, but I've barely even nodded to acting out. I've put in the effort to guard my eyes, and even my thoughts. Not only am I not falling, I'm not even slipping. Since I'm ok w/ being uncomfortable, my "addiction" (which based on the past 2 weeks I'm starting to doubt I'm actually addicted to this specifically) has been sleeping. I was acting out because I was looking for that next fake high because I didn't have any real accomplishment going on. I was too "uncomfortable" to do what I was supposed to do and was looking for entertainment. I would rotate between acting out and movies, tv and basically acting out was just another thing on the list. If I was "in the mood" then "why not." Watching movies did not diminish my moods..... so I just "went with the flow."

Now I'm going AGAINST THE FLOW. No movies. No TV. No looking at the scantily dressed on the street. I'm not interested. I'm avoiding it. Its SO bad for me. Its such a waste of time. As someone here once posted, I have so much time to think about other things. Instead of fantasizing about the prutza I can think about how I'm going to complete my next task.

In any case, even though I've got seemingly as many annoying things to deal with like I've had before, I'm not getting upset or depressed or whatever.... I'm just dealing with it. I move on. I look for a way around it. I can't is not an option. I can't is not the motto of those superachieiving amazing people. I can is their motto. If I find an I can't in the way, I look for a different road to I can. Think about it, anyone you know who seems like this crazy accomplished person. How do they do it. If you know them well, you'll see how they see it as a game, an obstacle course. Their job is to find a way to get their objective accomplished. To beat the "system." If you can get used to that concept, then it doesn't matter if you just lost 10 grand. Its just another obstacle (albeit big) in the game. You've just "leveled up." Now take the challenge and grab on, so you can make it to the next level.

In summary.... I see this as b"h behind me. I'm not getting lax. I'm just looking ahead to the future.


Which brings me too..... can I start dating again? Am I really an addict where I can truly say I am not like other people - or am I just a typical guy who went through a yerida, and just dabbled in whatever was going on down there, but now that I've pulled myself out, I should be able to ignore the past...? I do plan to tell my dates (at a later point obviously) that this is a very big y"h for me, maybe even more than most guys, but....

Also, I want to stop focusing on the "its bad" "its evil" "I can't" "I'm an addict"  and I want to start focusing on the positive: " how to build a real relationship" "how to look past superficiality and make it real"

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. We all are very familiar with sugar, but what we all really want is the medicine. I need to learn the "medicine."  Bezrat hashem, my wife will have that "sugar" that will help me both be able to marry her, and to also help me get to the "medicine" stage such that the sugar will no longer be necessary. 

KUTGW!!!

:-)