Tough stuff my friend. You're brave. Hope shabbos is okay for you.

Shabbos was pretty nice in the end.

I had great meals and I read a bunch to keep boredom away.

Much more difficult was Friday, when I was anticipating an awful situation and stewing in loneliness and self-pity: I reverted to past negative behaviors, calling a phone sex line and an old friend whom I thought I could have an inappropriate conversation with. These are behaviors than I haven't done in quite a while, but BH each of those phone calls were extremely short and I didn't get anywhere too inappropriate before I ended them.

BH Shabbos morning marked 40 DAYS of being clean from intentional masturbation!

But it's really hard to stop masturbating, and my body isn't letting me off easy. All of these behavioral relapses would not be happening if I was still masturbating.

I don't think any situation is that hard once you accept it.

It's hard when you are angry that it's not the way you wanted it,
it's hard when you are trying to change a situation that you have no control over,
it's hard when you are scared about what the future will bring,
it's hard when you have resentment toward others/yourself/Hashem for bringing you into this situation.

But we have the choice to remain with these feelings, or to let go and live the moment as best as we could.

Stretch your arms, wiggle your toes, you are still breathing. Even the worst situation can't take away yourself from you, and your self is really all you got anyway. 

One moment at a time. You can make the most of each moment, what you did with the past doesn't matter at all.

“One moment at a time. You can make the most of each moment, what you did with the past doesn't matter at all.”

Once heard in the name of the Chidushei Harim ztl
 “Hashem gave us the Osid so that we can be mesakein the Ovar, however people take their Ovar and destroy their Osid with it.”

Ki Sorisa wrote on 04 Jun 2023 13:07:

I was about to post here a few days ago, (unfortunately there was a problem with the system and the whole post went down the drain, and I did not have time to rewrite it all), but I remember that This was a part, "העבר אין, העתיד עדיין, ההוה כהרף עין, דאגה מנין", Reb Yitz don't focus on the past, but use the lessons of your past for your future.Thanks Yitz for being a inspiration!!!
True self

Yitz, your are an inspiration!



Congratulations on hitting 40 clean days! WOW! What a number! Its 40 days of hard battles that you won and will never loss them no matter what happened in the past or what will happen in the future. Stay in your lane and if someone tried to cut you off, just honk your horn excessively and tell him to get lost.



Your a true hero!

Heeling wrote on 04 Jun 2023 23:57:

Thank you so much Heeling.

I'm going through really hard withdrawal symptoms, and in general I'm having a hard time learning and with getting up at a reasonable time. (Spending a lot of late nights on this addictive new website I discovered, guardyoureyes.com.)

I'm just comforted that this period is building me, and just like it was easier for the first 26 days since I'd done it before, next time it will be easier for the first 41 days, since I've done it before (and hopefully there won't be a next time at all).

yitz23 wrote on 31 May 2023 02:58:

I'm reading some of the older posts on my thread when the oilam was responding to my setbacks last week.

It seems I was feeling so bad about myself that I was interpreting some very nice, non-judgmental posts as finger-wagging and condescending.

Thanks to all for the continued support, through the ups and the downs.

Very mature of you to post that buddy!  Guys with such honesty and self understanding go places!

Reb Yitz,
I am going through some personal difficulty now. Not just in the arena of what we discuss on this site. 
I came to your thread for chizzuk. Not just cheerleading, but practical tips for tough-it-out grit. 
Learning a lot from you. Getting real chizzuk, especially the stuff about dealing with difficult siatuations by accepting them, and realizing that my reactions are a choice, even if the situation is not. 
You are a deep, couragous dude, and I am learning a lot from you.
Keep strong and keep giving us stregnth!   

Thank you so much Chaimoigen

You don't know what you just did for my self-esteem...

I don't know how to say this, but I get intimidated by you, so it felt doubly good to get this feedback.

(I think I get intimidated in part because your posts are very religion-oriented, and that brings up associations of feeling unsafe for me.)


It really feels gratifying to hear that others are being affected by my battles. Even when I'm going through hell, I know I can at least make a good post out of it 

But seriously, it gives meaning to my suffering, which is very important. Viktor Frankel, Holocaust survivor and world-class psychologist, writes that humans can survive any suffering as long as they see a purpose and meaning in it.

I would love to one day be a rebbi of some sort, then I might really feel that my experiences have paid off.

Yitz your bh doing amazing keep up the great work you keep on amazing us at what you are doing!!! Don’t worry we all are going through our own personal hell but that’s what we are here for, to work!!! No one ever said life is meant to be easy!!!!
No need to say one day you’ll be a rebbi, right now you are one to so many (yes you have a big achryias on your shoulders;))

Reb Yitz,
Let me share some insight about life, taken from my own experience and learning. Only take it if it helps you, if not, discard it immediately. 
Hashem our creator and the creator of everything that exists, is the sole existence there is. There is nothing but Him! Everything else is just Him hiding in many layers of concealment and so on. 
Only a creator that is pure good and love would create a world and give to its inhabitants everything they can possibly want, He didnt have to do it, its just who He is, the very essence of good. 
Now, our life here on this earth for these few decades we live is just a preparation for the real us that cant shine on this world only in the higher realms for now. Meaning, this is the factory where we get down and dirty with the rough and tough stuff.... we find dirty stones and need to make them shine to become diamonds! There are many many types of diamonds and precious material that we need to gather and fix in this world, therefore we each have our own struggles in life. There is nobody in this world that doesn't have any problems! No such a thing, it would be pointless to live like that. 
Some people struggle with health, money, kids, family the law, etc. terrible struggles, our struggles here on GYE are a little higher then that because we struggle for the Torah! We are not for help with a luxury, rather we want to be holy yiden and Hashem's loyal servant as well as His beloved children! 
One thing everyone is life has to remember is that NOTHING happens without Hashems energy, all the desires and thoughts and struggles emanate from up high and are waiting for us to do whats right so that we can fix this world and our souls, so when the times comes and Moshiach comes or we leave this lowly world, we will be able to bask in the glow of the holy struggles we did on this world, then we will be able to see what we did and why it was so worth it! 

Please do yourself a favor and check out the F2F program, it will do you a lot of good. Just try it.

Thank you for listening

Just reading this now, its amazing that you stayed in yeshivah for shabbos even though everyone else left just to help with your struggle! I know exactly how you feel, I've definitely done that before. I hope you continue to shteig!

yitz23 wrote on 06 Jun 2023 16:39:

Reb Yitz, you are a shtikel rabbi already 

You can't imagine what huge affects you have on others here, you inspire ____ and ____ inspires ____ and so on (I'm not sure where I come into the picture )

When you will be married with children beH, you will understand what Victor Frankel meant, I read his book as a bachur, and now that I'm married I truly feel what he means when describing how he survived the holocaust only because of his wife, you are working on yourself in order to become the best husband ever!!! 
Keep on shteiging and being an inspiration!