I want to explain my slip and a tool I developed and used. I have honed in the fact that I sometimes masterbate when I am stressed/lonely/emotionally down. In other words, I use the pleasure from the dopamine to blot out the pain.
If you read my entire thread, I once dated a girl who I thought the world of and cared deeply about. We ended up not getting married, but I think about her often, what could have gone different, hoping she is ok, wishing I could be there for her, and overall missing spending time with her.
I happen to know that she's going through a rough time right now, and I was thinking too much how much I would want to be there for her, to support her emotionally through this rough time and how sad I was that I couldn't do that anymore and I started to slip.
At the time, I made myself consciously think, why are you doing this? Why does it feel like a need? What is pushing you towards this compulsive action?
Once I became mindful of the fact that I was doing this just to try to blot out the emotions (and this was not a need), but rather a self medication technique, the struggle lessened and the slip stayed just that, a slip.
Hope that's helpful for some folks.
