Hello,

This is my first time on the forum. It took me a lot of courage to go on to it. I have been struggling with these things for  awhile. Usually it was M as porn was not accessible. I have always tried to keep all my devices clean. However recently I was exposed to an unfiltered device and I feel into that too for a while. BH that device is no longer accessible so I don't have to deal with that angle of it for now. But now Masturbation is the main concern. I am trying mightily to kick it but I feel like a caged tiger that is waiting for a release. Every walk down the street , to grocery, Bais Medrash, is agonizing. Keeping my head down at all times is my only option ant women regardless of how appropriately she is dressed is a trigger. Is there anyone who has some chizuk or guidance for me?   
In addition I want to be clean from this stuff not because it is not accessible but because it is the wrong. I feel like if I got my hands on an unfiltered device it would be under a minute I would in the depths of this shmutz.

I just wish I can be normal that not every women is an almost overpowering urge to Do P&M.

Can anyone help?

Shalom Brother and welcome!

It's hard, but getting this out and connecting with people who can relate is a huge step. 

There is a great book, The Battle of the Generation, which is worth a read. It's available through GYE as a pdf or audio and can also be purchased on Amazon. Caging a tiger takes a lot of willpower. Learning to appreciate the wins switches you from defense to offense, where urges are an opportunity to feel good about yourself for saying no.

You are normal.
Keep it touch, connect with the holy chevra here, and BezH you'll be on your way to feeling normal and beating this yetzer hara. 
Hatzlacha

Thank you for responding.

I can communicate to everyone through here or is there a specific person you have in mind?

Your story breaks my heart! The guilt, self-loathing, self-hatred.. all too familiar to me and so many others here.

Was a zechus speaking to you, and hearing my own story coming through.....

Jolly, we will be beat this together!!!  Very soon, your name will describe your feelings and we'll be flying high together!

With a ton of brotherly love,
Muttel

You can communicate with everyone through the forum.
There is also private messaging through GYE, which can be connected to the email you used for your account.

If you are up for it, email HHM (user HashemHelpMe) michelgelner@gmail.com
He has helped countless people with their struggles.

There are also others who have emails and Google voice numbers that are terrific to reach out to. Hopefully they will stop by to extend their greeting and contact info.
**edit: Reb Muttel who just responded would be an incredible person to get in touch with. Check his signature for the details.

Kol Tov

Dear brother jolly, just 29 days ago I was in the exact same place as you, {you can check out my thread}, it's so comforting and exciting to have someone with more or less the same situation on board. 

But here I am just 29 days later feeling almost done completely after lots of strategizing together with prime Minister HHM and defense Minister MUTTEL I can now say I feel pretty comfortable and confident that I'll be done with this completely in the near future.

Same goes to you brother, just reach out to the cabinet members and you to will see your self freed very soon.

Main thing is "believe in yourself" and keep the spirit high תמיד בשמחה וביחד ננצח

Thank you!

I spoke with Mottel and we are in an on going conversation.

Welcome to the GYE family!

Here you will find that you CAN break free!
As has been mentioned, The Battle of the Generation is a powerful tool on reframing the struggle. (See here for a great application of it! He's also great to shmooze with...)

Another very powerful tool, for me, was connecting with friends through GYE. Having a real friendship can be tremendous...

Looking forward to hearing from you!
Keep those posts coming...

KOMT!!

I appreciate all the responses greatly!

i am really struggling and feel so terrible that I can not kick it. and the feeling of being about to explode is unbearable!!
It is so hard to even think that one day the urges will return to normal levels and I will be free of this filth.

Welcome R' Jolly! You're in the right place, we're just like you here. I don't have much to add to the above replies except to say feel free to reach out to the oilam, this Yetzer Horah feeds on loneliness. And I highly recommend connecting with HHM, both he and his accountability program have changed many lives, including mine! Accountability is particularly useful in getting you into a normal frame of mind, and helping you realize that you can do it, thereby enabling you to start and work on building strong defenses.

Wishing you much hatzlocha,
iwantlife

jollylemur95 wrote on 14 Oct 2024 15:29:

Feel free to reach out. Email is in my signature. 

Hey! Congrats on the first post!

And welcome!

Jolly, I'm very confident that you'll get to where you want to be much faster than you think possible. You've already done the hard part - taking the first step. Now it's just a matter of taking a few more, easier, steps.

Hatzlacha!

Hi and Welcome!

Just will ditto what everyone saI'd above. Reach out to HHM. You won't regret it. 
Continue posting. Use the GYE material and BeRas Hashem you will be successful!

Shalom Brother,

Here is a link to the ebook on GYE's library. There is a download link on the bottom of the page for the PDF 

guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

Continued Hatzlacha!

Heilige tzadik, we are happy you are on here to share your story. Feel free to open you heart and share whatever is on your mind. 
You won't make anyone vomit!!! 
You are in the best place. 
Take advantage of connecting with the amazing tzadikim here and don't be shy. They are awesome. Being here has helped me and I'm sure you'll find people to connect to and who understand you.