Art Exhibit I
Display: Sponge
Estimated Appraised Value: $13,829,391
Caption: The Common Sponge
The above exhibit displays the most wondrous and compelling work of art found in the ordinary and standard common household sponge. Its profound and astounding artwork stuns the viewer, veteran and novice alike, into an array of fascinating and thought provoking questions, queries, philosophical enigmas, theories and speculations. The mysteries and dubieties found in the above display are both numerous as the stars and bewildering as the Loch Ness Monster, it is both charming and attractive as the Zimbabwean Hippopotamus yet dull and lifeless as the Rock Of Gibraltar. The sponge, he is serene, tranquil and peaceful as the Swiss Alps, yet ferocious, chilling and intimidating as the elusive BigFoot. The sponge is both enlightening and cryptic, sensational and perplexing, stimulating and excruciatingly obscure, astonishing yet simple, baffling yet elementary, and an overall striking noble, and mind-boggling piece of glorious art.
The sponge may present itself in a diverse and multitude of shapes, colors, sizes, textures, ages and usages. It may be smooth as penny, rough and coarse as wormwood, slimy as Gavin Newsome, bumpy as a pillow with bumps, or any combination of the aforementioned compositions and structures.The sponge has been found shaped round as King Auther's Table, square as the face of Adam Shiff, rectangle, oval, star shaped and every complexity in between.On the front of colors, shades, shine and gloss he may span way across the spectrum of a rainbow, dazzling the viewer in a sparkling and gleaming platinum to boring him in a drab and mundane shade of grey.
The sponge! He may be saturated in flowing fluids or dry and granular as the desert sand. He may be leaking liquids as Joe Biden, or parched and waterless as a withered Moonrock. It may be soaked as the Amazon or arid as the dunes of the Sahara.Sponges! How extraordinary! His size! He may be ample and substantial as the Malaysian Black Panther or miniscule and limited as the Nicaraguan Humpbacked Beetle. A seemingly meager and simple sponge may just expose itself to be as grand and magnificent as the Taj Mahal, The Colosseum or The Leaning Tower Of Piza! He may be ancient as the Aztec Pyramids of Peru or youthful as the grapes of a Baron Herzog Jeunesse Pink Moscato. How unique and distinct each and every sponge! Unrivaled! Unequaled! Unparalleled from one to the next!
The Common Sponge, for household work, from floors to windows, dishes to silverware, and culinary wares to polished oak. For commercial cleaning, from ceilings to toilets, skylights to terraces, restaurants to salt mines, offices to department stores, and doorknobs to chandeliers. Alas! The Sponge! For Art! for Display! He may span from the gallery to the museum, the laboratory to the lavatory, and from the kitchen to a young child's cartoon character.
The Sponge! The Quest! The Query! Mysterious! Elusive! Abstract! Metaphysical! The viewer is left in numerous quandaries and questions, theories and speculations, enigmas and problems, layer upon layer like the peels of an onion the sponge both fascinates and disturbes it's patrons and viewers to near insanity.
The layman, beware the bore heed our cautions, alas O' hear our call, avoid the urge to exclaim in despair those unworthy erroneous and abominable altercations. Do not dare proclaim out loud the dreadful pronouncement " what is it? it's just a plain boring old sponge! It has no meaning! this whole modern art thing is garbage!" Oh laymen do not set down your essence, consciousness and existence in utter despair and sorrow. Alas there is hope and utopia ahead. Heed our cry, affix your body, mind and soul to your inner eye and behold you shall heed the light!
The Common Sponge! an incomprehensible and unnervingly abstract work of craftsmanship! Its ingenuity and properties may be concealed from the layman, yet the qualified observer is one who is captivated, mesmerized and utterly astonished.
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