anyone interested in a shtikel partner for F2F? I feel it is hard to do alone

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 02 Jun 2023 15:04:

Thank you. I was never good at Balderdash. 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 02 Jun 2023 15:04:

My friend, GSBY, as I was looking at your post here I saw your streak, and I remembered your story. My friend, it gave me a real dose of inspiration!
p.s. I don't mean to hijack anyone's thread. Sorry

hey guys, i took the time to write up a whole philosophical post, and it didn't upload... annoying.

tachlis quick update: today is day 5 bh and going strong. 
i met w HHM this week. he's a tayere yid. put some things in perspective. i'm very appreciative. 

i'm going away for some time and i dont think i'll have access to internet so wont come around here. i hope to come back w big numbers!

gut shabbos chevra

shalom aleichem raboisai!

i was away for the week and wooof! there's so much i have to catch up on. looks like some new chevra joined and i'm excited to read their stories and get to know them. that plus the 107 new replies i opened up to...

also, seems the site got a makeover, and w the new system i can't update the success tracker till i do some work on the f2f which i guess is a good thing, cuz i'll finally be pushed to get involved w that program (@grant). 

I was last here a week ago on day 5, and i'm now comfortably in the double digits at day 12:)
i'm back home this week and things are gonna be less on autopilot as they were this past week so i'll have to be more focused. hopefully w the help of the f2f program. i can do this.

gut shabbos

Don't run away again! 

Take a flight to freedom into the horizon of sanity.

hi guys

today is day 14 bh. i'm wrapping up this two week streak in good spirits, and doing very well bh.
this week i'm in a more challenging situation then i was in last week, so i'm being careful to stay conscious and focused, and i'll also be posting more.

also, i finally (re)started the F2F program. part of what was stopping me from doing it till now, is the fact that i go for therapy, and i felt that that's a better solution for me cuz it's customly geared to me. i also felt that many of the ideas discussed in the program i was seeing on the forum and that can suffice. 
l'maase, i'm happy i'm doing it. the program is very helpful and puts things in perspective. even if it's hearing something that i already knew, it's built in a professional concise manner, and helps build a solid foundation.
another reason i never got far w it, is cuz at the parts where you have to print out forms and fill them out i got lazy. this time though i want to give it more of a serious try, and i plan on getting some work done every night.

take care

There are a lot of important ideas and specific tool in the F2F that are great. Even if they are not new ideas, there is tremendous value to doing the work, breaking the ideas down into tools etc. This allows them to be internalized in the עולם המעשה. There are always good excuses not to do work... Kol Hakovod for pushing through!



The beautiful glow of a radiant dawn is on the Horizon... חדשים לבקרים!

Chazak Vamatz, my friend!

well well

today is day 1...
i had 14 days and now im back to the single digits. its not fun,
at the same time im focusing on the fact that recently im doing better and i've definitely grown a lot over the last couple months. when i first started w gye, i had an 8 day streak. since then it took me months to get to 8 days again. the last couple months though i've been doing longer streaks, and its coming along easier. so in the big picture im making progress bh.

in other news, i'm frustrated about shiduchim. i think im a good guy (if i may say so myself:smiley: ) and my friends are mostly married. things are going very slow for me however. i blame my mother for it, cuz she does things very slowly, sits on names for a long time, and by the time she's interested in something, they're already making a bris...
today i told her that im upset w her about it. (she also knows that i love her, and i make it a point to spend quality time w her, so its not like im just sitting there angrily all the time) her response was that iy"h very soon i'll get married to a very special girl. amain i guess.
i'm a little uncomfortable writing this, but its probably good to express my feelings.

thanks for listening guys
hatzlacha

Horizon wrote on 14 Jun 2023 22:54:

Kudos on the 14 days first of all.
I had a similar frustration with my mother... I specifically remember I went to eretz yisroel and my mother made a special request for me to go to a certain rabbi for a bracha for a shidduch, and I had such a visceral reaction- "I don't need a bracha, I need you to make phone calls!" I didn't say anything, but I couldn't bring myself to go either. I wonder if you had a similar reaction to your mom's bracha. I get the discomfort writing this, but yeah, it can help to express yourself.

Horizon wrote on 14 Jun 2023 22:54:

I know what you mean, I just started shidduchim a month or so ago, but its so frustrating. Everything will be fine though!

EccentricComposer wrote on 15 Jun 2023 00:50:

as someone who'se dated closer to 100 girls than 0 girls i can testify to the fact that i married the first girl that I actually chose to go out with. 

I made a list of the character traits that were important to me, canceled out the contradictions, merged redundancies, then narrowed it down to the top ten in order of importance. 

I then accepted that when i met someone with 3 or 4 of those traits who looked somewhat decent, i'd marry her. 

I then took out the last resume entered into the 6 inch stack of "no's" and set up the date. 

I married her. 

she had 9 out of 10 traits, and that's only because #10 was really dumb and not a character trait. 

She was kinda plain looking when i first met her but now i think she's smokin'

hope this helps

One other tip for you dating guys. When you go out on a date be sure you know the girl’s name. I know that’s a hard one since it’s at least three weeks or longer from the time you see the resume until you go out with her 

does sound like a smart way of doing things r' ILH247.
im someone whos dated closer to 0 then to 100, but my problem isn't that im picky or unrealistic, its that im not really the one in charge...

although honestly if i would be on top of mom and stand on her head (like i did today) i would probably be getting somewhere, thing is i dont have enough motivation for that. especially at a time that i just porned/masturbated and feel like marriage isnt realistic. which ends up being a tough cycle cuz im feeling down so i dont put in the work to help me find my match, which makes me feel down that im not finding her... tough cycle for me, but p&m feel quite comfy in that cycle.

STD test... bh i dont need that. seems hashem has some of us up for a ride in this world

p.s.

not about being picky. 

It's about making your own  choices