Hey Buddy!

No disappointment whatsoever. You were put in an impossible situation, as we've seen the last few days. This not failure... the time you stayed above the stormy waves weakened the YH tremendously!

You didn't drown... otherwise you wouldn't still be here... you just missed that wave! You're still here, alive and fighting the fight. 

Your a true inspiration for having the will and perseverance to stand up strong again, to rise from the ashes and begin anew! There is no mitzvah of sefira here, it's not about the number... It's all about the times we conquer that hunchbacked witch disguised as some super-model! And about standing up again to fight the battle!!!!

#KeepOnFighting!

P.S. A kugel is always appreciated 

yiftach wrote on 04 Jan 2024 13:34:

Thank you so so much for your encouraging words!

I wish I could call the model I saw a witch, maybe one day, for now I still miss her 

The kugel is for you and your wife not for the kiddush 

true_self wrote on 04 Jan 2024 13:55:

Those must have been real heavy potatoes

How are you thanking your wife for her tolerance and acceptance?

true_self wrote on 04 Jan 2024 13:55:

My dear friend-
I am going to call out on your language here. Come on- let’s call it what it is- a picture on a screen is not a “her”, it is an “it”. You don’t “miss her”. You don’t know her, nor do you want to know her. You don’t want a connection with her. What you feel towards that picture is a very base feeling. 

Perhaps you miss the feeling that it gives you when you see that picture. Perhaps you still feel the pull of lust towards that picture, and you’re being honest about that. It’s good to be honest. It’s ok to feel that pull (not to act on it, though). But please don’t call what you feel “missing her”. 

Have a great Shabbos. Cherish your special wife, and your special Neshoma. 

Perhaps think about what you are going to do to make sure that she doesn’t have to go through that wrenching experience again. It probably wasn’t easier for her than it was for you….

Hashem Help Me wrote on 05 Jan 2024 01:40:

Who said I'm thanking her? I wanted to tell her to go out again so I can watch more but I wasn't such a jerk, I did tell her 'thanks for reacting the way you did and accepting me the way I am, it's nothing personal about you, just my sickness' but those were only words.

I find it difficult to treat her the right way when it makes me feel guilty for my bad habits.

chaimoigen wrote on 05 Jan 2024 06:45:

That's true! Thanks for making me realize the truth.

So far I'm not doing a great job treating my wife see below 

true_self wrote on 05 Jan 2024 10:34:

Oy. And how do you treat yourself when you are feeling guilty? 
Im feeling your pain. 
Give yourself a dose of Rachamanus. I’ll explain.

I like to talk about the difference between guilt and regret. Guilt usually isn’t productive. “I am terrible, and failure, etc” are negative feelings and cognitions that usually don’t help a person. Hopelessness is a terrible poison. 

Regret , on the other hand, is a positive (though painful) emotion. It doesn’t accept the mistakes as being ok. But the feeling of regret stems from the hope of a better tomorrow. From the unsullied Neshoma that hasn’t despaired of finding a way out. It empowers a person to change. 

There are always choices, better pathways to find, different Steps to take,  if your eyes are raised up to find them, not darkened with guilt. 

Here is a warm hand, and a Shabbos hug. 
Gut Shabbos, 
מאן דבעי חיים

chaimoigen wrote on 05 Jan 2024 11:22:

The guilt is for the pain I'm causing her to go through.

true_self wrote on 05 Jan 2024 10:34:

Oy oy oy…. the President making a powerful point, that I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even think of.

Our wives are human beings with challenges and struggle just like us. Yet when we open the draw and find no socks, we’re like hey what’s that girl doing all day?? She didn’t have time to fold laundry…?? But when it comes to our challenges, we expect our wives to accept us, why is that? I can’t say the following about others but I am an idiot! I’m sorry… How many times have I looked at inappropriate pics and then expected my wife to ‘accept’ me? And by the way I didn’t give a good example because our wives don’t have a challenge of not folding our socks, they simple didn’t get to it because they were busy with a hundred other things happening.

I’m sorry for my rant, I’m just in an emotional mood now and it really hurts me that your wife caught you red-handed. As we know from what you have mentioned here and on the BB forum, you have so much, so much to be grateful. You have some things that a good friend of yours doesn’t have and he’s therefore asking you from the deepest and most caring part of his heart (I’m actually in tears now) to please stay away from anything that can pull you down. Put up as many gates possible, choke yourself, I don’t care, but please make sure this doesn’t happen again.

You’re a wonderful person, a growing Jew, a loving husband, a loving father,

Your wife is a wonderful person, a loving wife, a giving wife,

I get it, life is challenging but we gotta stand up to the challenge and say ‘not with me!’ We won’t let the YH ruin us. We won’t let the YH ruin our wives. We wont the YH ruin our relationships. We are the head of our households with Gashmeius and Ruchneius our responsibility. We need so many zechusim for our kids to grow up erlicha yidden, please lets be m’chazik ourselves.

Heeling,

The rock bottom can already be seen 

If I don't take responsibility now it might be too late quite soon.

Alas, I'm still not willing to admit that I'm powerless, I just can't let go...

Can't continue focusing only on myself all day long.

I scrolled back to the beginning of my thread and had some laughs of that guy who opened it

The attachment below is from my first post.

Seriously! Who was I fooling????? lol! (Now I'm maybe starting get a glimpse of what my 'true self' looks like)

And thanks for all the thank you's, should I make a raffle?

In any case, from reading some of my earlier posts I see that I grew a lot since bH.

Onwards!

true_self wrote on 07 Dec 2023 22:24:

Hallel today didn't have much juice either, but Mizmor shir chanukas habayis... did.

true_self wrote on 22 Nov 2023 21:40:

Mornings are getting filled, starting with a new chavrusa in the mornings, will learn Chovos Halevavos for 15 mins beH.

Also started to stay in BM after shachris it feels really good after leaning almost nothing the past few month (years), I finally feel a shtikel 'will' to learn!

With a lot of prayers I'm optimistic of getting another chavrusa for 2 hours in the morning too.

#OSAAT

Dunno why I'm posting all this, maybe I just wanna get to 500 posts, or because my wife is out and Shabbos is in 8 days?!