bright wrote on 20 Aug 2023 03:16:

I think the Appendix I mentioned would be good to help realize that the attitude isn't healthy or right, and will help replace it with a more healthy, productive, and right attitude

Mrsman wrote on 18 Aug 2023 23:19:

Thanks for sharing, but you gotta realize the attitude aint healthy or right for that matter. 

Thank you for the thoughtful and honest post.



I personally don't think we can play G-d and say it was middah kineged midah that you happen to have problems in that area of your body. Only Hashem can know that. Don't beat yourself up too much about that - it can cause guilt which will only repeat the problem. Be proud that you had the courage to tell everyone your story and that you're really trying to overcome this.



Wishing you much Hatzalacha!

Thank you.  This was good to hear.

I read the following (originally in the context of alcoholism) and it seems really meaningful.

"The fact is that most [sex addicts], for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in [behavior]. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent.We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.We are without defense against the first [sexual acting out behavior].

"The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a [little sexual acting out] do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove."

Any comments?

I am really sorry for the anguish you feel. If it makes you feel any better, I myself experienced something similar. Probably due to MB excessively my urine was orangish. I freaked out understandably and told my dr. what was going on. He didn't shame me and it went away after a few days.
You sound like an erlicha Yid. If you are open about these things you might want to discuss it with your rov. I strongly expect him to say we can't know what causes Hashem to give us medical problems. Enlarged prostate is quit common and most people when they hit high 40s low 50s need to start running to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I have experienced pain when MBing. I'm not saying this solvs your problem but it does say your not alone.
I wish you menuchas hanefesh and may we both walk in sobriety.