I am new here and it was recommended that I start a new thread. I am not much of a talker (or in this case writer) but my problem is P and M... Has been for decades. I am happily married, wife has no idea of the problem and I just have to break free from all kinds of internet smut. P and M is only part of it. It is YouTube, Instagram, Tik Tok.... If I could rid myself of my smartphone, I think about 75% of my problems would disappear. I have tried many times to get rid of it, but my lifestyle and job almost require it. I know that it can be done, I just have not found a way... 

I am pretty tech savvy and find it hard to install a filter that I could not get around easily. The answer is a Kosher Flip phone... I would love to hear from people struggling or succeeding in fighting this addiction. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi and Welcome!
You made a huge leap in joining GYE, where lots and lots of people like you were able to grow and heal themselves. 
There are a lot of tools that you can utilize, I recommend starting with the Flight to Freedom program which is a revolutionary program based on he latest scientific knowledge on how to kick an addiction like this. 
You can also read lots of great threads from all kinds of people. 

For now, you can start by sharing a bit more, when did this start? Do you have any type of filters right now? 
What are your motivations to stop? for most of us its our religion+ marriage+ not wanting to be addicted...... 

I joing GYE 3 years ago, and Thank Hashem that Ive been clean from P and M for close to a full year! Never since I was 9 y/o was i able to do this! 
Yes, I had to give up a lot of things incrementally, but by far the biggest jump happened when I gave up my Smartphone! Once you realize that you dont have something on your person all day that can lead you to feed your addiction, it becomes much easier to distance yourself from it.
By now I would never willingly go back to using a smartphone.
All of my other devices have very strict filters plus web monitoring. It took time but it gets easier with time. 
You learn how to live a fulfilling life without these distractions and addictions. You get to chose what you want to do, not your addiction!

Good luck and please keep us posted....

fightingthefight wrote on 11 May 2023 16:17:

Welcome! 
You're on the right track just by reaching out and starting the conversation here!
Every small thing we do to go in the right direction is enormous. הבא להיטהר מסייעין אותו

If I may suggest, maybe start by getting a kosher flip phone and a filtered tablet. Just by not having the smartphone with you at all times and all places is already a big step in the right direction... 

Welcome to the club, you are one of us!

I’m not sure why you need to go to extremes, a smart phone is extremely easy to filter.

Is that truly going to solve your problem? Only you will know as you progress!

Hi and welcome. We are all in this together and we are here for you! Feel free to reach out and connect with the guys here.
There have already been some very good suggestions here with regard to how you can limit your internet access, but I'd like to add one more. I have a kosher smartphone. What this means is that instead of a filter, the browsing capabilities have been completly removed. You can still have whatever apps you need such as email, waze, banking, weather, etc. I have found this very helpful and maybe it could work for you. I wish you all the best and keep posting. 

Where can you buy a Kosher Smartphone? That sounds like it might be perfect for me

I am all for trying to filter, but I would think that anything that I put on the phone could be taken off?? Forgive me if that is totally wrong. 

The simple reason is that HaShem doesn't want me to do it. I also want a better relationship with my wife, and I do not like being addicted to anything, especially as filthy as P+M... I would love to hear about your journey away from your smartphone. Did you just stop or did you wean yourself off? 

​I have been involved in P+M since about 12.. long before the internet was invented! I have so much I want to do in my life and this takes away so much of the joy in life. I must beat this!!!

Congrats on a clean year... something I can't even comprehend at this point!

fightingthefight wrote on 11 May 2023 17:49:

planetcellny.com/products/business-browser-free-phone 

fightingthefight wrote on 11 May 2023 16:17:

Great to hear from you!

You might want to try thinking about your last three falls:
--What led up to them or caused them?
--What way did you fall, and what did you use to fall (if it was a device, etc.)?
--And is there any lesson you can learn from them to prevent them or to safeguard yourself? Or to be prepared before you are in a similar situation so you will be on guard and not asleep to the challenge that might come.
These are some things to think about. (No need to post your answers if you are not comfortable or if they might be triggering to others. But if you post the lessons you learned, others might be able to learn something from them as well.)

Also, to keep your motivation up it's a good idea to read from something motivating every day. I highly recommend The Battle of the Generation. It's a real game-changer. See the link below in my signature.

Welcome, my friend! As you have probably realized in the short time since you joined this amazing family, the fact that you have brothers here is game-changing! Having people with you in your struggle makes a world of a difference. Stick around, connect to the guys, there's a lot to learn on the site and there's a lot to learn from the great people here. So get trucking! 

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. This is the first time that I ever told ANYONE about this problem. It is still strange to me that I am starting to share this with total strangers when I have no one in my life that I felt comfortable enough to share with. I feel so blessed that HaShem led me to this website. I was not searching for a solution to my problem, I just stumbled upon this and when I saw that it was a Jewish site AND somewhere to address this problem, I knew I found something special.

I have so much bottled up in me that I want to just unload and write a novel, but I will restrain myself for now and just read and learn. This problem didn’t start in a day and it won’t be solved in a day.

I learned my first lesson yesterday. I read something that “triggered” me and it led to a “fall”… So this is day one on the way to infinity (I hope) but first goal is 90 days as that seems to be an important benchmark around here.

Welcome! Looking forward to following your journey and watching you grow.

fightingthefight wrote on 12 May 2023 10:07:

I know just what you mean, my friend. In my first post I lamented the fact that I'll never be able to speak to people about this, but little did I realize that posting was the first step, the first release of years of bottled up secrets, that made it possible for me to make real change through speaking with people. 
And yes, not everything written here is good for everyone to read. This place is beautiful, but there are people in all different stages of recovery, from all different places of where they struggled, and not everything is a good idea for everyone to read. So, proceed with some caution:)
Like Grant, I'm looking forward to watching your journey unfold. Keep trucking!

First of all welcome to the club! Like you this is something that I have struggled with for decades. I first joined back in February and started with the greatest intentions and went clean for 9 days. On day 10 I found an old smartphone and that was my downfall. BH thanks to the great chevra here I was inspired to immediately get rid of it and I have since been on a 76 day streak. 
If I could rid myself of my smartphone, I think about 75% of my problems would disappear. I suspect that the percentage is actually higher than that. If you don't address the smartphone the chances of long term success are close to 0%.  It comes with you everywhere and is very easy to hide. If you cannot go the route of the kosher smartphone, start by going to TAG and have them put on a filter that you cannot uninstall by yourself. 

The level of yiush and despair that I went through all of those years not being able to share with anyone because it was just too mortifying was a weight that was absolutely crushing. Getting on GYE and posting about my struggles and realizing that I was not alone was a tremendous chizzuk. Being able to follow-up and share the successes and maybe more importantly the temporary slips just enhances that chizzuk exponentially!
I am looking forward to reading about your ongoing success. I would be thrilled to see another amazing story about someone who despite struggling with this for many years was able to overcome and find a new lease on life. 
Please feel free to PM me if you want to discuss.