fightingthefight wrote on 11 May 2023 17:56:

I weaned off, I had a smartphone before everyone else, I loved it! But I saw what its costing me, First I got rid of most Apps that were not important to me, so I didnt need to use it as much, and then I got an iPad so I didnt see a reason anymore to keep on pushing it off and i took the plunge it was very hard and its still inconvenient but its worth it and I would never go back! Forget about the filth and other bad stuff, just think about being a normal human being with human interactions, sit by any party and see what everyone with a smartphone does.... there is no one to talk to! its insane!


For this part, you will need to dig deeper, why is this addiction taking you away from other things? Usually this is used as a distraction or pacifier for hard emotions or other pain, you should look into yourself and find out what you are trying to run away, because just by quitting this, you will not heal the old baggage, im being brutally honest because I care.


Regarding a filter, if  you get a really good one, its not so easy to remove if you are not a real tech nerd...... I suggest starting there, dont jump before you can swim.......

Good luck and maybe you can enlighten us with some parts of your book.....  rather your real life story than a novel...

Beginning Day 5, 4 days clean.. Has not been much of a problem yet. I have been very motivated, but I know the motivation wears off and I will get back to the daily grind and I imagine that is when it will get tough. I have starting taking a few steps to help me. I have started “dumbing down” my iPhone, removing apps and some triggers. I am limiting my time online for everything. I have a “work computer” that is monitored and checked by my company. I can’t look at porn on that one, but as we well know, there are plenty of triggers on the regular internet.

I am checking in daily on here and reading many posts. I am going to start the six-week course hopefully today. 

I had a funny feeling just after I posted that the first 4 days were easy…. Just a few hours after I wrote this, I went onto YouTube for a normal work issue and came across a video that was triggering to say the least… Within 15 minutes, I had a fall. One image! That is all it took.. I guess that I have a lot to learn! While starting over on day 1 stinks, I want to focus on the 4 days that I was clean. It has been a long time since I had 4 days in a row clean.

Today, I want to dumb down my phone even more, be even more careful with the apps I allow. I turned my screen to greyscale to make it even less appealing. I am thinking about selling my current iPhone and buying an older model. I could use the money and make my iPhone even more of just a tool for communication and less of a potential weapon against me. The ultimate goal is still to get rid of it, but I am taking steps in the right direction for the first time.

Sound awesome! 
Keep on going!
Seeing your post encourages me & gives me inspiration, I also get nucshal many times on YouTube & lately I started working really hard to control myself on YouTube & to get on to it only when its really necessary or in the presents of others.

It's not easy, it's a constant struggle, & a lot inspiration & motivation is needed to keep on going, by sharing your journey you're not just helping yourself, please have this in mind.

Thanks for sharing & keep on #fightingthefight!

All the best
True self

fightingthefight wrote on 17 May 2023 09:51:

I hate to be the voice of harsh reality, but here it is.

You are definitely here for the right reasons, so please internalize what I'm saying and don't feel slighted. I'm attempting to help you reach the very goal you strive for.

Until you stop blaming your devices and filters, nothing will change. No matter how much you dumb down your phone, if you are the same - you will continue to fall.

Filters are vital, not having access is key, but ultimately it's you, the person who needs to change, not everything else.

Let's do this together.

First off... THANK YOU!! I appreciate every word and am very thankful for you and others who have taken a moment to encourage me and to support me. I am a rookie at this and need all the help that I can get. 

Having said that, I know the device is not to blame. I, alone am responsible for my actions. The device just makes it easy and filters can surely help. I will try filters, but have to make sure that I can do my job and have access to what I need to have for my job. Taking yesterday as an example. I needed to go onto Youtube for something, If I had a filter that prevented me from going onto YouTube that would have been a problem.

The dumbing down of my phone adds a little friction between me and the filth that I am trying to avoid, but I know that isn't the long term answer. My work and private life has been online for a very long time, and transitioning away from it as much as possible will take time and effort, but I know that the change that I'm seeking is inside of me and like you said "It's me, the person who needs to change" I am in no way making excuses.. this is 100% all on me!!

fightingthefight wrote on 17 May 2023 15:10:

Thank you for being receptive.

Just to clarify, I'm not blaming you for making excuses, I'm just pointing out where your focus must be to implement real changes.

@fightingthefight Keep it up!! Sounds like you have lots of energy to fightingthefight. Its amazing that you are able to post after a fall and pick yourself up.

Grant400 making a very strong point and you took i like a man.

Stay strong,

Logistical problem that maybe someone may have an idea. During the regular work day things are not so bad. I am busy and usually have people around me. The problem arises towards the end of the day and most people have left the office and I am alone with a computer and a little time. I am usually tired and vulnerable and the yetzer comes to visit. I feel him coming, I get that feeling, knowing that I am going to be alone soon and start to get those bad feelings again

Once I get home, I am OK as my wife is there and the rest of the day is OK…

Any suggestions on how handling the hour or so at the end of the work day?

fightingthefight wrote on 18 May 2023 10:01:

Screenshot accountability software (Truple, Webchaver, Covenant Eyes) and maybe eventually an accountability partner.

Are you talking about an Ipad (or android equivalent), or something bigger? I know some suggest a iPad but I've seen foldables and all types. Even the slightly bigger ones you cannot carry with you, is problematic! The argument that can be made to "somehow" find a way to filter the phone at least 90% plus timeout features work better in my opinion due to my understanding of the difficulty getting rid of the phones!

I see myself as a basically posh*t person and more or less average. I don't want to rid my iphone because I find it extremely useful. See, with TV, movie theatres, or other addictions, they don't have positive use and use for much good. Smartphones were around for so many years that many people became dependent (not addicted), whilst others got an addicted in the process. If I remember correctly, I had a smartphone way before the Gedolim understood that it's a problem. We got used to it and it serves many functions.

While a smartphone is with you all the time, it's mostly convenient when away from home (at home you got your tablet!). On the street or when visiting someone, you're not really interested in being connected all the time. It's very useful to answer emails (sometimes extremely important), finding your way around using maps, typing text without pushing three times per letter (I know there are smarts; but it's still a hassle). You can connect to a shiur (torah anytime, kol haloshon, the yeshiva net, etc...; I know that you can dial in but you'd need to know all the codes and if you want to search for a shiur, you're out of luck). Even if what I'm saying is not 100% correct, there's still moreh bosor vedam and people are ashamed to always be connected, especially a stable person that has a life (no offenses meant; we all have issues; I meant, some people have life triggers and that will break through ANY rules, as I have experience with people! So a tablet won't help with the above needs and neither a laptop! Why not a filtered smartphone (just like a filtered smartphone, as suggested; even use a kehilah account!).

A tablet, is not useful on the road because it cannot connect to internet (If you get cellular service: 1. it costs a lot and 2, in a way defeats the purpose of the tablet! The tablet also can be used at home, where there are "at times" no people to hold you accountable (not so in the street or public area)! I don't get this whole tablet miracle cure everyone is talking about!

If you go flip phone and want to get used to a different lifestyle, I respect it 100% but this dual phone/tablet, doesn't sound reasonable and can be used with more anonymity than a smartphone! Yes, a kosher smartphone, makes sense and is secheldig, but a tablet! A laptop you cannot take to bathroom or under the covers as easily, but a tablet!

Please educate me. I'll be the first one to admit I'm wrong. And please forgive me for challenging the suggestion.

Thanks. 

A few thoughts about my first week or so here on GYE. I have been clean 6 out of the 8 days. That it a  good week. I know it can and will get better, but I don’t want to focus on the negative. I have two falls and they came out of nowhere and hit me hard. I am just starting the “Flight the Freedom” program and I am exploring filters and learning my way around here. I am finding the most benefit from the forums. Reading the stories of others struggles confirms to me that I am not some weirdo pervert. Just someone with an addiction who is seeking help. 

I am seeing my mind clear up a little. I focused better on my davening this week. My relationship with my wife was strong and I seemed a little more present in our conversations. I got a little taste of what life can be like without P and M. I know that many bumps and tough days are ahead, but with HaShems help and using this program properly, I feel my future is a little more bright after this last week. Thanks for caring and commenting and just being here…

Thanks for the update, my friend. It's beautiful to see you growing and working hard to keep going! Keep it up, and your hard work and persistence will pay off with tremendous dividends
Keep trucking!

fightingthefight wrote on 21 May 2023 10:50:

Great post. Read this when you hit those inevitable bumps.

You can definitely do it. 

Another problem with living in the unfiltered world.  I had a meeting with a sales rep from a company we do business with. She was in town trying to sell me her product and with any salesperson she was overly "friendly" I don't want to trigger anyone, but lets just say that she was dressed inappropriately and was extremely flirtatious. The meeting lasted about 30 minutes and I have to admit that my mind wandered into places that it shouldn't. The next hour or so, I had to fight off the Yetzer and finally the feeling past and I was OK.

My question is, Was that a "fall" just having those thoughts? or was that a win, because I didn't act upon them? I know two weeks ago, I would have done something and with the help of you guys and GYE, I didn't, but still feel very guilty about the thoughts that I was having. 

I hope this makes sense and would love to hear about how other people handle just "bad thoughts".