noselfconfidence wrote on 15 Dec 2022 18:33:

Welcome. I promise you NO ONE is laughing. Posting takes courage. Your story is not unusual. I will say, don’t do this just to please your wife (I don’t believe that’s how you really feel), do it because you really want to do better. All that talk about not caring and only doing it for her is coming from the low self confidence. If you can find the strength to overcome your embarrassment and talk to a therapist, it would probably help to address the issues of your relationship with your father, which I’ll bet anything is a huge part of this problem. You may have grown up (and you are still only in your 20s) but the little boy inside you still remembers and feels that hurt of feeling not good enough. I wish you hatzlacha. Get comfortable here. We are friendly and want to help. 

I have a few minutes to respond. 
first thing you gotta change your username to I HAVE SELF CONFIDENCE!! the first thing to build your confidence is by telling yourself that you have self confidence by keep on telling yourself that you don’t have your making yourself not have any confidence so step number one is look yourself in the mirror and pick your chin up high and say loud and clear ( don’t just think it) “I have self confidence “( make sure your wife’s not looking she might call hatzlah  ) 
number two you should know that the more far you’ll get from all this dirt and when you stop being mzl ( masturbating) which you’ll get there bhy with the help of H’ and gye- just like the thousands others here!! you’ll automatically feel much more confidence it’s a fact… I’m talking from experience .
Abt your wife crying to you… I don’t know what you could of told her yesterday but today you can say I did my first step to become a better husband, father ,Jew! Tell her you got so many responses on gye and you got good ideas and links etc. you can’t imagine the pain of a wife I can’t ether but after you recover from watching porn and you find out what a wife really likes and NEEDS you’ll know why she was crying… I’m not trying to make it harder for you just want to get you motivated to make a full change even though it will feel like hell ( In the begging)but it’s well worth it. You can look around at other peoples thread and you’ll see how amazing they changed and found real pleasure in intimacy and that porn brainwashed them to think differently abt women and what the bedroom is spouse to look like…

Wow! What a powerful first post! Very inspiring! I can truly feel your pain. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing with everyone!! Recovery and healing is a process. Sounds like there is some deep rooted trauma that needs to be addressed in order to properly heal - either through therapy or through discussion with others that have gone through similar experiences. Keep coming back and sharing your journey and you will see progress. Hashem should give you the strength you need to grow and succeed - IT CAN BE DONE!! We're all here to offer support and we're most definitely rooting for you to break free!
Hatzlacha!

I really want to thank everyone who answered my post I’m really shocked, I actually don’t believe you really are people like me your all normal people that are just on here giving me chizuk… whatever.
but what you said abt I should be on here for myself and not for my wife… for my myself I would rather just continue and not put up a fight it’s to hard for me… I wish my wife wouldn’t care so much but she does.
and what you wrote abt others post abt intimacy I did read a lot of post before I became a member and saw a ton and believe it. But I don’t understand it I’m a good husband I bring in money and I help out with the kids etc so I watch porn like if I would watch sports she wouldn’t care. And abt the bedroom why doesn’t she enjoy I do what she wants im not tough on her 
I guess your all right I have to reach out to someone live but I can’t see myself do it so I guess I’ll have to wait and bhy I’ll get the courage to go to therapy or email Hhm or respond to someone that sent me a private message 
Btw geshmak I want to thank you I love your post I don’t know what it is I think your such a chilled happy easy going guy I read most of your post I think your really geshmak and you actually got me to do something I never dreamed I can do.
I never ever spoke in public ( my father would make me crazy to, don’t ask)I feel like I just did give a speech in public but I wasn’t sure if anybody was listening but with alll you responding I see I did have an audience. I’m actually going to sleep calmer than I did in a long time!
and my wife is also I told that I learnt a lot from gye ( I didn’t say I posted I don’t want her to ask me what I posted) and I think she’s also going to sleep a lot calmer.

Hey buddy it’s really funny cause I’m really trying to stay off posting on gye as much as possible I get really addicted to anything fast like I was actually addicted to gye I was so busy and I was always thinking abt different stuff to post or what I should respond like it was taking over my life so I decided to just read and not post to much… but today I came home for lunch I usually eat in yeshivah and I saw your post and I couldn’t control myself so I responded ( I don’t regret it) thanks for the compliment! And I’m so happy you going to sleep calmer this is the starting off something big for you brother!! You won’t see me posting to much but I’m reading every post you post keep it pumping and don’t forget nobody knows who you are so post what and how you want…
btw just gonna respond ( I can’t control myself)abt what you said why does my wife care? 
I used to think the same thing but I can now explain it simply… basically she feels cheated on she wants you to think and love her the way she  looks the way she acts etc. by you looking at others she feels like your not interested in her only them and also when your in the room your only thinks abt them not her and she feels it big time she knows what your thinking and has no emotional connection with you … the truth is there is so much to say and I’m not even saying it good there is a person on here called Hhm he explained it to me very clearly… again I understand that you don’t feel comfortable calling him yet but if you could push yourself to make that call ( he doesn’t bite if he does bite back )
he can really explain it clearly and you’ll change your life and the life off your wife and kids bhy!! Good luck! Love ya!! גוט שבת!!

noselfconfidence wrote on 15 Dec 2022 18:33:

What is the extent of your issue with P&M? How does it affect your life? How does it affect your wife? How does it affect your kids? Be Honest with yourself...

You really are so bold, to post so honestly and openly! Stick around, go at your own pace, but make sure to go. Move just a little bit, you'll get where you really want to be. I also want to point out that it sounds like you have a very healthy and open relationship with your wife, in which you and her are very comfortable discussing things, and that's amazing! I'm pretty new here myself and I'm no professional, I can just answer some of your question based on my own very recent experience. Geshmak is right that spouses feel cheated on, they feel that their spouse has other loves and deep interests, which they feel (correctly so) should only be directed at them. She's probably also bothered because she knows that it is wrong and terrible for you. I learned the hard way that it's not just wrong, it also impacts your marriage in a very negative way. I wrote about the rude awakening I had when I had an open discussion with my wife, you can check it out in the BB forum under "honest conversation with my wife". Basically, healthy and correct intimacy is to be connecting on deep emotional level, and includes giving in a sensitive and caring way. Porn rewires your brain to think just about yourself, to see sex as a self-gratifying act, which it isn't meant to be. It is meant to be the apex of a wholesome, loving, caring, committed, emotional relationship. So besides for porn being wrong, it's poisonous to our relationships with our wives, being the total antithesis of what we are supposed to be doing with them, and really the opposite of what our own nefesh deeply needs. Keep posting my friend, we can all work on becoming better, that's what we are here for. Let us know what's going on my friend

noselfconfidence wrote on 15 Dec 2022 18:33:

Hugs!!!!!

NSC, you are able to change your username one time on GYE. I eagerly await the day when you become YesSelfConfidence! 

That will happen once you allow yourself to be open and honest with yourself and allow yourself to feel your feelings and face them, no matter how hard it is. Usually the right thing to do is the hard thing to do, and you've taken such a large leap in the right direction. I was so nervous when first posting here i was literally wiggling in place. And when I reached out to HHM and did viduy over the phone, OMG I almost pished my pants!!!

Once you face what's bothering you and do your best to make peace with it you will be able to move on and focus on continued growth. 

(a side point, HHM helps people understand the purpose of intimacy and how to communicate the attitude shift to one's spouse. The results are... astounding & quite exciting, to say the least)

Wishing you all the best from the bottom of my heart, 

With lots of love, 

ILH 
your brother in arms 

I’m gonna post my struggles it’s very hard for me but I’m gonna do it…
I can’t stop watching like if I try which I did many times I get crazy depressed and I feel like I’m gonna die or bust like I don’t even understand why. Why can’t I just stop? Which that makes me feel bad and makes me feel very low of myself and even worse is what I watch I’m sure if your on gye you saw bad stuff but I love ( I’m so embarrassed to type this) the low low like bathroom style stuff peeing on each other etc. the real gross stuff. My wife once caught me watching something low and she looks at me so low and ask me if I’m normal and said if you want watch sex is one thing but what do you enjoy about this? I was so broken then I broke into tears in front of her and she also did… my low self esteem went down even lower.
so I wondering a few stuff first if it’s so interesting and so addicting why can’t it just be muter what does H care if we watch it? And if it’s so bad why is it legal like were are they doing this and why can’t it be blocked by government? 
and the main question is why can’t a person just stop? I really want to but I can’t.why??
And also the more I post the more I’ll feel comfortable reaching out to someone. Hopefully

I see some very nice people sent me private message what how does it work ? What’s it deferent then the forum and do you find out my email address if I reply? And how do I know if the person I’m private messaging is someone I know?
I know I sound funny but I’m just so nervous for someone on here to know who I really am. Especially after I posted what I like to look at . I don’t think anybody else here enjoys looking at those stuff so why do I ? Am I normal… why do I like to people putting their face into someone else back we’re they make from. But I do like it.I wish I understood why.
im sorry if I’m making you nauseous 
good night. I’m actually going to sleep sad cause I can’t see myself stopping and I see from here that I have to stop and so many did and are but I can’t.whatever

With regard to the stuff that you enjoy watching, it is possible to eroticize anything. There are sometimes deep rooted feelings that get eroticized and affect the way we feel when we see things that others would view as bizarre. I had my own perversions. Once I had a clear understanding of where they came from, (through therapy) it was easier to move away from them.

With regards to your child, this can become a bigger problem as she gets older. It’s not worth the risk. Best to go for therapy and deal with it now so that you can have a healthy relationship with her.

Hi NSC! You are amazing that you keep digging deeper with each post, and as you do so you're becoming clearer in what exactly is your struggle, what you find hard about change, etc. So keep posting my friend! We are here with you, we care about you and your success.
About private messages, the difference between that and the forum is that it is, well, private. Nobody will see your conversation with the other person besides for you and that person. No, if you respond they will not see your email address. There is no way for you to know whether you know them, because this whole thing is anonymous, so you don't know who they are, and for the same reason they will not know who you are. Make sure you don't give any identifying details in your messages, and you should be fine.
I'm not a professional, just a friend writing my thoughts, but maybe I can help answer some of your questions. About your specific liking of things to watch, this desire within us, when it gets perverted through all the things we do and watch can take on many different colors, tastes, etc. So whatever your taste may be you are in the same boat as all of us, which means you need help, and yes, you can be helped. The question that seems to bother you the most is why can't you just stop? Stop and realize that if that bothers you so much that means that you really want to stop, because if you didn't care to stop then why would you be bothered? You are only bothered because you really, really, want to stop. You are on first base my friend, because you want to stop. You have to learn the skills, but your starting at a good spot. Why can't you just stop? I don't know if you are addicted or not, but either way there is a whole skill set that you have to learn. You need to learn the skills of self-control, you need to learn about motivation and the ways to change. There's a program you can access from the dashboard called 'flight to freedom', it may be very helpful. The real way to know what is the plan for you is through speaking with a therapist or GYE mentor, they can help you understand yourself and your urges so you will understand on your own why you can't just stop, and they can direct you to the specific things you need to learn which will help you stop, but if you are not holding there yet try the f2f. 
Remember, my dear friend, you're on the right track if you're here and you're bothered. Dig deep and you'll find some answers yourself! Keep posting, my friend!

Vehkam wrote on 18 Dec 2022 05:32:

Couldn't agree more. The fact that you have such desires isn't your fault. You never asked for them, and you're not a bad person for having desires. However, deviant desires are usually a sign that something (usually "underneath the surface") needs work. Therapy was very helpful for me in that regard. Sexualizing any child, and certainly your own, is a serious issue, and is certainly something that necessitates therapy. The RELIEF orginization was extremely helpful to me in discreetly refering me to a great therapist. There's a link to contact them HERE: reliefhelp.org
Hatzlacha Rabbah! We are all rooting for you!

Welcome,
Pease go for some real help.

What you're doin' with your daughter is wrong, illegal and sick, please stay far away from her until you have recovered.

Godspeed to you