iwish001 wrote on 21 Apr 2023 07:41:
@Misgaber96 - I'm sending you a lot of hugs and I hope you'll have strength to deal with a situation you're in and that you'll get advice from someone wiser than me.
@Crabapple18
I guess we should use any strategy that helps us to overcome this and live a life we want.
I corrected my intial post in case it was unclear. I wanted to expand on talk about "porn is fake" that was talked about throught the topic.
This thought of it being fake, and it surely is, can help...but to go even further, I wanted to expand that what we see in it, or expect from it, is fake also. By looking at it we create fantasies which are just that...fantasies in our mind, that we created.
Something we'll never reach and something that never ends.
This awarness is not meant to be a magic solution or a cure for this, but it helps me to see an apsurdity of my behaviour. On the other hand, it gives me the strength because the solution is within me, not somewhere outside.
Thank you for the beautiful prayer. I wish you much success.
Hi thank you for your response,
I have shared about this girl earlier and shared the help I got from someone wiser than me... just click on my name.
What works for me is to share my situation and pray.
I do agree with @crabapple as this approach has worked for me (I really like his prayer and will hopefully use it as I have used it now)
Although porn is all a sham and full of garbage... I don't think that my thoughts that porn is intriguing are "fake". To me they are just as real as the computer that is in front of me.
My thoughts were not being dealt with responsibly by throwing them in the trashcan of "fake". My obsession still exists even if I call it "fake". If I am on shidduchim will I call my feelings for this girl "fake"? If I had a nice experience with a colleague and I now miss him, is that emotion of loneliness "fake"? (These are current or recent feelings of mine). To me my emotions run my life in a big way and throwing them away by saying that they are fake is too hard for me to handle. I feel like a piece of me is lost.
So what do I do with the BAD pieces of me? I usually chuck bad things away but I can't chuck ME away.
So do I keep it? That is going to destroy me.
I choose to allow Hashem the power to change it.
I give the emotion to Hashem and let Him deal with it, That way I have acknowledged it and now I can let something bigger than myself deal with it, and it works!
I am not suggesting you change your ways, I am explaining why this system works for me. It is much more gentle, and with Hashem in charge, much more powerful.
I also have tried to have the solution within me for about 13 years. I came to a rock bottom realising I couldn't do it anymore on my own not knowing where to turn... I realised that I am powerless over my addiction without being fully aware. A friend from SA who had opened up to me before had opened up to me saying his story. I said to myself if I act out again I will go to the meeting. I fell into the addiction and obsession for under a week. That was the ticket, I had proven that I was an addict. Now I am sober for 8 months.
Maybe I should try your method again. For now this is working wonders.
