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[POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life?

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TOPIC: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 48682 Views

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 28 Dec 2009 22:27 #39162

Kollel Guy

aaron4 wrote on 28 Dec 2009 19:26:

Back to the original topic...I just voted for #2. Although I understand feeling embarrassed, I've heard some shiurim lately that confirmed what I've suspected for a while and help to overcome this initial reaction.

The solution to this addiction, as has been said many times in many different ways here on GUE, is staying connected and relating properly to yourself, to others and to Hashem. This is the goal of the 12 steps and if you can do this by whatever method, you're on the right track. Disconnection from yourself, others and Hashem is fertile soil for the Y"H and leads to all sorts of addictions and negative behaviors, including addiction to lust. As the frum community becomes more open and honest and willing to acknowledge shortcomings and discuss ways to address them, it's clear that MANY people do not FEEL Yiddishkeit - ie to some extent, they are missing one or more of the essential connections for proper living. There are more and more articles on kids at risk, adults at risk and behaviors that are inconsistent with Torah values within the "frum" community. Although not all of these people are addicted to lust, they share the same lack that led us to addiction...and they need the same medicine. Viewed in this way, the universe of "fellow warriors" is unfortunately quite large. In my opinion, this is the challenge of our generation, not just of those on this forum. So if we're here tackling this, we're in the top echelon! We're working on EXACTLY what EVERYONE should be working on. Not only shouldn't we be embarrassed, we're leaders!

Hence my vote.

Beautiful post. I couldn't agree more. Our common goal here is to start seeing. To gain a perception of who we really are and what we really want, and to live that person's life in a healthy and productive way. One of the ways to wake up to reality, is to connect with other people and perfect yourself together with them.
That is all very nice and sweet. If you put it in a vase it would probably look even better.
Unfortunately, mortification doesn't ask first if it's going to be benificial or not.
To some people, the mere thought of anyone finding out is a living horror.
Regardless of how much it will help.
For angry version, see previous post.

Last Edit: 28 Dec 2009 22:41 by victorylapper.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 28 Dec 2009 22:28 #39163

ano nymous
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Ok, it appears that probably many people who've posted in this thread missed a KEY element of the question I asked here, so I will quote from my original post which some may have missed:
"I'm assuming two important things here: 1) you are comfortable and on good terms with this person in real life and 2) this person is a FELLOW STURRGLER [sic] who actively makes use of the forum and was not just a straggler reading the forum for some kind of sick thrill."

If the person is a FELLOW and SINCERE struggler (who is also not a total jackass), I don't see why he would go around saying "tsk tsk did you hear about Rage." Am I missing something here, or did you misunderstand my original question?

Last Edit: by asdqw.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 28 Dec 2009 22:35 #39169

ano nymous Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 656 Karma: 1	Rage ATM wrote on 28 Dec 2009 22:34: anon, you expect me to read every word? what am i a lawyer? You're nuts. And I love that.
	Last Edit: by david5759.

Re: [poll] 28 Dec 2009 23:34 #39215

loi-misyaeish

Things are going mad here. Let's straighten things up! We all agree that we're not going to put a label on our back saying "sex-addict". Since it's a very sensitive issue, one has to be careful how one acts and how people will respond to it. But we also have to face life. At least where i came from, wherever you'd look you'd see pritzus. Up,down, right, left in front and behind. It's really terrible. Ok, so i have a double dose of this taaivoh. Not everybody would look at it normally, because not everyone has that double dose. So therefore i'm not going to broadcast my problem to the world. But on a lively forum, where we all respect each other, i'd be more than happy to have someone to relate to. That's why i just went to the kumzitz of it25. Like someone wrote before, if someone would really care to read through the whole thread, and piece up the puzzle, he's not going to do it, just for fun and detective work(mind you someone who knows me could figure out who i am from all the things i wrote). The only thing i'm worried about it is that i would known as spending quite some time on the internet. My r"y wouldn't be too happy to know about that. But otherwise a resounding (for everybody on the forum to hear) 2

Last Edit: by isaaclebowitz.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 28 Dec 2009 23:59 #39229

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	guard has a leaky faucet, half the regulars already know my real name.. PU-LEASE.
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by menoodle02.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 29 Dec 2009 00:22 #39245

silentbattle
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C'mon Rage, there are almost 30 votes on this one! Unless people are setting up dummy accounts just to vote twice, but somehow, I doubt that!

My feelings are somewhat torn on that last issue, though. As far as the public knowing, us being leaders, etc.

I think that our role is important within this community. And yet, we're not normal. We've strayed, we're sick - and while we want everyone else with this sickness to know where hospital is, we also want to be careful not to make it too mainstream, too acceptable. Does that make sense?

Last Edit: by rannn.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 29 Dec 2009 05:15 #39275

Kollel Guy	If not for the advertising campaign that this thread had, I don't think it would have more than 12. People don't notice the polls most of the times.
	Last Edit: by giants1500.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 29 Dec 2009 05:33 #39279

habaletaher
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shemirateinayim wrote on 27 Dec 2009 21:55:

here's the real dilemma: I'm in the position of helping a handful of teenagers who are all undoubtably, and admittably addicted to their ipod touches, and the occasional laptop. hey i can't blame them, their parents where dumb enough to 'trust' them with it, and hey! so where mine!!!

the question is whether to confide in this to any of them. I'm not a fraud, so i can't help them without admitting my involvement too. plus, how else can i know all the tricks of the trade. But on the other hand I'm not interested in them blabbing to the world that I'm cool cuz i watch p#$ . That's not why i want them to relate to me! So i'm in a dilemma about it. the only thing i did about it was mentioning, in a neutral way, that i can help them break addcitions... and if they want their addictions, i can help them not want it.

Dear Shemirayeinayim,

Allow me to help you with your dilemma. PLEASE DON'T REVEAL TO THESE BOYS THAT YOU ARE A P**N ADDICT. You can say that you have struggled with it in the distant past, but ultimately if they think that you are an adult p**n addict their respect for you will probably plummet. I was an at-risk youth one time, and I remember that one of the biggest turn-offs was these people who would try to help me by being cool like me, using the occasional curse word, etc... Not only that, but as a teen, I wasn't too addicted to p**n, I was addicted to real girls! and to me p**n addicts were losers. (I would have had so little respect for myself if as a teen I could have envisioned myself sitting fifteen years later glued to my screen at 3AM trolling for shmutz!) Teens are looking for role models, not people who are just like them. So while I encourage you to stay involved with these youngsters, you don't need to and I believe shouldn't tell them about your own current struggles. The fact that you struggled with it a while back should explain your proficiency in it, and you can say that you have learned about it from other kids etc....

I don't mean to come across as strong or anything, but I know the scoop, I was there...

Last Edit: by mordejaim.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 29 Dec 2009 05:46 #39286

Kollel Guy

habaletaher wrote on 29 Dec 2009 05:33:

shemirateinayim wrote on 27 Dec 2009 21:55:

.
Dear Shemirayeinayim,

Allow me to help you with your dilemma. PLEASE DON'T REVEAL TO THESE BOYS THAT YOU ARE A P**N ADDICT. You can say that you have struggled with it in the distant past, but ultimately if they think that you are an adult p**n addict their respect for you will probably plummet. I was an at-risk youth one time, and I remember that one of the biggest turn-offs was these people who would try to help me by being cool like me, using the occasional curse word, etc... Not only that, but as a teen, I wasn't too addicted to p**n, I was addicted to real girls! and to me p**n addicts were losers. (I would have had so little respect for myself if as a teen I could have envisioned myself sitting fifteen years later glued to my screen at 3AM trolling for shmutz!) Teens are looking for role models, not people who are just like them. So while I encourage you to stay involved with these youngsters, you don't need to and I believe shouldn't tell them about your own current struggles. The fact that you struggled with it a while back should explain your proficiency in it, and you can say that you have learned about it from other kids etc....

I don't mean to come across as strong or anything, but I know the scoop, I was there...

I scond that.
Well the "Don't tell them about all your own struggles in detail" idea. I was never labeled as a kid at risk.
I remember the feeling of "Get a life" when I would see an adult trying to be cool and use the 'lingo'.

Last Edit: by jordandavid.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 31 Dec 2009 19:24 #40649

yona18 Current streak: 4500 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 364	I would not really care. I've gotten over the shame of this disease by talking about it with a lot of rabbis, and I talked about it with some friends too to try helping them. So a few people know about me already anyway, and I wouldn't mind a fellow addict gaining that recognition.
	Last Edit: by blissfulpenguin02.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 31 Dec 2009 19:46 #40655

shemirateinayim Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 746 Karma: 0	i'll triple the notion! They need someone to look up to, to strive to be like. Not someone who they look down upon, since then they instinctively don't want to be like me. The problem is that i'm to blunt and open. so it's hard to balance the openness and secret. but B"H i'll find a way.
	Last Edit: by FTWPower937.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 31 Dec 2009 22:48 #40725

silentbattle
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I know that you will find a way - because clearly, you're a person that cares not only about your own growth, but also about helping others. And so I know you'll find a way to do that in the best way possible.

As an aside, what we're saying is NOT that you should try to appear perfect. I greatly respected the fact that one of my high school rabbeim would mention, in a general way, that all the mussar is for himself, as well, and that no one is perfect. But if they ask you about your specific struggles, you can explain that it's irrelevant - your struggles are yours, and theirs are theirs. You each need to grow from where you are.

Last Edit: by sprightlyunicorn29.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 10 Jan 2010 08:28 #43992

habaletaher
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shemirateinayim wrote on 31 Dec 2009 19:46:

i'll triple the notion! They need someone to look up to, to strive to be like. Not someone who they look down upon, since then they instinctively don't want to be like me. The problem is that i'm to blunt and open. so it's hard to balance the openness and secret. but B"H i'll find a way.

The way is relatively simple; every time your about to confide in a teenager some tidbit about your life, stop and say is this going to make the teen look up to me or look down at me?

Last Edit: by sprightlyfalcon92.

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 25 Jan 2010 07:16 #48236

shemirateinayim Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 746 Karma: 0	yknow what???? I realy don't care so much anyomre. I wouldn't mind meeting the frequent posters of this site. Not that I can actualy do that anytime soon, But I would very much like to just sit face-to-face and be awed by their pressence. I am at a loss of words to try explaining why....
	Last Edit: by .

Re: [POLL] How would you react to being recognized here by someone in real life? 25 Jan 2010 14:36 #48289

Ineedhelp!! OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1058 Karma: 2	shemirateinayim wrote on 25 Jan 2010 07:16: Not that I can actualy do that anytime soon Why is that....???? -Yiddle
	Last Edit: by .