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TOPIC: Just getting started 2412 Views

Re: Just getting started 21 Mar 2023 20:14 #393679

chancy
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Hi MY,
I want to answer someting that you brought up. But first let me say this, P and M are not considered עריות. Unless you are talking about more serious stuff.
Next, that thought that you are having about not being medakdak in other areas because this is more important and you dont want to be a hypocrite, this is clearly the YH talking! There is no such a thing in yidishkeit! If you were to say "I dont care about stopping Porn or masturbation, im going to do it forever" thats a problem but still wouldn't make you a goy that can just whatever because you ar weak in one area. But you are not even saying that you dont care! You are actively trying to stop! you are fighting and succeeding! Of course you should stay the whole davening! Of course you should be medakdak in every way that you can!! Why not? Give some pleasure to the Shchina!

The Bash"t says that the pleasure one gets from seeing his long lost son is so much more then one seeing his son that lives next door, the same thing says the Bash"t is with Hashem, h has much more pleasure when one of is lost sons who are down here struggling for dear life give him a good davening or any other mitzvah then the pleasure He gets from a tzaddik who is always near Him!
So dont listen to your YH. Be as erlich as you possibly can and eventually you will kick this issue for good as well!

Re: Just getting started 22 Mar 2023 16:27 #393707

monseyyid41
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Ugghhh! I’m so stressed. My wife is sick in bed so I had to get everyone up and out – make breakfast, find their clothes, pack lunches, make ponies (help!), etc. I have two sons. One has down syndrome and is on the spectrum. He can be challenging. The other has ADHD. He is EXTREMELY challenging (and that’s when the meds are working). Add to that my 4-year-old twins, who are delicious when Mommy’s around but now Mommy’s not around. I was up at 6 but didn’t get to daven till 9:30 (at home), and then I had to bring my son to school because he missed his ride (he goes to school in a different city so that’s an extra hour on my already late start to the day).

I know I sound like a baby (I mean, who doesn’t have a stressful life) but that’s how I feel. I just want to veg in front of a screen right now. Nothing אסור of course, just some sports, and maybe a little politics (Ben Shapiro usually makes me laugh. Oh, and Kamala Harris ALWAYS makes me laugh, though not for the same reason, but I digress) Can I please get a היתר from one of the Chashuve Rabbonim here on the forum. Just for an hour. And It won’t lead to anything else, I promise. No need to write a whole long תשובה, just a simple מותר לך מותר לך, מותר לך, will do. Unless you have a better idea. I’m always open to trying something new. Wait a minute. I’m starting to not feel so stressed. Strange.

My thread: Forum (guardyoureyes.com)
We are not all in the same boat, but we are all in the same lake. And when one boat is in trouble, the other boats in the lake can quickly come to his aid. Feel free to reach out to me to give some chizuk or to receive some. monseyyid41@gmail.com

Re: Just getting started 22 Mar 2023 16:44 #393708

Tomimtihyeh OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 14 Karma: 6	Life is so stressful, and it seems like you have an extra challenging day - but thanks for bringing some humor in! Good luck, stay strong and refua shelema at home!

Re: Just getting started 22 Mar 2023 16:50 #393709

chancy OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 527 Karma: 22	There used to be a kosher place here on GYE where you can download kosher videos in times of need. I dont know if its still around. But in my experience, nothing beats exercise. Makes you feel good and gets you going. Watching a movei and wasting the day will make you feel horrible and draw you to do bad stuff. Hashem Should help you speedily with everything you need and want

Re: Just getting started 22 Mar 2023 19:39 #393722

eerie
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monseyyid41 wrote on 22 Mar 2023 16:27:

Thanks for sharing, my friend! The only that bothered me is that you feel silly for venting. First of all, isn't that what friends are for, to help each other, to lend a compassionate ear? 2nd of all, you truly are having an extremely stressful day! 3rd of all, you are human and your stressed, so what can be funny or silly about venting? The fact that you are stressed is a fact, and having where to vent it is a bracha, and never feel silly. We care about you, we know you are human, and we want to hear what is going on. Keep trucking, my holy friend! Oh, and keep venting:)

Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: Just getting started 23 Mar 2023 10:31 #393778

excellence
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Dear My,

Sorry to hear about your challenges. U truly must be a great man if ur being tested this way.

Generally having specific kosher sites that are unblocked ready for you to unwind, is alot safer than browsing the web for "kosher Fun" cos it can start going downhill...

"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"

My Thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/361746-Striving-for-Excellence
Believe in yourself: guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/357766-Bunch-of-Quotes-I-Gained-from-over-the-years

Check this out too for some Chizuk: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/The%20First%20Day%20of%20the%20Rest%20of%20My%20Life.pdf

Re: Just getting started 23 Mar 2023 21:59 #393811

m111
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monseyyid41 wrote on 22 Mar 2023 16:27:

We feel for you,
( I also have difficulty with my kids, not as difficult as you)
Life is tough sometimes, and we just wish to sooth it.
Chocolate is kosher but not as effective.
I also naturally look to the screen for comfort, whether Kosher or not, mabe even now being on GYE is my soother.
Yes life has stresses. Sometimes major stresses.
But what do we do with it?

When 2 yidden get together, it is two nefesh elokis (godly souls) against one nefesh hebehamis (animal soul)
Feel free to private message me.

Re: Just getting started 24 Mar 2023 15:01 #393851

monseyyid41 Current streak: 95 days OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 103 Karma: 11	Excellence, every time you post, it gives me a boost. Your Avatar is so inspiring. It gives me the desire to get there someday. If you're ever having a hard time and thinking about giving in, just remember that there's a Yid in Monsey who looks up to you. Can't wait till you change it to 360!
	My thread: Forum (guardyoureyes.com) We are not all in the same boat, but we are all in the same lake. And when one boat is in trouble, the other boats in the lake can quickly come to his aid. Feel free to reach out to me to give some chizuk or to receive some. monseyyid41@gmail.com

Re: Just getting started 30 Mar 2023 14:18 #394138

monseyyid41
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Just a couple of thoughts as I approach 30 days. It is amazing to me how it seems like it's been so easy. Once I've started posting and connecting with others, and I feel like I've turned a corner, it just doesn't appeal to me to go back to that old way. I'm not trying to be לועג לרש I'm just telling you how it's been. But it makes me a bit nervous. Is this real, or just the calm before the storm?
Another thing I noticed is that I've gained a certain contentment with just being clean from P/M, to the extent that when I have had a Nisayon of Histaklus, I haven't been putting up enough of a fight, because my Y'H is telling me: you're clean from the main problems, don't get caught up on the minor things.
I thought it would be the opposite. Until now, Histaklus wasn't even on my radar screen because I was doing even worse, so it would be silly to try to fight against that when I couldn't even get the more serious things under control (this isn't true, of course, I'm just saying that's what I had always told myself). But now, I expected that having been clean from P/M, I would be able to go to the next level of Shmiras Einayim, but it's been challenging to make a fight out of that and not just be satisfied with my current level.

Re: Just getting started 30 Mar 2023 16:33 #394143

chancy
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Reb MY41,

כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול הימנו.
The YH is changing tactics with you... he sees that you are able to stay away from P and M, so he is trying something new, its really simple.
From a mental and physical standpoint, your brain is still looking for the forbidden pleasures and when you dont look at P or M it will try to get some pleasure from just looking.
Please dont compare looking at P and/or M to seeing a women on the street..... looing at women on the street has been a nisoyan for thousands of years for every single yid, P on the other hand is a completely sick and overexaggerated convolution of the normal desire that a man has to look at a woman. So please dont compare them.
The g'mara i sent you regarding a yid going to a place where women are not dressed properly says that if he HAD to go that way he is not a Rasha, he had no choice. He is a Tzaddik if he still looks away, but not a rasha if he doesn't.
Nowadays, just walking on the street in our own neighborhoods is difficult becuase the way most women dress today, and there isnt away around that, we are not supposed to stay home forever..... so you walk with you head donw and try not to look at anything, if you see something, as soon as you realize you are stating at something you shouldnt, just look away. No need to freak out that you saw something improper, thats not your fault at all! The B'nie yisoscher says so clearly, that a yid will not be tainted by the first thought or sight that comes into his head, the only thing thats asked from us is to not continue fantasizing once we realize what we are doing...

I dont know if this is too liberal for some people here but its the truth.

Re: Just getting started 30 Mar 2023 18:44 #394149

davidt
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chancy wrote on 30 Mar 2023 16:33:

The first look is on Hashem and the second look is on us.
In other words, we can't help if we saw something triggering in the street unintentionally.
If we will have to be in an area where we know there will be a struggle, we can try to offer a short prayer before leaving the house: "Please Hashem, help me not to take any second looks". And if we find that we do stumble and take a second look, we can quickly offer another short prayer and say, "Hashem, I surrender my lust to you! Please take it away from me".

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Just getting started 30 Mar 2023 23:44 #394162

eerie
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monseyyid41 wrote on 30 Mar 2023 14:18:

Hey, absolutely amazing, my friend! So nice to hear that you are finding this easy, and it's absolutely amazing to watch you grow!
As far as the increase in tests as far as shmiras einayim when working on breaking free, this is a sentiment many of us have expressed. I had the same. In the simplest sense this is probably caused by heightened sensitivity, and it seems that for most people this does not last very long. So keep trucking, and light up all of Monsey....and the whole world!

Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Last Edit: 30 Mar 2023 23:45 by eerie.

Re: Just getting started 03 Apr 2023 15:12 #394285

monseyyid41
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Hello, everyone. I just realized that I will be"h reach my 30-day clean streak on Erev Pesach. And while it's always a good time to reach a milestone, I feel like there couldn't be a better time for me to celebrate staying clean than on זמן חרותינו. I feel that I can actually go into this Yom Tov knowing that I have been freed (and hopefully will stay free) from being a slave to this Y"H. I know there's nothing that profound about that but I just wanted to share how I was feeling. I want to wish everyone Hatzlacha on their own journey to freedom and I would like to thank all of you (readers, posters, responders) for the part that you have played in my success. I will likely not be back on this site until after Yom Tov, so I wish everyone a Chag Kasher V'sameach!!

Re: Just getting started 04 Apr 2023 19:50 #394340

m111
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monseyyid41 wrote on 03 Apr 2023 15:12:

Yes, even without getting rid of the Yetzer Hora, we can still be free from his slavery. That is, we don't have to think and feel that in certain situations we cannot control ourselves, and the taava is unmanagable. This is the breakthrough of being part of GYE.

When 2 yidden get together, it is two nefesh elokis (godly souls) against one nefesh hebehamis (animal soul)
Feel free to private message me.

Re: Just getting started 20 Apr 2023 14:37 #394739

monseyyid41
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Hi everyone, I just wanted to share a feeling with you that I have been having recently as I read some of the members' stories on the forums. There is a famous letter from Rav Hutner Zt"l to a struggling Bochur, a Talmid of his, where he gives him tremendous Chizuk. The entire letter is a gold mine of good advice and Hashkofas Hatorah and I have received a tremendous boost from reading it over and over throughout the years, but there is one line in that letter that I thought of recently.
He quotes the famous Passuk "שבע יפול צדיק וקם" and he says that the foolish person thinks that what this means is that a tzaddik is someone who, despite falling numerous times, still gets up from the fall and continues onward. However, the wise person knows that what this really means is that the Tzaddik gets up BECAUSE OF his numerous falls, not in spite of them, meaning that the Tzaddik's struggles, his battles, and yes, even his falls, are all part of what has made him great. He has reached the level that he reached because of all the struggles he has gone through and at the end he has emerged victorious. (I am not doing justice to his words, I think it's really worthwhile to see it inside. Besides for the content, he also writes so beautifully).
The reason that I thought of this now is because I see so many heilige people here who are chronicling their stories, and inevitably that includes not just their successes but also sometimes their falls and I wonder to myself, how do they do it? How does someone post that he just fell after 20, 30, 50, 100, days but they are starting over again and are committed to keep going, keep trying, (or keep trucking, as R' Eerie likes to say). I myself don't know if I would be able to do that. But the answer is that these Tzaddikim seem to understand what Rav Hutner was telling his Talmid. That the fall is just another step on the journey, another road on the path leading to their greatness. They're not getting up despite their fall, but rather because of it. Thank you to all those that have inspired me and given me this insight.