It is very important to separate the concept of teshuva from the concept of breaking free from an addictive habit. Keep focusing on the positive and allow yourself a sense of accomplishment while you go through this journey. The concept of teshuva will come later. Right now you need to work on getting to a healthy place.

While we don’t stop pushing for more growth, every small step in the right direction should be celebrated.

Please read a book such as the battle of the generation every day until you develop this mindset.

Best wishes
Vehkam

Ben Hashem, thank you so much for the kind words. I realize that I really need to have an internet filter on my devices (I used to have, but it was extremely overly censorial, and I had managed to stay clean for a long time without it, so I convinced myself I didn't really need it. I acknowledge now that I just need to find a better one.) I have people IRL that I talk to, but not like a weekly check-in. I also have a therapist. I spoke to my Rav this afternoon about this, and his basic point was that this is something many (according to him - most) people my age struggle with, and that I shouldn't expect myself to just "get clean". B'Mechilat kvodo, this didn't make me feel much better. Could I ask you to elaborate on what you mean by "whatever tomorrow brings, you can always be today done for good"? It sound like something that could be meaningful, but I don't quite understand what you mean.

Vekham, thank you for your response, but I don't know how it could be separated. We must ask G-d to heal us from all illnesses, both physical and spiritual, and to recover from spiritual evil is teshuvah. Obviously I know that the self-destructive attitude is bad and unhelpful, and am thus working on changing that, that is not somehow divorced from the process of teshuvah. Ultimately, I am doing all of this, with all of the struggle that it entails, in order to draw closer to G-d.

Rav Pincus in his shiurim on Chanuka, talks about Hod (Glory).

The Greeks were so successful because they didn't fight for the spoils but rather for the glory of the fight/win (Olympics, Alexander the Great etc.)

The Chashmonaim countered the glory of the Greeks by their glory of standing up for the Ribono Shel Olam even when they were vastly vastly outnumbered. They knew there was no hope but they fought anyway (and they won!).

I wonder if from where you stand now the end-goal of "winning" seems unattainable but that doesn't mean you can't have glory. Take pride in the fight!

Vekham, thank you for your response, but I don't know how it could be separated. We must ask G-d to heal us from all illnesses, both physical and spiritual, and to recover from spiritual evil is teshuvah. Obviously I know that the self-destructive attitude is bad and unhelpful, and am thus working on changing that, that is not somehow divorced from the process of teshuvah. Ultimately, I am doing all of this, with all of the struggle that it entails, in order to draw closer to G-d.

End quote 


If one tries to do teshuva before getting themselves to a healthy place the teshuva may be very much guilt based which is often debilitating and counterproductive.  Many who have been successful in this struggle have stated that it is best to put off thinking about teshuva until you have some confidence in your continuing success.



 It is not unhealthy to consider your work on overcoming challenges as a part of a teshuva process but the goal at this point should not be teshuva.   The goal should be to get to a healthy place where you have the ability to make good choices and to feel good about that. 

sprather wrote on 05 Jun 2025 21:15:

Absolutely

Here is a post I wrote that elaborates a bit on how I think about it: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/429380-Everlasting-Change-Vs-ODAAT#431258

Too much focus on tomorrow can skew the mindset to results only. What is needed today, and what Hashem expects from us in the moment, is appropriate action. If I do that, then the results that I am capable of will follow, and there is no need to worry about being clean forever tomorrow, because I'm already living it today.

vehkam wrote on 05 Jun 2025 23:25:

See Rabbeinu Yonah in his Yesod HaTeshuva (printed in the back of many editions of Mesillas Yesharim) who espouses this thinking.