Hi Everyone.

I'm single, and nearly 27 and I've never had a clean streak of more than 2 months. I know I can do this - I've had the ability to remove the need, however, since I am so sensitive, tiny things trigger me and at a certain point a trigger takes me over the edge. Usually that means that I just give in to the "pressure" and satisfy myself - with no involvement of any external stimuli such as pictures...  However, what comes next....

I fall into the typical traps of the Yetzer:

a) You've messed up, so now it doesn't matter = I say screw it, and go find myself some porn. Filters do not help me. I'm a computer expert, and if I want it I will get it with relative ease. Once we've gone this direction, its like jumping in the boiling tub - its not so hot anymore, and it's "no big deal."  If I could prevent this from happening, my battle is won. I know its a big deal, and I need to keep that focus. Hopefully this site will achieve that for me.

b) If you can't do it right, don't bother - I don't start my clean streak unless I feel it was on the right foot - Go to mikveh after a shower/ shave... (trying to follow as much as possible what a nida does) to achieve tahara, but if I didn't have time to shave or whatever, I don't bother going to mikvah, and I have less "reason" to stop when I'm tempted a few days later. Also, if I didn't have a chance yet to say tikkun hayesod after the mikva, and I'm tempted before I do say it - then I'm like "oh, well you're really not all set yet - you'll start being good after you start off right."

In addition to this, I've become addicted to Movies and TV shows. Besides being a trigger, I am wasting so much time that I'm on the verge of losing my job because of poor performance and I really need to get my act together.

All this is partially fueled by the fact that I have constant fatigue coupled with stomach pain. I've been to MANY MANY doctors and no one can tell me whats wrong, and what this means is that I rarely feel like I have the energy to do stuff. Its a vicious cycle - I probably have some kinda of food allergy, which means I'm getting poor nutrition, and on top of that my stomach pain affects my sleep, and therefore I end up getting very little done. I end up with a terrible sleeping schedule because I sleep during the day often enough to try to feel less tired, and often I end up staying up late because of that (sometimes I stay up even later because I wanted to watch another movie). I miss shachris all the time and I feel a disconnect from God and of course that all makes it much easier to do things that are bad for me. If I'm resisting arayot, I'm watching movies or tv shows, which usually is only a stepping stone to arayot.

Now I'm pretty sure some (if not all ) of my medical problems can be attributed to the sitra achra. What I need is a way out of the vicious cycle where I am both losing my connection to God because of missing davening, or an unfocused davening, and on top of that having the energy to do to productive things so I don't end up doing destructive things. This includes TV, movies and the like.

I am hoping that this site will help me get my act together - get a solid schedule, such that I'm both productive and NOT destructive, and that I can succeed pushing through the beginning where it will be a literal war with my desires. I know that after 30 - 60 days I will be doing fine. I just need to get through the beginning and my life will then be filled with blessing.

B'ezrat Hashem, at that point I will be deemed worthy in Gods eyes to find my bashert so I can continue to grow in his service.

I appreciate everyone's help in creating the new me.

Dear BecomeHoly,

Before we heard of GuardYourEyes we felt alone in our world. We felt that we’ve been living double lives struggling with a problem that we’ve kept secret for so long.  Intrenched deep in our pursuit - caught by the grips of lust, some of us have come to believe that our lives have become unmanageable. Still, engulfed in shame and embarrassment, we have felt that there was no-where to turn for help. But then, when we came across GuardYourEyes and found that there are others exactly like us, we’ve discovered the tools, guidance, and support to find freedom from what ails us! This is our story, and now it's yours!

BecomeHoly, welcome to our community!  Why don’t you take off your coat, get comfortable, and stay a while! I’m glad you’re here! And in no time, you’ll get to meet all the wonderful people who stand to your support!

We invite you to have a look around, sift through the many threads, and make use of the tools that GuardYourEyes has to offer. If you’d feel comfortable opening up and sharing, I can assure you that this is the greatest step you can make towards recovery! So go ahead, pull out your keyboard, and get writing!

As long as you’re here, we'll be standing by your side, fighting alongside you! And let me tell you: there aint no turning back!

I’ll be available for most hours of the day, so you can send me a shout-out anytime, right here on the site, or via email at: Tomim2B@gmail.com.

I wish you much success and blessing in your journey, and may we soon see the brilliant light that you’re about to bring into the world!

With love,
2B

Thank you Tomim! Truth is, I've read through a lot, and the more I read, the more I realize that this site is not limited to lust or to addiction. Plain and simple, it is a super powerful tool for fighting the yetzer hara in ALL aspects of my life. I believe that this site can do for me what no yeshiva or learning can do, and will give me a foundation for achieving the really great things I know I can achieve. I found out about this site by accident - I went to a shiur on 9 av where the rav insisted every person there install a filter. I found a filter on this site and I started reading other things. I was fascinated by the amazing depth and capability of this site to transform people - EVEN NON ADDICTS.  I am unsure myself whether I am really an addict or just a typical guy with typical desires and no outlet (since I'm unmarried). But I do know I'm an "addict" to wasting time. I'm hoping that I can kill 2 birds with one stone, and for the first time in 17 years be able to be productive, happy and full of achievement.  :-)

BecomeHoly wrote on 10 Dec 2009 03:03:


I'm in awe! On your 1st day and only up to your 2nd posts, and you're already talking like one of the guys! You're great!

Dear BecomeHoly,

Welcome to our community! Once you’ve arrived, there’s no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You’re worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can’t be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world’s most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn’t jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn’t be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they’ve tried already, and if those steps haven’t worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won’t be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it’s anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

I'm feeling pretty down now... just wasted 3 - 4 hours on a movie instead of working ( I'm an independent worker so I work from home). Spent the past hour on GYE to help pick me up and finish my work... but it ain't good. I know that I'm addicted to "not doing what I'm supposed to at that moment" and I need to break free. That will solve all my problems. help?

Welcome becomeholy to the family. Sorry i wasnt around when you called for help but im here now. Read through your posts and its ovious that theres is a strong desire. weve gotta keep that up to try and get pass this. Hope your doing better.

My heart goes out to you man. When I read your story - it made me feel like two cents. I mean i dont have 1% of the obstacles you do, and i think i have a struggle...
One things for sure, when you finally beat this thing - and you will, you are my rabbi.

Thanks guys for your kind words :-)  I pretty much got very little done yesterday, but I did not venture towards arayot. I ended up sleeping and missed minyan, but at least now I've got a decent amount of energy. I had a productive hour of work and I feel I properly  assured my employer work is being done so I'm feeling like Hashem is really helping me right now.

I Know that in the long term, my problem will be conquered. I know that previously, when I was seriously dating and pretty close to engagement, I was clean for the longest streak in my life. I realize now that although I was clean, I was not lust free. However, I was pretty good about guarding my eyes, and I felt sure that once married, the lust would be controlled by a healthy relationship with my wife. Truth is, just spending time with my date discussing our future made me "leak" and I was like a ticking time bomb. This makes me realize that in fact, marriage would not necessarily solve things. What I need is to be lust free, and when I'm married, the lust will be held at bay not by giving in to the lust, but by achieving the release meant in marriage. The emotional intimacy with my wife will give me true fulfillment and the act involved will satisfy physical urges. This sidesteps lust completely (I hope).

I did not actually end up getting engaged (major emotional issues popped up on her side, and my Rav strongly told me to walk away) but it was a great learning experience. I realize that I really need to become a new person before I get married, because as of now I will either live up to the challenge (hopefully... but with extreme pain) or I will fail miserably. My wife does not need a fixer upper. With God's help (and all of yours at GYE) I will be able to be remodeled and have the tools necessary to get through life's hardships with ease.

Amazingly, I was dreaming about GYE last night, so I just need to constantly come back here whenever I'm about to do ANYTHING thats not productive. As I read somewhere - Replace the time spent on the addiction with time spent on healing. You're not wasting time, since that time would have been wasted on addiction instead.

Thanks everyone! :-)

wow Bh heavy post. But with the attitude you got youll go a long way!! hatzlacha and keep on trucking.

So I was watching a documentary today: Man on wire, about a guy who walked a wire between the twin towers. Now I thought its as clean as can be, and it was... until the part (which had absolutely no constructive addition to the film) where he says, after he did it, some girl came up to him and said she wanted to "celebrate" his success with him. It didn't even cross my mind that there might be something shown, but of course, there it is, celebration for everyone to see. I was so annoyed... a week ago I would have just went for it...not even out of inability to hold back, but just because why not - why even bother resisting at all.  But being here on GYE is helping motivate me. I have a purpose, a reason. I only need to come back here for 101 reasons its damaging to me. I hope God will protect me in the future.

That sounds like a victory! May that be the first of many!

2B

Amen!

You are truly on the road to becoming HOLY! just like your name says

Welcome to forum!

BecomeHoly wrote on 11 Dec 2009 05:51:


Was the documentary about the guy at the top of every page of this forum?