After years of non-stop research, I have come up with a proposed alternative to the Twelve Steps:

1.) Wear a blindfold 24/7.

2.) Wear handcuffs (hands behind back) 24/7.

3.) Wear headphones and listen to Shiurim 24/6. 

4.) On Shabbos or Yom Tov, spend the entire time learning or davening, including between courses (and between mouthfuls) at the Seudos.

Wow!

You managed to cut 12 steps into just 4!

Just think of all the productivity.

what about during mouthfuls on Shabbos?

Moshiach MUST be here!!

The forum is now hosting VIRTUAL MOUTHFULS OF CHOLENT!!

Sorry, but I already cut it down to just one step. As I shared on DC's call the other day.

Take step #2, i.e. "I came to believe in a higher POWER that can restore me to sanity"...

An even quicker way is to utilize a different  "POWER"....... i.e. the POWER of gravity.  Yes, just take a dive from a 10 story building, and........no more lusting!!

David/Rage wrote on 01 Mar 2011 16:54:


LOL

I would have posted it elsewhere, but I was afraid someone would think I was being serious (I am, but that's another story!).

guardureyes wrote on 01 Mar 2011 16:55:


During mouthfuls, you can listen to someone else's Divrei Torah!

Just remember Chevra, it works if you make it work - otherwise, you're a stupid jerk! ;D

David/Rage wrote on 01 Mar 2011 16:54:


Maybe Efshar Letakain will post? Maybe Uri will come back? Maybe 7up will.......never mind that one, maybe Bards will finall write the sequel to Harry's Son, maybe me3 will.........................

Me3 wrote on 01 Mar 2011 17:22:


No cracks about Mom!  > > >

Whoops - did I call her "Mom"?  I'd better edit this post before anyone reads it!

my 12 steps

#1 only peek no staring

# 2only stare to see if there is something wrong

#3 if there is something wrong i stare more because i have to know why its wrong

#4 admit you are powerless and continue satring and by now lusting

#5 give over your lust to a greater power like your i phone so u can lust on the go

#6 call a sponser so he or she can lust too

#7 take moral inventory and keep a record of all the place uou know where you can get your fix

#8 join a group so you can pity party together

#9 dont get caught

#10  if you get caught explain to youe significant other that it is a disease
and its very catchy

#11 if you raelly get caught explain that sick people like you are part of a secret tznius police


#12 drink woodford

So true, you wouldn't believe some of the terrible things out there these days, I can hardly believe my eyes, tssk tsskk. Just terrible, I bet you that site has even more terrible pictures, ow can people be so evil, I mean just look at this and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that and that, what is it night already? Where did the time go?

bardichev wrote on 01 Mar 2011 17:29:


Wow Bards LOL - You've gotta get that in the Chizuk emails for Rosh Chodesh Adar!!

...now why do I love laughing at myself?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Shmiras Ainayim" Chizuk E-Mail (No. 999)

"I have made a treaty with my eyes"... EYEov 31:1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


12 tips for shmiras eye-nay-im

#1 looking for your wife in the womens section at a chasunah is just that.
Looking for your wife. It is a tremendous mitzvah to look for your wife

#2 Looking for your wife after davening in shul has the same halachos as a chasunah

#3 there is no issur to look at a woman older than you wife

#4 there is no issur to look at a woman younger than your wife

#5 if the woman is wearing a shaitel there is no issur what so ever

#6 your wifes friends and family are all covered under the friends and family plan. So there is no issur .

#7 Women whom you work with fall into a gedder of 'assuk bimilachto"
that also covers the bank teller,the mail woman,and the cleaning lady

#8 Shabbos and Yom tov are times when women wear special nice clothing.It is a mitzvah to look at women who dress well on shabbos and yom tov

#9 vacation has special rules.There are no issurim when you or the person you look at is on vacation

#10 if you are in a bad mood you are exempt from all stringencies in guarding your eyes adderrabbeh if it will bring you to being in a better mood it will be considered a mitzvah.

#11 if you are in a good mood it is also recommended to look at women for you will bless them with your ayin tov.ayin Tov is a good midda

#12 if you live by these rules you will be happy all your days




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





These e-mails are excerpts taken from the book "Windows of the FOOL"


by billy the kickboxer of the Possum Foundation.


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;D ;D
rebbe b
you made me laugh really hard
did anyone ever tell you that?

Kedusha wrote on 01 Mar 2011 17:25:


Hmmm I bet you can't edit it if I quote it....
    BTW is there any cool abbreviation for Rebetzin?  Retzn Rebzzzz  rbtzinn  (they're all to hard to say!!!)