i stand, looking out over the valley of lust. the cool, clear river runs through, shaded by beautiful flora. the river gurgles ever so softly, offering sweet bliss and promising relief for my aching self. The flower growing along the bank offer intoxicating scents. It seems like another world. It seems so inviting.Yet I know, from past experiences, and from those much wiser than myself, that it would be self destructive to enter this place. The river runs deep and swift, and carries off all who venture in. The flowers abound with thorns that will cut to the bone. And sinister creatures stalk the undergrowth, unseen until it's too late. I know I must turn away, and I do, but it's with a heavy heart, knowing that only misfortune will come from going there.

Beautiful!!

And beware the inferi, who lurk beneath the surface, waiting for you to take a drink…

ainshumyeiush wrote on 03 Dec 2023 07:48:


Oy. Once your back is turned on that river, my friend, please try this.
Pause, to examine the heaviness in your heart.
And stop and ask yourself to remember where is it that you have found light and joy.
Try to find hopefulness, positivity and ratzon in this path of positivity. Offence works better than defence. If you can muster it up.
Realizing that clear, bright skies, fresh air, and broad vistas await on the top can help with the trudging on the steep, uphill path. 
But, yeah, it's not always so easy....

Here's a warm hand,
Chaim

      

ainshumyeiush wrote on 03 Dec 2023 07:48:

First of all, here's a good hug. My Friend, you write truth as it is. Yes, it's very inviting. Yes, there is enjoyment there. Plenty. Only it's poison for us. And while I totally get the heaviness in your heart, as you keep contemplating the truth of your words, the inherent danger and poison of all that is that valley, you will gain more and more piece of mind with the fact that you turn your back on it. 
Keep up the amazing work! We are so glad you are here with us!

It's been a little while since I've posted on my thread. I guess I'm in that stretch of time where it's small steps. Getting used to staying away and learning to not get into challenging situations. I'm going to try and visualize how I'm going to react when I find myself in a nisayon.

Anyone have akiva tatzs email?

info@akivatatz.com

ainshumyeiush wrote on 05 Dec 2023 19:25:

Thanks for posting - been thinking about you!!!
This is a chidush - a monster truck taking small steps - I like it!
KOMTISS!!!

Freilichen Chanuka! Speakin’ of visualization of small steps- we go like Beis Hillel. Mosif Viholeich! 
We start with on small candle in the night, warm, serene and solitary. Then comes another. Keep lighting the flames. 

And if they get blown out - Ain Zakuk Lah - just keep going on. 

Rabbim Biyad Miatim. KOMT!!! 

your friend, 
Chaim

some thoughts for chanukkah, somewhat based on something my rebbi said. mishlie 16:32 tov erech apayim migibor, u'moshel yitzro miloked eir. roughly translated as, its better to remain calm than be a strong warrior, and more praise worthy to overcome your nature than capture a city. i think the gemora brings alexander the great as an example, he captured the whole old world, but couldn't overcome his character defects. the main miracle of chanukkah was the fact that a small group was able to overcome the mighty greek empire. the nes of the oil was an extra 'hug' from hashem to show his love of them. we here are all fighting to perfect ourselves. based on the passuk from shelomo hamelech, we are essentially better than if we would try to fight the greek empire ourselves, although it may seem less glorious to us. mesirat nefesh means going outside of our comfort zone, but not too much that it wont last. it means being moser - giving up, from our nefesh - our selves/tendency. and when we do that, then we can start to see the oil burning extra, the extra siyata dishimaya in our lives. to end off with a matisyahu quote (sorry), “i will crush my fantasies, bringing oil oil crushed for His Majesty“ wishing everyone a good shabbos and happy chanukkah

First clean off-shabbos in years!!!

ainshumyeiush wrote on 10 Dec 2023 22:45:

Terrific!! This is the result of your real, incremental work and genuine growth! 
Beautiful!!

Wow! That must be such an amazing feeling! You must be so proud of that accomplishment.

Off Shabbosim for me were always so painful... especially when I had gone a few weeks in Yeshiva with no falling, and then splat! I always felt like I lost it all when the off Shabbos came around. If you can stay clean an entire Shabbos that's tremendous.

Take that chizzuk and bring it back with you to the zman! Use it to continue growing and inspiring us all!

Some thoughts, this first part is something i my rosh yeshiva told me. We find in hallel the terms "bais yisrael" "bais Aharon" and "yiray hashem". Meaning all three groups will praise Hashem, each group on its own. But if we are talking about "yiray Hashem" as a collective, why doesn't it say "bais yiray Hashem"? My rosh yeshiva answered that "bais" - house - is something you are in by default. You are part of your family because you where born into it. A kohen is part of bais Aron because he was born as a kohen. We are all part of bais yisrael because we were born Jewish. But there's no family of yiray Hashem. Nobody gets automatic entry. And when we look at yiray Hashem, we see them as individuals, because everyone has their own unique path and struggles that brings them to be counted as yiray Hashem.
 this second thought is from a podcast i was listening too that really resonated with me. If you where trying to teach someone to stay calm, and become a calm person, where would you put him? On a beautiful island with every need taken care of? Or would you put him in rush hour traffic, late for something, getting angry calls from his boss? He might be calm on the beach, but that wont help him learn to stay calm in every situation that comes up. And he probably will get mad a few times, but he has the opportunity to work on himself. The  same goes for us, yosef hatzadik is the paradigm of kedusha, because he was put in those circumstances, we don't use a blind-from-birth hermit living in a cave as the example of shmiras einayim.

ainshumyeiush wrote on 13 Dec 2023 16:50:

Good vort. To add, if I may. Yirei Hashem is also the only group that is differentiated into levels: haktanim im hagedolim. 
If you're on the path you're in that exclusive club, even if you're much lower than other people in the club.