I have an interesting question to ask you guys. I'd like to qualify the question here because I have more space. How would you feel if someone in your community, school, yeshiva, workplace, etc. who you have a good (NOT negative) relationship with identified you based on your posts on this forum? I'm assuming two important things here: 1) you are comfortable and on good terms with this person in real life and 2) this person is a FELLOW STURRGLER [sic] who actively makes use of the forum and was not just a straggler reading the forum for some kind of sick thrill.
Would you:
1) Be mortified, and possibly deny that you were the person posting under said username,
2) Be happy to have someone similar to talk to about your issues in real life, and use this as an opportunity to get some real life support (partner up or something)
3) Be indifferent to the whole situation, and just acknowledge it and move on without any real reaction.

Please VOTE and POST an explanation for your choice. If you have any OTHER option that you feel should be included in the vote, please post it here and I will add it to the poll options. Thanks guys!! :D

Be somewhat embarrassed, somewhat worried (everyone reacts differently, who knows how this person's knowledge might affect me in the future), somewhat relieved.

Only somewhat relieved, because i already have my rebbe, my therapist, and a friend (the one friend that I keep in touch with on a regular basis) who know about this issue, and are helping me improve.

Worried, as I mentioned once before, my secret fear (or one of them them, anyway) would be that I went to a kumzitz, or something like that, and the next shidduch I go on, the door opens and, "oh! uh...hi!" :-[

I voted mortified. I can't even deal with looking at myself in the mirror, how can I bear the shame of knowing someone else knows this about me?

Well, if that someone else was someone you respected who ALSO had the same issue, you'd still be mortified? I'm surprised at the results so far. Can't wait till we have a bigger sample to look at :D

Ano Nymous wrote on 27 Dec 2009 11:00:
That wouldn't make it any better. Instead of looking at one respectable person as 'really just a perv', I'd now look at two respectable people as 'really just perves'.
I know I'm wrong, I don't believe this ideology in theory. It's simply not true. But your question was "how would I react", and reactions are caused by more than just logic.
I simply cannot translate an image of a jew sitting at his pc looking at the most degrading things - as anything other than contemptable.
This is precisely my biggest struggle. Forgiving myself for being who I am. Likewise, when I see other people like me, although I don't judge them as harshly as I do myself, I still don't always see them in a very good light.
So my answer stands - I would be mortified.
Till today, nothing get's my heart beating faster than the mere thought that someone might look through my laptop and see what I was up to a month, or a 1/2 a year, or a year ago. I have heard that once data goes through a memory chip, it can always be retrieved, so this haunts me. (Can't wait till the einiklach find zaidys old computer and use their whatever-a-tech to instantly bring up everything it ever did.) I'm constantly paranoid that I didn't properly delete my history. My only solution is not to think about it. Sorry, but you touched on a very sore point of mine.

Oh, ano-nymous, you're thinking of not being 'ano-nymous' anymore?! You wanna change your name on the forum! But anyway, i'd vote for no. 2

Thanks so much for the explanation KG. It's very enlightening. I have a feeling this topic is going to be very enlightening for me in general. You guys are all awesome. And yes, with the right tools and knowledge (and it's pretty easy; I can do it) the stuff you've downloaded to your hard drive and then deleted can be recovered. Don't be too paranoid though; it is very unlikely anyone will do that on your computer.

And no, I'm not coming out of the closet yet loi-misyaeish. I'm just curious to hear what everyone thinks about this topic, because it's not unlikely to happen, especially as this forum continues to grow.

KG, what if you met me, (Guard)? Would you be mortified?

Just curious, cuz I think I saw a kollel guy the other day...

guardureyes wrote on 27 Dec 2009 12:57:


ROTFL!

Well, Guard, (serious face), I think you should approach him, pat him on the shoulder, and tell him to keep up the good work.

guardureyes wrote on 27 Dec 2009 12:57:
That's really the real reason I'm in kollel. It's awsome camouflage.

Hi Guys!

I have to say that for many years, I felt much like KG.

But now I see things VERY differently. I believe and feel that we all have tremendous potential power in us and we need each other to actualize it. So if my neighbor would walk up to me one day and say "Um.. are you by any chance battleworn?" I would definitely be quite shocked at first, but then I would actually be very happy. It would mean that we can talk openly with each other and grow together.

Reb KG, I understand your feelings. But tell me: Someone who's living in a world FLOODED with filth in it's most powerful form and he already has gotten drawn in to it's powerful whirlpool. Against all odds he's trying hard to get out of it. Can you call such person "really just a perv"?

I think a Jew sitting at his PC looking at smut, is doing something so utterly disgusting that it can't be described in words. But that doesn't mean that HE is disgusting.

BUT A JEW WHO IS FIGHTING BACK AGAINST THIS HORRIFIC TZUNAMI THAT IS THREATENING TO DESTROY THE WORLD, A JEW WHO IS BEING MIKADESH SHEM SHOMAYIM IN SUCH A PROFOUND AND UNPRECEDENTED WAY, A JEW WHO IS BRINGING MOSHIACH WHILE OTHERS ARE SLEEPING, A JEW WHO IS ACCOMPLISHING TACHLIS HABRIAH IN THE ULTIMATE WAY; WHAT CAN BE MORE BEUTIFULL THAN SUCH A JEW?

I HONESTLY CONSIDER IT A BIG ZECHUS TO BE CONNECTED TO SUCH GREAT AND HOLY PEOPLE AND THAT'S WHY I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU TOMMORROW.

p.s. check out this thread: rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=960.0

I agree with you, Battleworn - I'd be glad to meet someone from the forum, my worry would be what THEY'RE going to do with that knowledge.

They're gonna stick big posters in yerusholayim 'STAY AWAY FROM MILCHAMA SHKEITA' just joking! If they would be on this forum aswell, they should have enough to be embarressed of themselves.

:D ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D ;D

And that's honestly how much I was just laughing!

Like I said, though - there's a big gap between accepting someone, and respecting them...and then deciding what to do when you open the door for your sister's/daughter's date and see the guy...