Thistimeillwin wrote on 08 Oct 2018 11:22:

When one attempts to climb a high mountain and falls into a ditch, he must crawl out, bandage his wounds and figure out how he fell in. However he did not fall off the mountain. And while he is recuperating he can enjoy the view from the height that he has achieved so far. Hatzlocha as you climb further, and as advised by I-man, a guide and helping hand on the slopes is most beneficial.

Thistimeillwin wrote on 08 Oct 2018 11:22:

It doesn't hurt to focus on the "failure" if you view it as a learning experience. You probably want to figure out for yourself what role these borderline materials have to play in your life. Ambiguity is usually a problem in life. You are constantly debating with yourself.

mzl wrote on 09 Oct 2018 18:32:

KEEP ON TRUCKING :-)

Thistimeillwin wrote on 08 Oct 2018 11:22:

Some inspiration from a completely different source: Entrepreneurs! 

Entrepreneurs often fail many times before they hit upon their success:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/sujanpatel/2015/01/16/8-successful-products-that-only-exist-because-of-failure/#6e87c6cd1c8c

The article has these tips for overcoming the fear of failure:

How To Overcome Your Fear of Failure

Making mistakes is a part of life, and as these eight stories make clear, failure is nothing to fear. In fact, failure can be a direct path to success. Here are some ways to not let failure get in the way from you ultimately succeeding in life:

1. Accept that failure is just part of the process. Everybody has to deal with failure at one point or another. The people that don’t let it get in that way are the ones that recognize that it’s just a part of business and life.

2. In times when you do fail, don’t waste time sulking. Failing is never easy, but you can’t let it get to you for too long. Don’t waste time feeling bad about yourself or ashamed.

3. Be ready to pick yourself back up. When you fail, get right back up and get back to work. Don’t be discouraged by failure, and never let it stop you from pursuing your dreams.

4. Look for the good that comes as a result of failing. Just the the examples highlighted above, good things can sometimes comes from failing. Take advantage of unexpected opportunities when they present themselves.

All good stuff.
I would just add that if we keep trying the same things and keep getting the same results, perhaps we need to be open to trying something different.
Failure is indeed part of the process, because it gives us feedback.
We need to learn from what happened.
Just sharing my experience.

Thank you all for your responses.

I had a very hard time last week.  Immediately after I fell I logged in and 'confessed,'  hoping I could get right back into it.  But instead I fell into a multi-day depraved situation, acting out so many times until I was completely burnt out.  I just came back to the website to get back with the program.

Sometime on Friday I woke up from my stupor, and decided to get myself back together; I'm not one who usually gives up so easily.  i-man, I will listen to your advice and try to speak to someone who can help me.  I realize even more from the way I behaved for 5 days (so sick and unhealthy, it wasn't even pleasurable at a point) that the monster living inside me will only be vanquished with a combination of will-power and strategy, neither one alone being strong enough.  And with it I need to daven more for siyyata dishmaya כי הוא מאש ואני בשר ודם ולא אוכל לו.

I thank you, all my 'friends' on GYE.  Without you I wouldn't have made it 22 days in Tishrei.  I hope Cheshvan will be even better, as I learn myself a little more.

Thistimeillwin wrote on 14 Oct 2018 20:45:

I suspect you are going to find that the solution will turn out to be to stop using your willpower, which in its current state doesn't work very well.

Hang in there, the prognosis is good for you.