Keep strong my friend, you're worth it!

In a way this is my favorite kind of post, because often, once we feel alone and "safe" to act out, the battle is half lost already. The fact that you are reaching out preemptively is wonderful! Or someone may feel like they are already past that and not in danger anymore. You are acting smart, planning ahead, reaching out to friends. We are all behind you! Keep us posted!

Wow. Amazing! I'm blown away. My friend, in a pinch having a friend to text or call makes all the difference

Well, I am sorry to say that I fell yesterday. I was doing good; I made it through most of the day, and when I was tired and my work was over for the day, the Yetzer saw an opening. Without going into details, my wife's unfiltered computer was the vehicle that I used...

I want to say a few quick things...

1. Having you guys support me made it much better and kept me going longer than I would have.
2. I learned a few things that should help me in the future.
   a. Keep a long to-do list for the day
   b. Keep posting to you guys
   c. Exercise, If I had just gone outside and taken a walk at the end of my work day, I would have killed the time until my wife came home, and it would have cleared my mind and been good for my body.
   d. I need to strengthen the friction between myself and the smut. It might have given me a few moments to reconsider what I was about to do if it had taken a little more effort.

So while yesterday didn't go as planned, I learned a few things and feel better prepared for next time. I will not get down on myself and throw in the towel and say trying is useless.

Thank all of you who reached out, and please continue to reach out. I promise to keep reaching out to you. I can't do this alone. 

In addition, maybe some brutal clarity as to why you want to stop may be beneficial.

Wow! Great lessons and very courageous of coming out to write that you fell.

I'm sorry to hear about your fall, and glad to hear that you had the strength to contain yourself until after you finished work, every second you restrained yourself and did not surrender to your YH brought tremendous nachas ruach for Hashem.

Hopefully this is a ירידה לצורך עליה and remember that שבע יפול צדיק וקם, the fact that we fall again and again, and get back up and don't surrender makes us tzaddikim.

You are an inspiration for me personally and for all of us here, please keep us posted and continue to inspire us all
Many thanks
Trie self

Hashem Help Me wrote on 07 Jun 2023 10:50:



We can attempt to run away, but we need somewhere to run to.

I think that I am clear on the "Why"...

I want to quit because that is what HaShem wants of me
I want to quit so that I can focus on other things in life that are much more important
I want to have a better relationship with my wife and not think of her as a sexual object and someone to love and cherish
I want to keep the YH at bay as best I can to do what HaShem wants me to do in this world.

I would think that my "whys" are shared amongst many in this forum, I am sure that others have more specific reasons, but I don't think my reasons are timid or unclear...

The following comments are not criticism of you, just my reaction. Please do not be offended. Look at it as a soft sledgehammer blow....

All of those reasons are valid and true, but they all have a tinge of self-centeredness. Even number 3 is about you and the gain you will have with the relationship when iyh you get clean. Shouldn't reason number one be - I do not want to cruelly hurt my wife? How dare i hurt her?! Every time i watch pornography i am cheating on my wife. That is how the vast majority of women view pornography watching - as being cheated on. I think this realization gives tremendous urgency to do what needs to be done fast.

Don't feel bad, the typical guy gives all the same answers you did and leaves this point out. In essence it's all about him and his avoda or his feeling good about himself. Most guys do not realize or believe how women react upon discovering this betrayal. I am sure many really nice guys reading this think i am exaggerating. I am not. I have spoken with numerous wives and met with couples. I am not being dramatic when i say the trauma i have witnessed is beyond description.

Grant400 wrote on 07 Jun 2023 17:05:

I am feeling along with you, and I am impressed by your honesty and your will to learn from what happened and keep on moving forwards.

I would like to try to add a small point. I think it's a clarification of what Grant is telling you.

It's not always enough to know what you don't want to be anymore. It is crucial to have a vision in front of your eyes of the positive place that you are working toward. The new "me" that you want to be more. Practically - working towards wanting and feeling and tasting the way you know will feel great after making it through the whole day clean. Knowing deeply why you feel that being clean will give you overall more satisfaction and pleasure than falling, this is a way to harness the other tools that have been mentioned. Gotta find your own reasons and ways to visualize the positive place you're going towards, the person you are becoming... You can do it!!!

An illustration that worked for me in another aspect of real life - It's wasn't enough for me to know I wanted to stop smoking. Tried many times unsuccessfully to stop, based on all the good reasons not to smoke. But one day I decided I wanted to be an non-smoker more, decided I wanted all the postives of the lifestyle - not craving all the time, not smelling like an ashtray, etc.  Then I was able to do it. 
And I applied what I learned from that experience to my struggles in these areas as well, with sucess BH....

Chazak ViAmatz! 

chaimoigen wrote on 08 Jun 2023 12:16:

Exactly. Offense not defense.

Beautiful Chaimoigen. Thank you!

Had a great day yesterday. Steered clear of a few situations that may have been problematic in the past. I spent extra time Davening, took my time and cherished every word, and kept my mind in the right place... Let's do it again today!

I’m rooting for you. You’re an inspiration to me! It’s nice seeing that one can really connect in a real and intimate way to HKB”H

Jus't read through this thread. Incredible. @fightingthefight uv'e just got urself another follower!! 

Looking forward to your future posts,
Excellnce

fightingthefight wrote on 15 Jun 2023 10:39:

Beautiful! You touched my heart with this