Hi friends!

I have a very difficult wife. I used to look at internet SHMUTZ because I felt lonely and I had a feeling that these models in some way cared for me by showing....

Anyway I am clean since Peasach. But now I am going through a very hard time. My wife isn't talking to me for over a month and certainly there is no relations. I have no idea if she went to Mikvu or not. She refuses to go into counseling. So here I am STUCK!

I cannot get divorced because of the kids. 8 of them.

What am I supposed to do now RBONO SHEL OLOM??!! I am in late 30s and still have a YETZER HURU for like anyone else and now I have no s*x at all. I feel lonely. I really need a mature relationship with a loving wife. OI VEIH what can I do???? Take a pilegesh?!!!!

Fatty

Welcome to our group. I really feell your pain. You will find on this forum many tools and people to help you deal with your situation.
Hatzlacha raba stick around

good morning brother, we are missing lots of details here, do u mind shraing a little more so we can help u get out of the mud, u r in good hands, keep up ur gr8 work

Fatty


A breaiten shulum alychem

Welcome home

Talk talk talk

We are here for you


We have no magic

But communication really works


Yeah the digital models make you "feel" good. But they don't make you good

They also kill all feelings in every other area in life


I don't know your shalom bayis situation

But you say u will remain married because
Of the 8 yummy zeeseh lechtigger kinder


What can you do for them

If they live in jail with father and mother not talking


I am sure you have valid complaints on her

I want to know if "for the kids" find a creative way to ask her how are you?how do you feel?what can "I". Do to correct the situation?


Even if she went to counseling it wouldn't help. It only helps. When one wants help

You need to get to first base with her


It takes hach-na-ah
It hurts

Yes it does

Another thing is tefilla

The Basheffer is "imo anoichey batzara"

Daven!!


Post away here

Bardichev

Nebach. We all feel your pain.
Kol Hakavod on your clean streak!

I have an idea; a way for you to get your wife back.
Read the book "Garden of Peace" by Rav Shalom Arush.
If you do the things he suggests, there's no way she won't want you back.
It will take a paridigm shift in thinking, and a lot of EGO bashing on your part.
But if marriage means something to you, you'd give it a try, no?

Meanwhile, sign up for the daily chizuk e-mails, get a good filter, and post on the forum... That can help keep you strong till you finish reading the book 

Dear Fatty,

Yes, you are indeed stuck. With yourself. Now, what to do?

It probably is great that you are here, and you are obviously trying to do something of great value now. You are clearly in deep trouble. Thanks for coming forward and sharing all that with us.

And at the same time, I have some tough questions for you. As others have already mentioned, it is plain that there is much more to the situation than you are stating. Is your wife not talking to you because you used porn in the past (before pesach)? Is it because she just found out about it? Is it something else entirely? Do you blame your compulsive use of porn in the past on her and her behavior, her weight, or her attitude toward you? You may not have masturbated or used porn for a while, but are you in any sort of recovery, or just resisting your bad desires? If you are not in any active recovery, then I am reasonably certain that your wife is still living with the same man she was with before...no wonder she is treating you like garbage.

I just want to ask these things, for your benefit, as the answers make no difference at all, to me. No matter how much I may be concerned and care for you, the matter is completely in your hands, as is my recovery in my own hands. I am completely powerless to use lust and I cannot control it. I have resentments and fears and pride and it is only through Hashem's Chessed that I am a different person than I used to be. Living with me is actually not bad at all, and often quite nice for my wife and kids.

Vas is los?

Welcome.  I agree with all the sentiments expressed above.  We feel your pain, and there are many here who can (and already have given you) invaluable advice.  You have your work cut out for you.  But you look like you are up for the task.  Hatzlacha.  P.S. Check out the Sholom Bayis thread in the married men's section.

There are two problems one marital and one your own addiction
possibly connected
there is no replacement for professional counseling
try to find a rav you can confide in -preferably one
with experience in marital issues  we are here as friends
but prrofessional guidance may be necessary- you alone at first-
then b'h both of you
HATZLOCHOH RABOH!!!!

hi!
you got some of the real veterans to come and offer you some wonderful advice, good for you.
sounds like you are in a tight spot and the missus is not ready to face the music. that is really tough. but it has a hidden good side in that it forces you to focus on yourself at the moment. and ultimately the only place where we can directly effect change is in ourselves. not the wife, kids, friends, children, neighbors or anyone. but the magic is that when we make some changes to our attitude we suddenly see that all the people we saw as rotten nothings are really great somethings. it isn't easy but it is worth it.
you are fortunate to have signed up here. you can post and share here and get chizuk and ideas and a sense of a shared struggle.
much hatzlacha!
zs

HI AND WELCOME  ;D

why u calling urself fatty?

welcome.

i dont know how your wife dosnt talk to you, it looks like you have a good sence of humor, lol

Maybe we scared the cheese out of him.  :o

maybe we didnt welcome him enough

fatty come back !!

we love you here

Yeah, we'll give you some of our own cheese!!  ;D