“Overcome Pornography for Good by Sara Brewer“
Never heard about that…. Would be interested in listening to something like that. Do any of the moderators or mentors have any thoughts on the topic?

I also definitely try and focus more on the positive. however, if I have a particularly strong urge I find I need a little extra push ie. Knas. To help me take a step back and go and do something productive like call a GYE friend or listen to music or learn. I think I’m just gonna go back to cold showers. Those seemed to really make me think before I fall. I also have done the freedom contract thingy and is currently being very helpful. 

Just an update, I am 12 days clean from porn and 2 days clean from masterbation. Over shabbos I realized that one of the devices in my house no longer has a filter since I recently switched filters. This relaxation brought up some urges and thoughts like “I really don’t want to fall but it would be sooo exciting to go on that computer since it had a filter and now it doesn’t “.
I can’t afford another filter so after shabbos I took the cord and put it in my parents room so if I really tried I’d have to explain why I’m taking a cord from their closet. Kinda want to figure out how to get a filter on it for cheap. 

I have noticed ever since I stopped watching porn I have been masterbating more (like 3 times this week).  I think it’s because in my mind it’s not as bad for some reason but I still want to stop did anyone else have this experience or have any advice?

1day613 wrote on 09 Jun 2024 19:56:

I just saw this post now, and listened to the part of the first episode and found it really helpfull. I can't vouch for the "kashrus" of the podcast but can vouch for the "Triefus" of the effects of not understanding what's in this podcast. Can anyone who has more experience regarding this podcast chime in? I found it very helpful, and presumably others would as well. It should get more attention...

Hi

I did listen to it for a while some years ago.  The problem is she is a devout cristian/cathlic and many of her live clients are men of the clergy.  She does back up her points with stories from their bible which I felt very uncomfortable listening to so skipped those bits. She has a calming voice and the psychology aspect of what she says is useful but I'd say that all in all it's uncomfortable listening to that stuff but maybe we do need a yiddishe podcaster to deal with these struggles directly and post on spotify or other platforms.  I guess that would be a decision for the grandmasters of GYE so if they are reading this... 

HUGE WIN!!!!  This past shabbos I was home for an off shabbos. Off shabbosim have always been a struggle/trigger for me almost always leading to p and m. There has only been one Bein hazmanim/off shabbos since my teenage years that I didn’t watch porn, I only watched inappropriate YouTube videos, which at the time was a win.  However this shabbos with the help of HHM and another friend of mine I didn’t try to access any unfiltered device, didn’t watch any movies or go on YouTube at all. Instead I learnt a little spent some time doing hobbies of mine (guitar,woodworking) and connecting with family. This was such a rejuvenating and rewarding off shabbos. Not to say at times it wasn’t hard there were many times I wanted to “just check my email on a certain unfiltered device”. But with the help of you guys I was able to let the urge be there, not focus on it, and go do something else. I did have a fall to m though but I am not letting that take any of my progress away from me. I am sooo thankful for GYE and all the friends I’ve met here!

Wow!! That is truly amazing!! I totally get it!! Just want to check emails, we all know where that can lead!!! Stay strong!!!
I would also like to highlight that you held yourself back from movies and YouTube!!! You truly are an inspiration! For Chanuka I was makebal and I am struggling!! It ain’t easy!
Keep up the great work!
Your an inspiration for us all!

    Trying

I woke up late today and missed first Seder (had a Mesiba last night that went really late). And usually when I would wake up late in the past I would want to use the p and m pacifier which would only make things worse but today I just acknowledged the thought of masterbating and didn’t beat myself up for waking up late. The thought of m didn’t even turn into an urge I was just like I don’t use that to cope anymore and had a really productive rest of my day. 

Just Sharing

Can someone answer this question for me. What is the purpose of kenasim and Shavuos in overcoming this. How much should one rely on them if at all. Basically to what degree should one utilize knasim. 

1day613 wrote on 05 Jan 2025 00:34:

It's a good question. And the answer can depend on the person. I highly recommend getting on the phone with HHM to talk out the question and answer.

But the general idea is knassos are tools. If they're helpful for you then there's a place for them. If not, not. One should never be imposing a knas as a punishment - punishing yourself is not helpful or healthy. As a rule, knassos imposed for acting out or for impossible tasks are punishments.

A knas can be helpfully used as a self-imposed way of strengthening a geder - for example a knas for using specific devices is a classic and helpful knas. But they must be thought out and personalized to be applied in instances where they can helpfully provide the needed oomph.

The end goal is of course change to the extent that you don't need to rely on a knas. But to get there you need to get your head above water for a bit, and there can certainly be a place for knassos in helping with that stage.

1day613 wrote on 05 Jan 2025 00:34:

I agree with everything that choosemyshem wrote above. 

Id like to add a few thoughts. 

I generally haven’t seen or heard of too much success with Knasim or Shvuos.  

Positivity usually works better than negativity, it’s important to know what you’re working towards, what you’re aiming for. 

What can be incredibly helpful are the following tools: 
1. proactive Gedarim. 
A smart person can track the pattern of the triggers and “slippery slopes” that lead to a fall. So if the last 4 times you went on YouTube aimlessly late at night it didn’t end well, you need to make a Kabala to avoid YouTube. Not porn.

You see, making firm commitments about what you’re going to do when in the grip of lust isn’t so productive. Because when a person is deep in the sweaty grip of his desires, he will change his mind. So the commitment has to be to avoid the situation one the first place, as much as possible. This is why Chazal created an Issur of Yichud. If you’re not alone with the woman, you won’t be in the situation where your desires will cause you to change your mind and decide to act out with her. When you’re not in the room with her it’s far less likely that you’ll get into that state. 
Knasos and Kabalos etc, if they are to be effectively used, can be far more effective when they are put in place to enforce such a commitment, rather than a commitment not to act out. 

2. Reaching out to friends. 
It can’t be overstated enough times. When you’re ready, developing a relationship with some of the guys here can be a compete game changer. In every way. It creates a genuine place to develop real change. It breaks the prison of shame and secrecy, even if you’re anonymous at first. Because talking to someone who understands and to whom you can talk to for real is a genuine as it gets, even if you don’t tell him your name. 

Hang on, you’re a good guy. There’s hope. You can get completely clean! GYE means hope. And it’s easier when you’re not alone! 

Here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim Oigen 

Chaimoigen that makes a lot of sense. Just looking back anytime I made a Knas if I fell, never worked. A gedarim knas seems like a much better idea. Also in the last few months I have reached out to a few people on GYE and have seen HUGE progress. I definitely agree that the main thing that is helping me is the connection with others. (I would love to Shmooze sometime

1day613 wrote on 05 Jan 2025 16:40:

Pleasure! Send me an email to my address below and we’ll take it from there imyH 

Ugghh having a rough time right now. I have been having urges all week and most of that is my fault for purposely fantasizing. I sort of took a peek at porn (pics) today and part of me just wants to fully fall down. Uggggghhhh help. 
didn’t even want to post but here I am.