I just had a small thought that frankly is very obvious and I should have picked up earlier.
I keep feeling a lot of pressure still from this huge nisoyon. I am sure that if I was exposed to an unfiltered device I would be In  the abyss in less the 10 seconds. I am absoutly petrified!
But inspired by yesterdays V'yimoen video and the other worldly victory that soulwork posted, that he was exposed and overcame ( I am still amazed!), something hit me:
Chazal tell us in many places that HKBH does not give a nisoyon that we are not equipped with the ability to overcome.
So it comes out like this: If I am correct that I cannot overcome the nisoyon of being exposed to an unfiltered device then I will never be put into such a situation. (Obviously I can not bring it on myself, as Harav Yisroel S'lanter said we can give ourselves a nisoyon that we are not equipped to overcome.) But if I do my best to stay away from these devices and I still find myself somewhere exposed to it, that means it is HKBH that is testing me. And if he is testing me, the I clearly have a lot more ability then I think I do because I can obviously pass it. If not , he would not give it to me in the first place. (Worth repeating that I still can not be haphazard about it but try my best to stay away from the nisoyon.)

If this is the case, there is not any place for panic. Because I will for sure only face a nisoyon if I am capable of overcoming. If I am  not, I won't face it. And if I do , then I am clearly stronger then I think I am. I have to go with the mindset of ":I can beat this!". I would not have it in the first place if I couldn't!  It is probably obvious to many, but it hit me like a ton of bricks! I can do this!
Chevra, We can do this!
Thank you soulwork for inspiring me with this thought!

jollylemur95 wrote on 03 Jan 2025 15:14:

I hate to be that guy. And this is a great inspirational thought. But you missed an option. It's possible that Hashem will put you in that situation and you can't pass. That means it's not a nisayon. It doesn't mean you won't do the aveira. 

chosemyshem wrote on 03 Jan 2025 19:20:

I hear you.
In truth, we are not privy to what HKB"H wants exactly from us in any given circumstance.
But I think we can all agree that our attitude has to be when we are faced with a nisoyon, is that he wants us to pass and gave us the ability to do so.

The only thing we are really privy to is the golden work that we are witnessing our fellow GYE brothers putting in!! Keep up the GREAT WORK Jolly!!! You're my hero

jollylemur95 wrote on 03 Jan 2025 15:14:

Very well said! Especially your line "If this is the case, there is not any place for panic". 

I am very shaken up. I am embarrassed to expose what happened but where else can I relieve my self if not here with the best friends I can ever hope for. But I hope I can make amends with my thought afterwards that maybe someone will like.

I have been going through a very hard period in my life for the past few weeks. This is on top of my difficulties keeping away from these unwanted activities. It all came to a head on Friday. I was feeling very aroused in general and I was driving diff places. I was exposed to 3 or 4 women who triggered me. I literally ripped my eyes away before I can get a  second look. I was feeling even more vulnerable after that. I then saw a non-jew looking at his phone. I am ashamed to say but As I saw him I had a fleeting thought of "he is so lucky. He can look at whatever he wants. I wish I was "someone who can look at whatever he wants". This thought went for around 2 seconds. I was shaken to the core! Did I really just wish I was a goy?! Look how far I have fallen!  I started making a cheshbon Hanefesh and realized I have to work on my ahavas Hashem.

There are various different approaches from the Rishonem and Achronim on how to come to Ahavas Hashem. I started thinking about the discussion on Ahava in general that is discussed at length by Rav Dessler and Rav Wolba  Zichronom  T"L. They discussed how the way to come to love someone is through giving them. (The word Ahava, love, comes from the word Hav, to give.) This got me to really start thinking. For those of us who have received new chossen shmooze from HHM on what the proper mindset is supposed to be in the bedroom know a major component of it is that a man (as opposed to a women) have a deep desire to be givers. To be there when someone needs us. It  is something that we can probably all relate on a certain level. I started thinking why don't I do that for hashem? There has been a lot of focus (and rightfully so) on what I gain from becoming clean. Even the classic book (highly recommended) TBOTG puts a lot of emphasis on how we are gaining so much more then what we are giving up by refraining from these illicit actions.  I was thinking the other way. Let em give to hashem my desires to act out or look at inappropriate material. It would be my present to HKBH! Now Shem recently correctly pointed in a great post (I wish I knew how to attach the link to that post) that HKBH needs nothing. He has everything But there is something I can give him that he desires (not needs) that no one else can give him. The nachas ruach of me restraining myself  because that is what he wants! (admittedly , he wants for my good not his) Every nisoyon is different then the one before so even if I passed a diff nisoyon he never had the nachas ruach of me PASSING THIS PARTICULAR NISOYON. How great that feels that I can give something to the master of the world that he never had before!  Me passing the given nisoyon. It is not just me. Every person has their own nisoyon. Even if 2 people face what appears to be the exact same nisoyon, it is not. There are many variables that only HKBH can discern that makes everyone's nisoyon unique. Which makes that the nachas ruach everyone gives hashem when they are Oimed B'nissoyon special and unique. This thought gave me excitement. I can do something for him that Moshe rabainu couldn't do! Me, small little jolly passing a nisoyon. With that I am giving him something that he never had before. Again, he does not need it . He desires it for our sake. But he still desires it! And only I/we can give it to him! This will give an incredible amount of joy! This will also hopefully increase my ahavas hashem so I will never ever have such a terrible thought. At the same time it gives motivation to keep up the fight.

I actually tried this outlook today when I came across a trigger and it turned the whole experience into one of giving because I want to give not a backbreaking or more accurately an urge breaking labor.
For sure, this will not take away the nisoyon and will not work every time but it is another tool in the arsonal to fight. Turning it into a labor of love.

Sorry for such a long post. I am embarrassed by what transpired but I hope I can gain from it.

Just as מחשבות זנות are עולות על הלב on their own, and our mission is not to be תר after them so too אחרי לבבכם זו מינות are natural thoughts and our job is only not be be תר. As long as we have not been מקיים והשבות על לבבך to it's fullest, and who can say that he has, it is normal for such מחשבות to occur. And just as you don't need to beat yourself up for thoughts of זנות, you just do your best not to stray after them, and sometimes maybe you lose yourself for a bit, but you fight and win some lose some, so too with מחשבות like these. Two seconds of being נמשך after normal thoughts that were generated by לא עבדו ישראל ע"ז אלא להתיר עריות בפרהסיא is really understandable.

Realizing this has personally helped me with עבודת האמונה. Getting down about these types of thoughts causes one to get more involved in them, very similar to the types of thoughts we more frequently discuss on GYE. They're really very similar, like is clear from how they're put together in the pasuk אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם.

Not to discourage you c'v from looking for new ways to motivate yourself and come to אהבת ה. But you don't have to beat yourself up!

Beautiful post; we sometimes have such minor slips which are given to us for our sake, and as I've come to learn they actually may be very helpful in teaching us new strategies, and perspectives in how to knock out this beast.

Thanks for sharing, working on our Ahavas Hashem is definitely an awesome strategy, the only thing I might edit, is that it's not you who should be ashamed, the YH has his way of fighting back and dragging us down making us feel ashamed, when in reality I think he should be ashamed of us GYE'ers, who are totally disregarding him, and beating the living daylights out of him.

KOMT!!! With love Akiva

I never stop being inspired by the greatness and Sheifos of the Baalei Nefesh and Bnei Aliya in this special place!

I had a new understanding of an objective that HHM speaks about and I know many people follow. (or maybe it is old and it just went over my head until now)
DE objectifying the person as a s** toy but view her/him as a human being.
I was driving today and I stopped to let a woman cross the street. I saw her and in that quick first glance noticed that she is very attractive. I turnred away. As I did I noticed that she was pushing a child in a wheelchair r"l. I started thinking to myself: You are so SELFISH! She has a child who is disabled and all I can think about is how she looks?!! How about care enough to have her child in mind when I daven!  Or at least give a krechs that another yid has a difficult peckle! That hurt because with all my flaws , I never thought of myself as selfish)  At that moment, I did not view her as a toy at all but as another yid (and human being) who has a life with challenges just like the rest of mankind. My heart went out to her and I saw her and did not focus on what she looked like at all. 
A learning experience for sure that maybe I can try to put into practice more often. When I view someone as just a toy for my viewing enjoyment, I am being selfish!  That is a title I definitely do not want to have. I have to view the person as someone who has challenged like the rest of us even if I am not aware of them. I should feel for them rather then feeling on them!
Just hit me but maybe everyone understood that already. I guess better late then never.

You are a well source of chizzuk my friend. 
Learning all these new things and growing is why we are all here. 
May your journey continue as you soar into the clouds 
Hatzlacha