proudyungerman wrote on 19 Jan 2024 02:39:

OMG!! Is that Foolie huffin' and puffin' as he is nearing the circle...and he does it! As Cordnoy stretches out his hand foolie grabs on and enters the circle and slowly allows himself to be swept up in the emotion of the moment! I might even see some tears in the corner of his eyes...foolie is finally gripeless...  

I can't believe that it's only been two weeks since I was introduced to the nicest sledgehammer in the world. I feel like it has been at least a couple of months! 

Thank you to all my friends who have helped me so far on this wonderful, painful, uplifting, growth-filled, rollercoaster journey of life. Thank you for believing in me, pushing me, encouraging me, and yes also using that famous GYE sledgehammer when necessary! The amount of time I have spent on the phone these last two weeks is more than I have spent in a long time (even more than on those wretched phone lines;). 

I really owe HHM a tremendous thank you for really teaching me, guiding me, and helping me see the good in myself to ensure that I can do this successfully! I now really understand what true intimacy is and I am attempting to implement it in my marriage.


I also owe IWLR a special shoutout for reaching out and giving me tons of time as I was getting comfortable with the idea of posting and calling HHM. I really enjoy the friendship and look forward to meeting in person soon!

With the Mikveh this erev Shabbos it should be a cleansing for eternity! We should all be zoche to be who we are meant to be!

A question that's been banging around inside for a while...While I was working with my therapist one of the angles we discussed was trying to create a safe space. We discussed different strategies as to how to create that and I implemented them. Besides for one thing.


That wretched phone line still had my cc number saved on it saving me the fight of having to put it in. I couldn't figure out how to take it off. I was planning on "losing" it and then be forced to cancel the card and shalom al yisrael. Except that I didn't. For some "strange" reason I couldn't bring myself to do it.


During my last fall as I got off that wretched phone line I got a fraud alert from my bank. My heart started racing at the opportunity that lay in front of me. I did it. I texted back "N", no it wasn't me. My card was cancelled, I didn't pay for that call, and I successfully made it harder for me to fall. 


I haven't had a fall since that day 40 days ago.


Was I right or not?  Should I have texted back "Y" and then continued with the plan to "lose" my card some other time - hopefully soon?(I will ask a competent Rav about the Halacha - curious about general thoughts on the question)

The seraphim were singing. The angels were dancing. The chayos v'ofanei hakodesh exulted in the praises of the holy and soon-to-be ProudYungerman.

proudyungerman wrote on 30 Jan 2024 03:48:

Acher Hu. 
No, it wasn’t YOU who made that call…

I’m not sure of the Halacha. (Maybe you can find a way to reimburse them).

But sometimes in a split second of a moment a person is given an opportunity to grab, and if you do… you shall be saying ages hence that that has made all the difference…

There’s a story I heard from one of my Rabaim about a fellow in one of the Yeshivos in Europe who was talking in learning by a meal and realized he had forgotten a Tosfos. He was so distraught he immediately got up, without remembering to Bentch, and ran into a room , where he learned Torah non-stop for 10 years, becoming a Gadol BaTorah (the story doesn’t mention the details of the plumbing facilities that the room was or wasn’t equipped with).
A great Mashgiach said that had he asked a Shayla he would have been told he must Bentch before leaving the table.
But he also said that it’s most likely that, had he waited, he would have lost the power of that moment, and never would have become the Gadol that he did…. 

Who knows where you would be today had you answered “Yes” to that question. You answered N and grabbed the moment in the moment. You slammed the door and said: Nevermore. That’s not me. Acher Hu. 
And that has made all the difference.

Keep Proudly Monster Trucking!! 
איש החפץ בחיים

PS. ‘Twas a wonderful hug.

proudyungerman wrote on 30 Jan 2024 03:48:

I'm jealous

chaimoigen wrote on 30 Jan 2024 05:13:

I'm jealous (Not a typo)

eerie wrote on 30 Jan 2024 18:22:



To my Heilige Rebbi and friend R' Eerie...I am waiting for you with open, outstretched arms! I'll give you my address whenever you are ready...

proudyungerman wrote on 31 Jan 2024 00:55:

Why not make it an official Hug Fest Party and post your address right here on the forum? 

Wait…don’t. I’m having a visual of thousands of James-like characters making their way down to your place, hands outstretched, a strange red glint in their eyes, chanting “the real me, the real me, the real me!!”….Help!!!

proudyungerman wrote on 30 Jan 2024 03:48:

I wonder if these lines have a din of mazik es harabim, in which case it would be a mitzva to put them out of business? Based on my not knowing of anything in dinei mamonos.... 

chaimoigen wrote on 30 Jan 2024 05:13:

I think that perhaps sometimes hashem takes away our bechira for these types of moments (if they do exist...). But every seif katan in shulchan orech is for our spiritual benefit. Hashem told us how to grow and come close to him. Doing the wrong thing to get a net gain somewhere else, as far as I know, isnt the way. That being said our hero did the right thing.

I think that you made the right call. You got an opportunity to break free from something that had a terrible grip on you. HaShem gave you that chance, he threw you a lifeline and you took it. We don’t need to make this battle any tougher than it already is. 

Mazel Tov!!

proudyungerman wrote on 31 Jan 2024 00:55:

I'm ready now, I just need to find affordable flights from Burma

A thought that has had more meaning for me in the last couple of days...

We say in Pesukei D'Zimra אהללה ה בחיי אזמרה לאלקי בעודי. 
I heard a pshat about ten years ago when I was in yeshiva as follows. 


אהללה ה בחיי - We are telling Hashem that I will praise you with my life - the way I live my life will inherently be a praise to Him.

אזמרה לאלקי בעודי - I will sing to Him with my עוד, with my more. Every time I push myself forward, grow a bit more, access more of the light, THAT is  my personal song to Him. And what a beautiful song it is turning into!


As I continue the ever present journey upwards towards ultimate קדושה, טהרה, and שלימות with a new, deeper understanding this passuk continues to give me a push to add to my personal praise and to add more stanzas to my song.
(It also helps me refocus my davening! )



(P.S. Anyone know who Karma is? Is he related to James?? And why is he under to everyone's name?)