hudaugen wrote on 27 Jan 2017 08:55:

I hear you!

Please see the video and more at
guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/304284-Relapse-is-a-Symptom-of-Recovery

From what I understand, stopping porning is step one. That was an escape. 
Nows time to start dealing with why we needed to escape in the first place, otherwise it will come back to bite again

Hudaugen - Check under the hood of your Truck

I suggest you join a group call, as I hope to do today ;-)

The solution lies in the title of this thread

KEEP ON GREAT TRUCKING

What do you mean by further?

Thank you Markz for you reply i will check it out. 
With further i mean, when you dont continue to go up you eventually fall - no?

I am guessing this is your take on the classic mussar concept if you are not going up then you are going down.
I dont know how true this would be for someone in recovery..
For most of us, not going down is the biggest struggle... as long as you are in a good place, with fences that work for you and boundaries that keep you safe, then in my opinion you should feel good, and accept another day of real recovery.
Recovery isnt just going uphill... BH you are not going down... focus on that!

It feels very good, to have been clean for 116 days since i started counting again. It really does get easier with the time but i still need to keep in mind that i am not totally healed yet. The fences and filters need to be upkept as don't want to start falling again, because i start enjoying life - going out with friends, in general being a happier person, can learn better - as yidden we B.H. have so many things to keep our minds occupied and we don't need to make space for these thoughts, as soon as  a thought does creep in, just start thinking about other things. I am not sure yet how be totally selfless, especially when it comes to my wife, but slowly getting there i would say.

So, today i am doing good. But yesterday was a hard day. I went out with my wife, and i tried very hard to keep my eyes in check, concentrating on things or just in general looking down. Then my wife told me i looked at a women with a mini 2 to 3 times, which got her very upset, she is absolutely correct at getting upset, The problem is i did not realise looking at all and i promised her that i did not have any sexual thought at all.- otherwise i am sure i would have remembered too. 

hudaugen wrote on 06 Feb 2017 15:48:

Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but whatever works.....

what do you mean? any solution?

End of the world if you look at a pair of tights?

She's monitorin' and gettin' upset if you look atI a kneecap?

 Let's live life.

that's true and i hope it will change soon.  But let's be honest she lived with me many years where i looked and acted upon seeing other women and now for just under a year i stopped this habit so it will take time that she realises how the new me thinks. 
lets cry and daven to hashem that it happens quick.

hudaugen wrote on 06 Feb 2017 18:37:

I'ma be cryin' with you 
Hatzlocha

its really crazy what goes on here, it just feels very good to be on the right track but every so often get reminders that you have not reached the goal yet - as there is no limit to this, its a never ending thing. I was on vacation now with my wife and i would say it is the first she really enjoyed it with me and i also enjoyed it very much with her, i did not have the urge to look around the whole time - although sometimes i did - but my thoughts did not go below the belt. I guess she felt that and was really supportive the whole time. Now that i am back i thought last night of how the past vacation would have looked like, this was not good thing to do, as i almost had a fall, when my thoughts got to far i just told Hashem to take over the steering wheel for me as i could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes i wish though i could go back, but then think of the unhappiness and emptiness i felt then - so i stop myself ontime..

The lust is B.H. reducing its force, i dont think so much in sexual terms anymore, which is a great success i would say.  The hard part now probably is to keep going strong and not let go of the fences allthough its very tempting at times. Have to keep up my filters and keep watching my eyes - it works very good most times - i just have to go out on the road with the right mind setting - that i have to watch my eyes and not look around..

Just realised i am now at the longest streak clean of 149 days - feeling good.

A truly amazing accomplishment. Enjoy the good feeling that hard work produces. Continued hatzlocha.