Felling your pain,  friend. 

The Yetzer has many traps and tools at his disposal, he’s an ancient and experienced adversary. One of his trick is “All or nothing thinking”.  “I hate myself and if I do t change I’ll die”. Hashem is in charge of when we die. The Yetzer wants you to throw up your hands and say that you can’t live with yourself. Because then you won’t change. 

We are each infected with an inclination to physicality, lust, etc. But we can learn to create space between urge and action, between desire and compulsion. Between feelings and self-identity. (May I recommend that you read some threads here. Try Vehkam’s thread. Maybe “Some Stuff” here in the introduce yourself section. You’ll see how incremental internal changes can work.

Your need to change is admirable and special. But you need to harness it by channeling it into productive channels. All or nothing usually doesn’t work. Give yourself a break! It’s gonna take some time. You can’t make a tree grow overnight by watering it with a million gallons. 

DavidT and others here can probably guide you to be able to hook up with a mentor or group. 

The Sun is rising. It’s going to be a beautiful day, but it takes a while until the sky gets bright, blue, and clear. It shall be, with Hashem’s help. And slow hard work, day by day. That’s why Hashem gives us the great gift a long lifetime- because it takes a while. 

Hang tight, brother. 

chaimoigen wrote on 03 Aug 2023 14:24:

It's a real eye-opener. It's called Work in Progress, in the section On the Way to 90 Days. Currently in the second tab there.

Jeff098 wrote on 03 Aug 2023 12:36:

Always have desires ? Probably.
Always want to act out on those desires ? The goal is NO
And its an attainable goal

Hi all,

day three is almost complete. today was a bit challenging. I don't know if this is considered a fall or a success, id love to hear your feedback. 

all my devices are filterd. there's one device that is In my house that's not filtered Bec it doesn't belong to me. I had desires and started looking at P. after a couple of minutes I stopped and put the device down.

For me this is a huge thing, to start watching and stop put it down and walk away. I can't remember ever doing that. 

I believe what caused me to put it down is Bec I promised to send an update daily and I would be so ashamed and embarrassed to write about my failure....

especially since hundreds have read this thread, how can I fail and let everyone down?? how can I let myself down?? my future?? My dreams??

im gonna fight like hell!!!!

im 23 and not getting any younger!!! its a bout time I take control of my life and steer it the way I want!!!!!

Jeff098 wrote on 03 Aug 2023 22:48:

I think its irrelevant  if its considered a fall or a success, at the end of the day its all just a number and the only  day that counts is today.
However what is relevant  is, that  YOU ARE A SUCCESS !!   An amazing success .
You accomplished something that you never have before - & by doing that you showed yourself that you are in control.
You're in the drivers seat with no-one but yourself setting the destination.

You can do this . You already have
Keep on posting.
Hatzlocha!!!

Hi all,

​I fell last night... M three times.... 

im starting again, will strengthen myself this shabbos.

​good shabbos everyone!!

Git Voch,

Sorry to hear about your fall. How was shabbos?

git vouch!

​shabbos was great I didnt focus on my fall, I took the time to reflect on my week and think of what I can improve on

Hi all,

hope you had a great shabbos!

wishing everyone a successful week!

Jeff098 wrote on 06 Aug 2023 03:36:

Like it!

Keep it up,

Hi all,


​I M twice last night... I don't know what to do...

Are you going through the flight to freedom program? Also, do you have a list of cues and solutions from the toolbox that you believe will work for each cue? I have a such a list that I printed. I review it twice a week so I remember them and I make adjustments to the list every week as I learn better what does and doesn't work for me. This idea is from the F2F program but I don't know whether you already reached that part of the course. There is much more to post that this and I am leaving it for other GYE members but I am asking these questions because they are some of the steps in recovery.

yitzchokm wrote on 06 Aug 2023 15:13:

Good for you! You gotta put in the work!

Jeff098 wrote on 06 Aug 2023 14:56:

Sorry to hear about your continued falls. It might be time to think about the idea that we (alone) are powerless against lust and there is no way we can stop it, just like there is no way a diabetic can cure their illness.

Powerless doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. Powerless is referring to the disease and not to the person's ability to help themselves.

The most important step in getting out of this mess is to get out of isolation. As long as we remain in isolation, we will find ourselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. We may try to break free 100 times, but as Chazal say, "a prisoner can't release himself from prison". The Pasuk (Mishlei 28;13) says, "Mechaseh P'sha'av lo Yatzliach - He who hides his sins will not succeed" ... "Modeh V'ozev" - those who admit their powerlessness and reach out for help, "Yeruchem - will see mercy".

Jeff098 wrote on 06 Aug 2023 14:56:

Methinks you know what to do.Whatever you decide to do is what you know to do.
Do you want to masturbate another two times?
Do you want to call one of the guys here and have a chat which can be really helpful?
Do you want to reach out to your therapist, if you have/need one?Whatever you decide to do is what you are going to do, and nobody else is going to do it for you - we can watch on the sidelines and cheer you on!