Do you think it’s easier to stop when you have a wife?

At this point, I’m not ashamed of my habit because I know so many people have it. And if they aren’t watching it, then they probably have some other thing they need to deal with. I’ve even talked to some of my female friends about it and offhand conversations.

The reason I’d come back to it is because I crave love. I don’t come from an orthodox background, but identify with a struggle.

I think it’s good that you told her. If she’s super just, mentally, you have to explain to her that it’s incredibly common these days. For every girl who develops body image problems because of social media, a guy develops a port addiction.

proudyungerman wrote on 08 Mar 2024 05:35:

Relax. You’re in a good place. Learn something that empowers you. Five minute of thoughtfulness. Doesn’t have to be directly addressing Shmiras einayim if it’s not working now. The main thing is to put yourself into a state of aware awareness of growth, of the RBSHO, of yourself. 

Git Shabbos. Menucha Visimcha Ohr Layehudim !

proudyungerman wrote on 08 Mar 2024 05:35:

Here are some suggestions for a seder in this area:
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/vehaer-eineinu?category_id=149 
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation?category_id=149
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/windows-of-the-soul?category_id=149

Guilt is to the soul what pain is to the body. Pain itself is not a good thing, but it does serve a positive purpose. Pain alerts you to a problem that requires action, it calls you to seek its source and alleviate it.

Guilt serves a positive purpose too. Guilt that eats away at us is pointless. But guilt can be used as a catalyst for becoming a better person, when it alerts us to acknowledge mistakes we have made, take responsibility for them and not blame others - even if others were partially to blame - and then resolve to be better for the experience. We must turn around the negative feelings, so they can propel us to do more good.

Guilt creates a void in our soul. Fill that void with something meaningful. Redirect your energy towards a new venture that will benefit someone in need. That way you don't just alleviate the guilt, you actually transform it into a force for good.

You can't bring back the potential that was lost. But you can reclaim your own potential. Don't let guilt paralyze you any longer. Ask G-d to forgive you. Then turn your guilt around, and use it as a springboard for positive action. Make what was a negative chapter in your life into the introduction to the next chapter; making the world a better place, starting from you.

Apparently, my YH thinks that חזל said משנכנס אדר מרבים בתאוה...

Any ideas on how to re-educate him?
(I'm only half joking...he did really think that)

Give him (or you) to drink.

Apparently, my YH thinks that חזל said משנכנס אדר מרבים בתאוה...



Any ideas on how to re-educate him?

(I'm only half joking...he did really think that)A lamdan of a yetzer hara - mstama he's relying on the juxtaposition of the parshas nazir and parshas sotah. 

Probably your YH is the same guy telling women it's a good idea to get dressed up in some absurd costume and wander around on Purim.

proudyungerman wrote on 11 Mar 2024 14:52:

dress up like a woman,
youll be תאווה in the negative!
#Facts

proudyungerman wrote on 11 Mar 2024 14:52:

You re-educate him by doing what you’re doing.

You shall continue to experience Taavah, because you’re alive, male, and red-blooded. But as you continue to positively choose how you wish to react to Taavah, you will develop patterns where the Taavos will be manageable and won’t pull practically towards the “Limaasah”…

Are you a beast in the costume of a proud yungerman, or rather truly a proud yungerman who merely has some bestial thoughts, on occasion? YOU shall choose, with time and practice. 

Maarbim Bisimcha, friend!!

I just started the sefer וימאן מבית אז נדברו and have found it very positive and powerful. Reb CO is right (as usual:)). Learn something that picks you up, that brings mindfulness. Or, just continue being you. YOU are a wonderful person and a true inspiration!

Yesterday was an interesting day. It started off positive as I woke up on time for shacharis - 6:45 - after going to sleep around 1 am.When I got to first seder, I was learning well (without a chavrusa) and I suddenly found myself hit by a surge of תאוה. It was quite annoying, especially considering that giving in was not on the radar. BH I was fine and it also helped to text some GYE friends. 

As the day progressed, I noticed that the YH  had moved on to greener pastures. BH!
Little did I know what was awaiting me later...

As it turns out, the YH wasn't done. He got me to waste the first hour and a half of night seder (on GYE:). I was feeling a little ichy from that, but I pushed it away. I then proceeded to learn, I mean shmooze, with a chavrusa for the last half hour of seder. Although there was toeles to that shmooze, it wasn't learning.

When I got home I realized that I wasn't feeling particularly good about myself based on how I spent (wasted) my night seder. My wife had gone to sleep early and I was planning on getting into bed by 11. (I got home around 10:20.) I went upstairs and found my son in my bed. I picked him up and as I walked into his room to return him to his bed, my 10 month old woke up...and I still had to bring out the garbage, recycling, and yard waste. (Foolie, I said garbage not laundry...)

B'kitzur, I realized that YH had simply switched hats and was trying to get me to feel ichy about myself and from there get me to go to sleep late and after that is already happening it doesn't take long...

B"H being that I am a proud member of GYE, and have had new ideas banged and bopped into me, I was able to not only spot the trick but also combat it properly.

[Yes, I'm human. I have good days and bad ones. I am doing great and am proud of where I am holding. Just because I wasted a night seder doesn't mean I should be down in the dumps and upset at myself. Etc.]

B"H it worked! I managed to get into bed by 11:30 and went to sleep shortly after which enabled me to get up before shacharis this morning to learn...SUCCESS!!

KOMT!!!!

It’s amazing how just because I complain about the amount of laundry I need to do (which has not gotten done today which means a super long Wednesday night for me) and I don’t complain about the garbage that I don’t have to take care of the garbage (I’m just incredibly lax and lazy about the garbage and leave it for the other tenants to take care of) there is so much you need to learn young Jedi padawan and because you asked so nicely without even realizing that you did so 

BOP
you have been bopped Sir. Good day

foolie wrote on 13 Mar 2024 01:34:

Hit him with your Smeltings stick, Dudley.

foolie wrote on 13 Mar 2024 01:34:

POW! 
You have been SHOT! 

Remember...'em cowboys are quick on the draw and we also shoot from the hip...

Shoot first ask questions later is the motto...

proudyungerman wrote on 13 Mar 2024 02:48:

My wife thanks you for your sincere attempt to shoot me. A complaint will be filed with the WCA (Who Cares Anonymous) about this incident. Expect a resolution shortly. Good Day Sir