Day 2: Each acknowledged clean day seems to mean much more than when I let them pass unseen, as if they're not important.

On a somewhat separate note...
I'm two days clean and more emotionally healthy (I think, anyways) than I've ever been. Thank G-d. Ain ra yotzei milmala. 

Day 3: Probably should listen a bit more and talk a bit less. 

Day 4: Kicking butt at talking less today B"H. 

Separately, I think constantly reading things which remind you of the right perspective is really important. It puts you in the right mindset without being in your own head so much, which being a closed system, is prone to decay.

Another thing I just realized is important in this struggle is to not pay to much attention to what is happening in your mind or body. If you do your mind and body will screw with you majorly. 

Lastly, I think it's important to not be scared of falling. You must know that it'll be ok if you fall. You can pick yourself up and try again. Your job on this earth isn't to be a perfect snowflake. Your job is to be taking steps towards your ideal self, which by the way, you will never arrive at. 

I don't mean that a person should look where they shouldn't and tempt themselves intentionally. All I'm saying is that an insistence on perfection is the first step towards self-deterioration. 

Day 5: Nice shabbos b"h. I don't know what the heck I'm doing and I don't think I'm going to try figuring it out. 

Peace

Gut voch! 
Shavua tov!

Missed you tonight 
Maybe we can meet at the next meeting?

Day 6: I don't really know what to write about. I can't think of anything, so perhaps a prayer: G-d, may you grant me, my family and all people, a feeling of gratitude, thus giving us more perspective and allowing us to be happy humble and kind.

G-d, may you grant me the wisdom to realize that my life is truly the best life for me, down to the very last detail. 

Day 7: Some people I know are negative and they don't realize it. It's a habit. Being sarcastic, always knowing better. It doesn't upset me. But, it saddens me that people I love are acting this way. I tried letting them know how they are acting. They weren't very receptive, but who knows. It seems all I can do right now is to lead by example. It's just that there's a natural inclination to just stay away when people are negative. However, I realize the way to be an example is to engage and interact positively, thus being a good influence. 

Peace 

Ihavestrength wrote on 03 Jul 2017 15:30:

Thank you for sharing. I relate to that frustration. Or sadness, as you called it. In my experience, the only way to "change" others is to lead by example. I have tried to change others, and it has failed miserably. And the "look at me, I'm changing" attitude hasn't helped either. Only when I sincerely changed to better myself did it rub off on others. And the change I saw was drastic. My parents transformed from being very unhealthy with me (kicking me out of the house for not davening mincha on Shabbos) to being very accepting of me and giving me space. This type of change did not happen with all other people I know who also changed sincerely, but the point is that it can happen. And if they don't change, you'll at least be better equipped to deal with it. Which is my experience also, regarding other people in my life. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 03 Jul 2017 15:30:

Thank you for your daily post, it keeps me going, and it will you too.
staying positive is the best thing on earth, even when you dont have the best day, just talk positive and think positive, it will change everything in your life, and all your surroundings, wife, children and friends.
stay strong!!! stay clean!!!

Shlomo24 wrote on 03 Jul 2017 16:03:

dont try to change anybody, you can't straighten out Bananas!!! just change your self, and everything will change automatically!!! try it out, and you will see results, think and talk only positive... and know your identity, dont live for others....

Day 8: Seems my prayer worked a bit. Call me crazy. Dunno what else to write really. Just writing because I made a commitment to write till day 90. I'm not really worried about falling. I don't really care. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. It almost cracks me up thinking that 90 is only 9 times ten. 

Random note: Giving my phone to people is uncomfortable, because I have all this GYE stuff on my browser. Not sure what I can do about it though. 

Another random note: Playing things down is not good. 1 day clean is not "just a day". This attitude leads to acting out "just this once". No time in our life is extra. I don't say this to make you become a crazy productive retard. Only that no time in life can be used to be totally irresponsible. But hey, it's probably gonna happen anyways. So why bother?

Why bother!? Cause no day is just one day. 

Better they find GYE than porn 

Day 9: @shlomo24 True that.

Gotta stop talking. Gotta stop thinking. Gotta start doing the next right thing. 

Gotta stop trying to be this or that. Gotta stop trying to be good. Gotta stop trying to be bad. Gotta start just being around.

Gotta stop worrying if I'm happy or not. 

Peace

Ihavestrength wrote on 05 Jul 2017 20:37:

keep it up, im at day #9 too... lets take the walk together, its a beautiful day outside:punch:

Day 10: Great chizuk email today. Check it out people. Not much else to report really. Was feeling a bit stressed these past couple days. Way too much talking and thinking going on. Whatever. Feeling a bit better now. Not trying to run away from any emotions. None ever died from an emotion. I know so many things about right living. Thing is, you can't consciously think about these things or you'll go nuts. Whatever, I don't know anything. It's much safer to know nothing I think. Decided positions and beliefs can be super dangeroso.

Have a blessed day y'all 

P.S It cracks me up how perspective is everything. In today's chizuk email the guy thought it was a great accomplishment to reach a month without polishing the knob. I don't. Since I got to 85 days I think that nothing under that number is worth much. I'm probably wrong. I suppose even ten days is an accomplishment. I guess if I had statistics on how often single men masturbate I would feel better about myself, or perhaps not.