Wow!

So exciting to hit such a nice milestone! Thanks for sharing with us!

Many more!

Mazel Tov! Superb!!

Keep plowin'

ainshumyeiush wrote on 12 Feb 2024 19:36:

With Siyata Dishmaya, so many here have found that what was once impossible can become normal.
ששים גבורים סביב לה מגבורי ישראל כולם אחוזי חרב מלומדי מלמחה....

May you be Gebentched to experience clarity, Menuchas Hanefesh, inner peace, and may it be that "everything else that is going on right now" falls into place with Chessed!
KOMT!
With admiration,
Chaim

70 days is crazy. I would have thought it to be wishful thinking if someone would have told me that I would have 70 days clean a few months ago. It's a huge accomplishment that I am super proud of and always will be.
anyhow, onwards to day 1

Wow, 70 days is an incredible accomplishment! It's been an inspiration seeing your posts the last couple of months. Looking forward to following the next part of your journey. 

ainshumyeiush wrote on 26 Feb 2024 18:03:

to clarify, because im not sure if i came across clearly in the last post, after 70 days clean, i had a few falls. I guess i went back to the previous default coping mechanism once life got tough. Im still incredibly proud of my 70 days, and i know that they're mine forever. But now i need to reassess my plans going forward, although i know that giving up the unfiltered device i now have will be very hard to do. Its my escape valve from my life, and i don't know if im ready to get rid of it. Either way, ill try to keep everyone informed.

Just want to say that you always inspire. You’re real and have grit and keep pushing. 

You say you don’t know how you did the 70. Maybe it’s because you have been working on living. So you deal with stuff differently, not because you “know it’s wrong to act out”. But because you now have ways you deal with life that don’t involve escape…. 

I think you’re gonna get where you need to go. I think you’re gonna make the right decisions, day at a time, and live cool.

Keep us in the loop, please. 

Rock on, 
Chaim 

Dearest friend, ASY, I'm glad to see that you keep remembering that ASY! Really, really, celebrate the 70 days in some way. Show yourself that you really appreciate the greatness of what you have accomplished! And keep us informed. We care about you and want to hear from you!

I think the term used in sa/aa is "stinkin thinkin". The counter productive rationalizing that I need the thing I'd be better off without. I still haven't gotten rid of the unfiltered device I got. And while I have had a few days clean while I've had it, I realize I need to get rid of it. I'm going to write down a list of pros and cons of having it. The issue is that the 70 days I was clean where pretty tough and miserable si vi yeshiva, dating (or lack thereof) finding a job, and all around emotional health. Nothings changed yet, but now I have a escape, a way to numb everything. I'm worried that when I get rid of the phone, I'll still be in the same situation, only without a crutch and escape. 

The toolbox, audio exercises that you can redeem with coins and connection are great alternative escape routes. Continued practice makes them more effective. Aside for the spiritual gain, they will also heal the negative emotions whereas P&M are temporary escapes that exacerbate the symptoms. Rooting for you.

ainshumyeiush wrote on 11 Mar 2024 18:07:

That is really scary and I can totally relate. Having an open conversation with someone wise (from here or not) can be helpful in understanding were that need comes from and how to replace it with a healthier crutch if needed.

Your candor and self-awareness, as always, is refreshing. 

For me, it boils down a lot of the time to figuring out what I really want. But, yeah, it’s complicated sometimes… (love the term stinkin thinkin )

Keep pushing forward, my friend.
(Why? Not sure that I could really say, except that for me it’s about life.)

Here’s a hand, 
מאן דבעי חיים

ainshumyeiush wrote on 11 Mar 2024 18:07:

I'm suffering from "stinkin' thinkin'" (Is Cordnoy the guy who made that up?) myself lately, any ideas other than griping on The Grouchery?

Is the only way forward to throw in the proverbial towel and give up? Will that help me have even stinkier thinking or does the stinkiness dissipate with time?

One other question...can a Jew truly ever escape feeling guilty?

#KOG

Can ANYONE truly ever escape feeling guilty?

How to avoid Hangover - Stay drunk
How to avoid Guilt - Stay Porned

youknowwho wrote on 18 Mar 2024 13:59:

I think that once a person did Teshuva there is nothing to feel guilty about other than acknowledging that we sinned, being responsible that we won't repeat our sins and feeling humble knowing that we sinned in the past. The Rambam has a long list of positive adjectives for a baal teshuva and that is generally how we should feel. Also, even before doing Teshuva guilt is only meant to be used for taking responsibility for our actions. Labeling ourselves as personal failures leads us to falling again and living up to that label. The way to escape feeling guilty in a healthy way is to change our behavior.