I've been bitten by the lust bug. I almost did something tonight that could've been stupid and the start of a slippery slope.
BH I didn't, and I immediately texted a GYE friend and spoke out with him what happened.

I need to up my guard, strengthen the defense, and restart a hard, full court press.
Time to fire up the offense, full speed ahead.

I am committing to read two pages of TBOTG from now until Chanukah, to post a daily update at least tomorrow and Sunday, and to check in with a GYE friend at least once a day.

As always, tips are always appreciated.

proudyungerman wrote on 19 Dec 2024 03:41:

I'm sorry Brother,
Glad you caught yourself and are taking steps to adjust.

Care to check in with 2 GYE friends? I'd love to hear your takeaway from the day's reading of TBOTG.
Hatzlacha!

B"H today was better than yesterday, but still a rollercoaster.

I am trying to do some serious introspection to see if I can gain any insight on what changed.
I hope to spend some time on Shabbos thinking, maybe even to come up with some ideas for consistent, positive change.

Missed yesterday's check-in, but BH all is good.
Urges have subsided somewhat, but not expecting that to last (at least right now).

Forgot to read TBOTG last night (but it was an amazing night for me, was so worth it!), hope to get back into it tonight.

Funnily enough, I didn't have so much time over Shabbos to think as my predetermined slot disappeared on me. 

I think much of what changed was my ability to be actively involved in growth the way I was before. I am working on figuring out ways to improving that aspect of things.

And remember, as always...
KOMT!!
(without a "g")

Sometimes despite our efforts to stay clean, (no looking,  obviously no watching) the lust bug just hits you out of the blue, and your left wondering, what the heck am I doing wrong? These are reminders that we're still human, a gift from Hashem that we gotta be on guard at all times and never get complacent. But even you'll admit, that these reminders are like taps on the shoulder compared to the overwhelming tidal waves of lust that used to completely threaten to drown you. Take a moment to reflect on your growth, your low points are miles away from your old high points. You're dealing with them the best way by reaching out to your buddies. Keep on showing us the way and blazing the path for your many Talmidim to follow!

I'm currently home, by myself, for a few days.
I am currently slightly more vulnerable than I'd like to be.
(I'm very tired and my wife hasn't been able to be there for me as much as I need like, which shows.)

I'm going to be fine, I'm going to come out way bigger and better than I started this week.
I am going to come out clean.

In order for that to happen, I need to:
1) Be in touch with people
2) Be in touch with people
3) Be in touch with people
4) Be in touch with people
5) Get to sleep at a normal hour
6) Keep TBOTG in mind throughout the day
7) Minimize my time at home alone

Looking forward to checking in later with a clean bill of spiritual (and physical) health!

(As an aside, I have been noticing that the ideas from TBOTG have been popping into my head at different times of necessity. IDK, but I'm happy!)

proudyungerman wrote on 01 Jan 2025 03:26:

Now that you've enjoyed the full redfaced experience ( the hug on both cheeks - and the another one)  feel free to call whenever.

Day 361

ברוך שהחיינו וקיימנו לזמן הזה!


As my time home alone draws to a close I feel extraordinarily happy. This is not the first time I was home alone since I started my GYE journey, but this time was by far the hardest. I was very tired and, as I mentioned, have been struggling a little with the lust bug. It had seemed to be slowly leavin' me, but this was too good of a target.

Depending on the time of day being home was triggerin', being in the Kollel was triggerin', and once, today, both were triggerin'! (Then I just remembered that I had to get gas so off I went and called a GYE friend while I was doin' so, BH for that! Thanks! YKW you are!)

There is no question in my mind that had this been earlier in my journey that I would've fallen, and hard. 

This time I was able to realize that it's ok to have an urge and not do anything about. It really hit me that I have the freedom to literally do anything I want, from porn to phone sex lines and worse. There was no one watching me. There was nothing stopping me. Except myself (with the help of some friends...but even friends just help me stop myself...).

But I didn't have to give in! I can feel the urge, the pain, the desire to act out to my heart's content, and have the space to think and realize that this is not what I want to do. I am not going to do it! And when it got really tough, I called a friend.

אין מילים בפי להודות להקב"ה על כל הטובות, ובפרט שהגיעני לדרגא זו שנראה לי שבאמת, אחר כמה שנים, בחירתי חבושה תחת ידי. ותפילתי אל אבי שבשמים שאזכה, אם כל קהילה קדישא הדין, לעלות מעלה מעלה בקדושה וטהרה אמיתית עד ביאת גואל צדק במהרה בימינו!

Special thank you to my GYE friends who reached out at many different times. It warms my heart to know that you are thinking of me and you care.
Thank you!

proudyungerman wrote on 03 Jan 2025 04:57:

mines frend, yu hubing a groise mistake, i not YKW, yu cant telling me hu i am, i am de groise baba frum gye, de famous funny joke of gye, not ykw.

and by de way i'm thinking we have to changing his name to UNH cause now dat he's chasidish it's U No Hu, not ykw...