I have struggled with this since I was 10 years old. I didn't grow up frum, so I was exposed to this stuff constantly throughout my childhood, and no matter how much I wanted to quit, I could never stop for long. I think the longest I was clean was probably around two weeks. I finally decided that I was done and signed up for GYE, and it was a game changer. I was suddenly capable of suppress and moving past these compulsive desires. I was clean for 37; I thought I was done for good. Then, over shabbat, I fell. I feel so bad about it. Coming off of that has made staying clean so much harder. I want to move past this, but now I doubt if I can. I just wanted to vent; thank you, to anyone to reads this.

Amazing that you had 37 clean days ! You can try contacting HHM : michelgelner@gmail.com. He’s been helping me a lot .

There's this story of a rich guy who offered $200 to whoever will swim across the 10 mile lake, the black swam 5 miles then got out of breath so he turned around and swam all the way back.

I guess you get the point, if this is the first time you're really feeling good about yourself for doing 37, then you're practically halfway there, if not more than halfway, so why swim back all the way?

Keep it up brother your almost there just keep on posting, finding friends who to vent to when you need it, find mentors to guide you and keep up the great work you've already put in , it's still there 

Hatzlacha raba brother 

     We cant be perfect. Dont let this one fall diminish the value of all the progress you have made. Learn from your mistakes, don't dwell on them. You've got this!

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

sprather wrote on 28 Oct 2024 19:42:

Hi and a warm welcome to the forums!
Sorry to hear about your fall. It hurts. Especially after a clear streak. (I once fell after 130 days and another time after 400 days. It's painfull and disheartening.)
But remember, when climbing up a mountain there will be some parts of the way that go downhill. It's just another chapter of your journey to sobriety iyH.
During those 37 days you have gained tremendous tools. You have proven to yourself that you are able to overcome challenges. 
We've all been there - obviously everyone has their unique challenges - but one thing is clear: falling is just another learning curve. Not an obstacle. Try analyse what triggered your last fall. Try find a tool that could prevent a simliar situation in the future.
Have you read TBOTG? Have you tried the F2F program? 
The streak is not the most important thing. It's more the inner change that creates long term change and success.
IyH you will succeed and get out of these habbits like a hero!
Together we'll beat the YH!!
Stay strong!

Much Hatzlacha!
UpAndDown

Lev Aryeh, is there anything specific that I should ask him?

Contact him and tell him your problem, he can help guide you in the right path.

Welcome to the best family in the world!

Here you will earn that you CAN break free!
As upanddown mentioned, there are many tools here that can be very helpful in overcoming the struggle. 
And, as levaryeh mentioned, speaking to HHM (Hashem Help Me) can also be powerful - it was for me.

There is one tool that wasn't mentioned here and that is the power of friends. Friends made on GYE are one of the most potent forces to help you break free. 
Read around on the forums, find a story or two that speak to you, and reach out to the author.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!
Keep us posted!
And, as always...
KOMT!!

I have similar feelings. I grew up frum and have been struggling in these areas since I am around 12 years old. I know the constant feeling of having a few good stretches and then falling. I myself just fell after a little bit of being clean. We have to be able to keep pushing on and fighting. Not to say it gets easier, but when you are clean, you feel much more free and alive. That feeling is worth it to keep on fighting the good fight. You got this, hang in there and keep fighting.

Dear Winner, you sound like a wonderful person with a lot of positivity. But, there's a smarter way to fight. Make some friends here, ask questions, learn about yourself, what are your struggles, what are the tips and techniques for getting better, and it DEFINITELY should be getting better! 
To the OG, I'm sorry for your fall! You are  a hero to be where you are today! BE PROUD OF YOURSELF! And know, the YH never, ever declares bankruptcy. He keeps trying, and you can learn the way out. This is the place. Stick around, learn the ropes, learn about yourself, the struggles, and how we can get past it.
Key: FRIENDS!!!!
Keep trucking, Friend!