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TOPIC: This time for real 8457 Views

This time for real 15 Sep 2023 07:18 #401159

  • ainshumyeiush
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Ive been ‘signed up‘ with gye for a while now (since covid), but i haven't really used the site. Now Ive reached a place where im ready to jump in and kick this addiction for good. 
 i got the gye app and started reading, starting the f2f program and the 90 day challenge. Now im posting here. 
Ive struggled with p&m for about 6/7 years now. At first it was p when i was home and m when i was in yeshiva. I did have a smartphone for a few months in mesivta, but i got rid of it when i thought i was going to get caught. 
then i got a new (‘kosher‘) phone and found a loophole. And it was p&m daily for many years. [the loophole was literally just for p i wasn't able to access gye or anything else]
i got in touch with a partner through gye and got the loophole taken care of. For about 8 months it was only m and every time i went home i would ‘catch up‘. Then i found a new loophole and back to square one. 
now Ive been in Israel for a while and dont have that loophole, but i still desperately needed my fix. So i found a new loophole/backdoor. 
now that im getting ready to go back to america i realized what a mess Ive been making out of my life (finally see how p&m where at the root of getting kicked out of a few yeshivas, not ‘overbearing rabbis who were out to get me‘)
i got  back in touch with my partner, i spoke to my father, blocked all the loopholes/backdoors and i downloaded the gye app. Im going home for bein hazmanim soon and looking forward to the first one in years without YouTube, movies, forums and porn. 
i started talking with hashemhelpme and look forward to being part of the gye community.
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Curiosity kills the count

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/401159-This-time-for-real?limit=15&start=15#401727


feel free to get in touch
ainshumyeiush@gmail.com 
Last Edit: 21 Sep 2023 21:49 by ainshumyeiush.

Re: This time for real 15 Sep 2023 10:22 #401160

  • taherlibeinu
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Welcome aboard.. sounds like you have come to the right place! iyH the new year should bring you much Hatzlacha with this.

Re: This time for real 15 Sep 2023 13:09 #401166

  • bright
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ainshumyeiush wrote on 15 Sep 2023 07:18:
Ive been ‘signed up‘ with gye for a while now (since covid), but i haven't really used the site. Now Ive reached a place where im ready to jump in and kick this addiction for good. 
 i got the gye app and started reading, starting the f2f program and the 90 day challenge. Now im posting here. 
Ive struggled with p&m for about 6/7 years now. At first it was p when i was home and m when i was in yeshiva. I did have a smartphone for a few months in mesivta, but i got rid of it when i thought i was going to get caught. 
themthen i got a new (‘kosher‘) phone and found a loophole. And it was p&m daily for many years. [the loophole was literally just for p i wasn't able to access gye or anything else]
i hotgot instrumentalin touch with a partner through gye and got the loophole taken care of. For about 8 months it was only m and every time i went home i would ‘catch up‘. Then i found a new loophole and back to square one. 
now Ive been in Israel for a while and dont have that loophole, but i still desperately needed my fix. So i found a new loophole/backdoor. 
now that im getting ready to go back to america i realized what a mess Ive been making out of my life (finally see how p&m where at the root of getting kicked out of a few yeshivas, not overbearing rabbis who where out to get me)
i got  back in touch with my partner, i spoke to my father, blocked all the loopholes/backdoors and i downloaded the gye app. Im going home for bein hazmanim soon and looking forward to the first one in years without YouTube, movies, forums and porn. 
i started talking with hashemhelpme and look forward to being part of the gye community. 

Amazing! Your on the right track, keep posting (even if C"V there are times that arent as amazing...). May your return home be a return Home!
Nothing good grows in the dark. 

Re: This time for real 18 Sep 2023 01:57 #401186

  • chaimoigen
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Here's a warm hand, welcome. 
Stick around. The journey, while never easy, is far better when you walk the road with friends. There are good people here. 
You can do it! So many others have. Ask for Hashem's help, reach out to the good people here, keep in touch, and keep moving forward. 

Gmar Chasima Tova. Gonna be a good year, imyH  
Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Re: This time for real 18 Sep 2023 20:06 #401206

  • ainshumyeiush
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TThis is it. Bein hazmanim starts tomorrow (yes i know its early, but we‘ll leave that for other people to talk about).
my brain keeps jumping between "LETS GO!!! I CAN DO THIS!!!" and "im gonna die. No question. Who decided this was a good idea" 
why cant there be a simple cut-off-your-right-leg-at-the-knee-and-be-porn-free-forever system? Would make life much easier imho.

Seriously  speaking tho, i know this is going to be a turning point in my life. I dont know what will happen but im going in ready to fight. Ill keep posting and let you know how everything is going.
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Curiosity kills the count

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/401159-This-time-for-real?limit=15&start=15#401727


feel free to get in touch
ainshumyeiush@gmail.com 

Re: This time for real 19 Sep 2023 09:00 #401245

  • frank.lee
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Great, you can do it!!

No, the reason why we have this challenge is because Hashem knows it is good for us. Even if we don't understand. 

Plan ahead before you are in the throes of lust, before the challenge gets tough. 

Re: This time for real 21 Sep 2023 21:46 #401442

  • ainshumyeiush
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Day 8. 2nd day home. 
and now that initial enthusiasm is gone. Dont get me wrong, im not rethinking my commitment, but now im feeling that fatigue for lack of better word. Like the need for nicotine (i checked it wasn't that) or an unsettled feeling. And yes, i made sure to go do something else i.e. build the sukkah and it mostly went away. 
but i know that now this will be coming more frequently. I guess it was a gift from Hashem that the last two days were pretty easy with no triggers or urges. But now the warm-up stage is over and its fight time. 
last time i had a more significant clean streak (15 days) i fell when the urges came back again and again and i got tired of fighting and caught off guard. 
i know that the f2f program is designed to help with that, but it doesn't work so well or at all on the app on my phone. And i want to limit my use of the computer because that's already more dangerous. Its filtered but i dont know how well and id rather not find out. 
ill keep posting and just ride this out. 
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Curiosity kills the count

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/401159-This-time-for-real?limit=15&start=15#401727


feel free to get in touch
ainshumyeiush@gmail.com 

Re: This time for real 22 Sep 2023 02:04 #401458

  • eccentriccomposer
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Keep in touch with your partner and make a real plan how to avoid triggers. Feel free to read through my thread to see how i've planned ahead in the past, it might help you out. Keep in touch.

Hatzlacha!
I am not active on the forums anymore so much, but I check my email daily, please reach out to me!

Feel free to message me if you need anything, I'll try to respond as soon as I can. I hope I can help!

Email: eccentriccomposer01@gmail.com

Eccentric Trip to Freedom
Daily Dose

Re: This time for real 24 Sep 2023 02:16 #401507

  • ainshumyeiush
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Day 11.
bh still going strong. Just posting so i stay involved. Wishing everyone a gmar chasima tova and thank you for all the help. 
and to share something i realized, sometimes someone posts something on a random thread and years later someone else will read it and get chizuk. So you guys dont realize how much of an impact you can have one someone you never spoke to. 
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Curiosity kills the count

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/401159-This-time-for-real?limit=15&start=15#401727


feel free to get in touch
ainshumyeiush@gmail.com 

Re: This time for real 24 Sep 2023 03:26 #401511

  • yud909
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Following this thread and rooting for you! 

I wish I would’ve came to GYE and taken this seriously when I was at your stage of life. 

Re: This time for real 24 Sep 2023 04:04 #401519

  • bright
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ainshumyeiush wrote on 21 Sep 2023 21:46:
Day 8. 2nd day home. 
and now that initial enthusiasm is gone. Dont get me wrong, im not rethinking my commitment, but now im feeling that fatigue for lack of better word. Like the need for nicotine (i checked it wasn't that) or an unsettled feeling. And yes, i made sure to go do something else i.e. build the sukkah and it mostly went away. 
but i know that now this will be coming more frequently. I guess it was a gift from Hashem that the last two days were pretty easy with no triggers or urges. But now the warm-up stage is over and its fight time. 
last time i had a more significant clean streak (15 days) i fell when the urges came back again and again and i got tired of fighting and caught off guard. 
i know that the f2f program is designed to help with that, but it doesn't work so well or at all on the app on my phone. And i want to limit my use of the computer because that's already more dangerous. Its filtered but i dont know how well and id rather not find out. 
ill keep posting and just ride this out. 

Did you try an accountability system?
Nothing good grows in the dark. 

Re: This time for real 24 Sep 2023 15:04 #401553

  • ainshumyeiush
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Yup bh i have some people im in touch with. 
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Curiosity kills the count

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/401159-This-time-for-real?limit=15&start=15#401727


feel free to get in touch
ainshumyeiush@gmail.com 

Re: This time for real 24 Sep 2023 15:12 #401554

  • ainshumyeiush
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yud909 wrote:
Following this thread and rooting for you! 

I wish I would’ve came to GYE and taken this seriously when I was at your stage of life. 

thanks for the support and the reminder to take care of this before it becomes more than just my personal problem
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Curiosity kills the count

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/401159-This-time-for-real?limit=15&start=15#401727


feel free to get in touch
ainshumyeiush@gmail.com 

Re: This time for real 26 Sep 2023 17:11 #401581

  • ainshumyeiush
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Day 14
I'm sure we've all seen those articles/shiurim/stickers/spray-paint-on-on-the-side-of-highway about gedolim saying that there's an issur yichud with unfiltered technology. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought "very cute, they're just trying to scare us into not using email or shopping online". 
But then I saw a few posts here (sorry i don't remember who wrote them so i cant give a shoutout) about people who actually act like that. So i figured that it sounds like a good idea, I mean, if I'm struggling with internet use why not distance myself a bit more? But i wasn't thinking that it would make much of a difference. 
However, last night I was feeling 'triggered-lite' and i needed to order some shoes online. And look up a phone number. And check kashrus on a certain beer. And look up a certain stores hours. And etc etc etc... and i would've done all that, and then probably would've ended up going from one thing to the next and ruining my streak. But then I remembered my 'issur yichud' and that no-one else was up. So now i can proudly update my streak instead of resetting the count. (turns out that I didn't die from not taking care off all that last night)
I'm sure if you've been here a bit then this isn't a chiddush for you but if you're new here, give it some thought.
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Curiosity kills the count

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/401159-This-time-for-real?limit=15&start=15#401727


feel free to get in touch
ainshumyeiush@gmail.com 
Last Edit: 26 Sep 2023 18:26 by ainshumyeiush.

Re: This time for real 26 Sep 2023 19:06 #401588

  • grant400
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ainshumyeiush wrote on 26 Sep 2023 17:11:
Day 14
I'm sure we've all seen those articles/shiurim/stickers/spray-paint-on-on-the-side-of-highway about gedolim saying that there's an issur yichud with unfiltered technology. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought "very cute, they're just trying to scare us into not using email or shopping online". 
But then I saw a few posts here (sorry i don't remember who wrote them so i cant give a shoutout) about people who actually act like that. So i figured that it sounds like a good idea, I mean, if I'm struggling with internet use why not distance myself a bit more? But i wasn't thinking that it would make much of a difference. 
However, last night I was feeling 'triggered-lite' and i needed to order some shoes online. And look up a phone number. And check kashrus on a certain beer. And look up a certain stores hours. And etc etc etc... and i would've done all that, and then probably would've ended up going from one thing to the next and ruining my streak. But then I remembered my 'issur yichud' and that no-one else was up. So now i can proudly update my streak instead of resetting the count. (turns out that I didn't die from not taking care off all that last night)
I'm sure if you've been here a bit then this isn't a chiddush for you but if you're new here, give it some thought.

New or not, give it some thought. I'm not new, and I'll be giving it thought! 

Your commitment is impressive, the fact that you are being so proactive and understanding that most times it's the situations we allow ourselves to be in that lead to our falls - is even more impressive.

Keep updating!
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