Ummm I’ve been looking at this forum for a while and I finally got myself to become a member of gye and post I saw Someone said that it's healthy to post so I guess I'll try
I'm in my twenties and I'm married and have kids learn half day work other half have very little self confidants I'm the middle child in a big family all my brothers and brother in laws learn all day and are big t.ch. I always felt my farther hates me even though I know it's not true now that I have my own kids but I always thought that way and I built a deep belief with me that I'm not good and my father is embarrassed of me and the only thing that made me calm and happy was to look at bad pictures in my mothers lady magazines and masturbate but today I want to stop But I just can't I watch the worst and my wife which I'm very close to thank you h for that knows abt it but I tell her it's an Old addiction that I have. She begs me to stop for my kids sake I tell her I want to stop for mine and her sake but I just can't. She tried to get me to go to therapy but I'm to embarrassed to meet someone. She recently told me to check out gye so I'm here I saw that someone wrote that new members should post so here I am. He wrote it will feel good to get it out but I actually feel bad … I hope nobody knows me and u are probably all laughing at me for this weird first post. But I'm trying not to care and I'm really only doing this for my wife anyway she cry’s in bed and I know it’s because of me but just can’t help it so I told her I’ll try gye. Whatever

I see you geshmak said thank you. What are you thanking me for?
and by the way I think you were the one that I saw posted about new members posting. So thank you for the push.
By the way I’m jealous of your self confidence

Firstly welcome!!
second When someone hits the thank you button it means he read your post and likes it and appreciates it.
but I’m actually thanking you for posting I like when new people come on and post it makes the forum so much more exciting! And abt me having self confidence….I actually don’t have in real life but here nobody knows who I am so I can post what and how I want… so you too just post your heart out cause nobody really knows your real identity…
with that being said welcome to the family! Looking forward seeing many many more of your beautiful post! Loved your first and I’m sure gonna love the rest!
btw I want to respond to your post but I’m running back to yeshivah now it happened to be that I went home for lunch and just say your post so hit the thank you buttonn and now saw your fast response so I answered but im really rushing but im sure many other amazing geshmakah peaple will respond, good luck! 

Hi,

1) Welcome to the family! The mere fact that you shared your story, posted, and checked out GYE is a major step!

2) I recently saw a quote "You cant stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to get them sometimes" (believe it or not, its from Winnie the Pooh). The first step is to get out there and share your story, understand the need to change and have the willingness to seek change - which you have just done.

3) Truth be told, no matter how many posts you'll read or inspirational videos you'll watch - it will not help if you don't want to be helped! If you understand that you can no longer go on like this and understand that you must change - then, and only then, will all this help. 

4) Understand, that we are all here for the same reason, and we all struggle and we all fall and get back up again! So just because you are ready for change, please don't get discouraged if you fall - just get back up again and fight on!

5) I am BH married with kids as well, and all my wifes siblings and my siblings are either learning or in limudei kodesh work - I'm the only one, basically, that's out there in the work force. Should I be self conscious about that? Should I feel less than them? Absolutely not - we are all different, no two people are alike. I learn every morning and night and work during the day - I do the best that I can. There's no reason to have self doubt about that. Trust me, you have a special place in your fathers heart!

Stay strong! We are all here and rooting for you!!

noselfconfidence wrote on 15 Dec 2022 18:33:

Welcome to GYE! 
Your post is not a weird post at all. 
We are here for you! Remember that Hashem always loves you unconditionally!
I would very strongly suggest that you contact our great mentor who goes by the user name "Hashem Help Me" michelgelner@gmail.com  

You need to realize that you are NOT alone! We are living in extremely challenging times and many people are struggling like you. At the same time many have also recovered and so will you with Hashem's help.
I would like to suggest a few things that can keep you busy, lift your spirits and give you a clearer perspective on these issues.
1- These shiurim are a great source of chizzuk and inspiration theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
2- We suggest that you read this book guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation
3- Review the great tools and recovery info in the GYE Handbook guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/gye-handbook

Keep on posting here and you'll be able to learn how to be able to control the bad desires and live a happy healthy file BE"H. 

welcome. we respect you. we all want to help.  we are in this together.  keep posting and stay connected here.  you will iyh have tremendous success.

vehkam

Hi NSC! Why on earth do you think it's weird?! Anyway, if your weird then you can be like me:) Welcome to our family! I'm pretty new here myself and I definitely feel like all the brothers and brothers in law (thank goodness there are no mothers-in-law) in here all welcomed me, so hey, come on in! As you're posting you might feel bad, because you are verbalizing your struggles, but the feeling that you have someone to share with, that there are people in your struggle with you, that there are people who struggle just like you and they 'get' you, they understand, they are not judging you, they care about you and they want to hear from you. And they want to hear no matter what. So keep posting, we want to hear about you. David offered lots of good advice, I changed my life from talking to HHM, so be prepared for the journey of a lifetime and hop aboard!

Thank you every body for responding I actually do feel good I didn't after I posted I guess than I felt silly but now that you all responded I feel good. Thank you!
I will check out the links you posted.
Some of you wrote I should reach out to hhm I saw many posted about him and I'm sure I will benefit from it but I'm to scared what if he knows me. And even if not I can't see myself emailing a privet person I don't know why I just can't. I wish I could just forgive my father and get on with life but I just can't I have a lot of anger I don't even think it's his fault I was a silly child but he made me feel like a fool whatever it doesn't really come in here but you said I should post my heart out so I'm doing so... Sorry
Does anybody else have there wife crying to them? Like what do you say to her? My heart brakes for her but I can’t help it…

My heart hurts for your pain, my friend.
I was also terrified of reaching out, take it at your pace. But I want you to know that I got a new best friend when I reached out. I will tell some of what I did, You can create a google voice number so even your phone number stays private. You can create a gmail account with a fictitious name. He only has the greatest respect and caring for anybody that reaches out. Remember, he knows that if you're reaching out that means you want to be better. We care for you my friend, keep posting!
I also want you to realize, my friend, that many, many people thought they can't stop and they learned to stop. Keep on posting!

noselfconfidence wrote on 15 Dec 2022 20:27:

great that you are feeling good about posting.  you don't have to rush to talk to HHM.  Its something to do when you are ready.  It took me a few weeks here before i was even able to text anyone.

regarding your father, it is important to separate "fault" from emotional need.  If your emotional needs were not met, it really doesn't matter whether or not anyone was at fault.  It is important for a child to feel safe and accepted.  If you didn't have that it will affect you later in life and is something that is helpful to work through with a professional therapist.  

noselfconfidence wrote on 15 Dec 2022 18:33:

Nothing weird about this post, it's courageous and I definitely don't see anything to laugh about here. Cheer you on maybe! Welcome! (I think my first post was actually weird looking back on it) This is a place where so many have found help and/or aceptance after many years of lacking both. (Like Me!) Hatzlacha!

Eerie wrote on 15 Dec 2022 20:00:

Can we have an honorary rotating Shvigger of the month at GYE?

that's pretty funny, coming from the guy who doesn't have a shvigger yet. Wait, my friend, wait and see.

Eerie wrote on 15 Dec 2022 21:05:

I know many of the jokes... does that count?

Now, now, JTJ. Let's not hijack this thread before it even starts...