Day 45 ka"h. That's halfway to 90!

I've been "meeting" more and more and more wonderful people here on GYE. It's a wonderful community.

(I think that to generalize, people who are susceptible to big struggles in the sexual arena are also predisposed to being deeper, more emotional, more sensitive people.)

Yesterday I had a texting conversation with one of the wonderful people here that I've been in contact with for a while. It started as a very open, honest conversation about the struggle and pain that us SSAers endure when close, friendly relationships simultaneously have sexual feelings. Unfortunately, the conversation eventually devolved into a very explicit sexual chat.

After I cooled down, I insisted that we delete each other's numbers. I was especially concerned since we live in relative proximity.

We did so, promising to be in touch when Moshiach comes and we experience ואת רוח הטומאה אעביר מן הארץ.


There are those who have advised me to not contact people on this site privately. I don't think that's a good idea for me since the great majority of my correspondence has been healthy and encouraging. I don't think I could fight this battle on my own. And truthfully, GYE is my main social life these days (sad as that is). 

I'm going to keep trucking along, and try to keep things kosher.

My friend, in my eyes you are a hero

AMAZED!!!!!!!

Keep it up!

Yitz!!
Amazing as always!!
Our דוגמא of sincerity and honesty.
Keep inspiring!!

so powerful yitz. thanks for sharing.

Hi I'm just checking in, I don't have any major stories to tell.

Today is 49 days, which are 7 weeks to the Counting.

Pretty crazy, ah?

I went away for Shabbos, and it was really nice to be with other people for a change. There were two really cute boys (upper high school age) that were with me for Shabbos as well, and that was (and is) stuck in my mind. I woke up on Shabbos morning with remnants of a wet dream again, but this time it was truly not my fault.

I chatted with Heeling about it, and he pointed out that the more I get to know them in a non-sexual way, the more I will see them as normal, flawed human beings and not as these gods of confidence and beauty, and that will diminish my longing and desire.

Coming back to yeshiva was a downer, since things are going quite poorly. Keeping a reasonable sleep schedule, learning, and davening are a mess, and my social life is not much better. Working out has taken a hit too, since I'm waking up very late and I'm not feeling good about myself.

It's a miracle I haven't masturbated yet.

How can you call 49 clean days not a major story???

49 clean days is a major story! You should straighten your back and go treat yourself to something.

Keep it up my friend! Your an inspiration!

That's a whole sefira Yitz! I want to tell you to get yourself something but I have to tell myself first, it can be hard to treat ourselves as well as we treat someone else... 
When we warch porn or act out in other ways we can feel momentarily better, but we are not really treating ourselves better. We are treating ourselves to guilt, shame, dissonance in our life, low self esteem...
Thank you for telling us your progress Yitz!

Wow Yitz your truly amazing keep up your holy work you’ll get to the top & STAY THERE with hashems help!!!!
What HHM thought  me to do when that happens is to say a kapital tehilim for him you’ll see it’ll get much easier 
Keep up your amazing work!!!

We’ll done bro. Keep it up. Wishing you continued success 

Wow Yitz,
By now, you must realize that this battle is a winnable one, I mean if you can go 49 days, why not 90 and then up and up? Nothing really builds up by not M...... its just a fantasy that the YH tells  us that the longer we go, the more desperate we become. ITS NOT TRUE. 
YOU CAN DO THIS! 
Learn from my mistakes, make freidns and good ones while you are still young and in yeshiva, find some guys that you can have a good chat and form a bond, dont let shyness get in the way, you have so much to offer! Dont let all the immature narishe guys get all the good friends. I missed the boat and i will forever regret it. 
Shteig away and be happy for what you have achieved and for what you will achive!

chancy wrote on 12 Jun 2023 19:03:

Chancy, you break my heart every time.

Thank Hashem you have a heart thats beating with love and not hate....

chancy wrote on 12 Jun 2023 19:13:

Can you tell us more about what you mean?

I was just reading the shak-la va-tarya of your messaging and the messages you received. You articulated your struggle in a clear way. It was known to me that this was not a mother-son thing in a sexual way. You made that clear from the start when you described the issue. Perhaps this is why "frank..." changed the word fantasies to delusions. The word "fantasies" was probably a mistake. Either way a thought occured to me while writing this that I would like to share. It's been said before that when a person feels (and expresses?) gratitude to Hashem for something , Hashem will bless you with more Hatzlacha. To those of us that are struggling with this issue the gratitude could become difficult. We can't express gratitude in this area. However, from your response I realize that we could. Realize that there are people that struggle with the very thing that you call "gross....". So perhaps sing and dance with happiness and say baruch Hashem you are not played with those types of thoughts. Hatzlacha Rabba.