[quote="lavi" post=269657]
cordnoy wrote:
lavi wrote:
struggle struggle struggle.
won a week lost a week won a day lost a day.
today is movie day. found a quiet secure place and am watching for 7 hours straight.
hoping to hit rock bottom, or better said, i want to feel disgusted by this absolute waste of LIFE and RESOURCE.
Wow!
thanks for that share.
Did it work?
well today i didn't want to watch....only to finish the one i was in the middle of...
i guess , at least for now, the trick is not to download anything. so i don't have automatically an available full movie, [but i still have this one that i just have to finish..yikes..
once i have a good movie available...it is like being trapped in a quicksand..resistance is futile...HELP.
the good news is that i don't go for lust, or at least it is easier to keep away,
and i try to pick only action movies, and fast forward all the yucky parts.
BUT i *really*want*to be RID of wasting precious LIFE.
may i get there one day. amen. [/quote]
Hi Lavi,
I hate sharing my experience on this topic because it sounds condescending, but it's all anonymous so here goes.
I was clean for 2 weeks, then was mightily tempted last night, just to check out what was available, of course. Turned on the laptop, opened the browser, navigated to netflix (hope that doesn't trigger anyone), and BOOM - my filter blew me out of the water. The end.
I had forgotten that I had installed a filter that blocks all movies. My mashgiach told me many years ago tzadikim mashbiim es atzmom. It makes the urge more manageable to know that it's going to take some serious work to get access on my laptop. Mind you, I still agree the main filter is in your head because as far as I know my wife's smartphone could well have access, but I've never tried because in my head her phone is off limits.
I've lost count of how many times I have gone cold turkey on movies. Sometimes it lasted a day, sometimes a week, and sometimes for months on end. The times it worked for longer than a day is when I took steps to make movies inaccessible. I still remember the feeling of deleting a few hundred GB of downloaded shows. It didn't make me feel good, which was somewhat surprising. I gritted my teeth and ignored the voice that told me I could manage going cold turkey while maintaining access.
It's sad that I don't think I'll ever be free of the pull. Unfortunately, life is still more exciting and enjoyable when I have the excitement and anticipation waiting for me at the end of the day. I'm asking Hashem to help me find my way to enjoying life equally without movies. Until that happens, it's just a struggle that goes up and down, but it's a different struggle when access is tantalizingly available.
Hatzlacha!
