And now for some painful posting. BH I'm doing fine, but some revelations are painful. Some are great, though. This is my journey of self-discovery, and I'd like to share with you, my dear brothers, some of the things I've discovered. I will try my best to keep my language refined, as all Yidden should do. But some of the things mentioned are really only for married guys. Please.
So, I had a shmooze with my....wife. My dear rebbe, HHM, told me to. I listened. And I was in for some surprises, some not so pleasant. To give you some background, I wrote in my first post that I am happily married for 10+ years, which BH I am. I also wrote that that includes my intimate life, adding that my wife would say the same. Uh, not terrible, but not quite.
So here's what I did. I had a conversation, I told my wife that we would be absolutely honest and open. Right at the outset my wife blew me out of the water. I, and probably you, too, my dear friends, have been unequivocally hood-winked. Fooled. Duped. We are under the impression, from all we've seen and read, that we must get them to climax. And if we don't get them to, we are losers. We've all seen so much to this effect it needs no proof. And I discovered that it's false. flase. false. It something nice, yes. Is it something they enjoy? Sometimes. Something they need in order to feel the enjoyment of intimacy? Totally not. I'm embarrassed to say it, but my wife of 10+ years told me that it's a pressure she feels, because she got the feeling that if I don't get her there then I feel like I didn't do my job (she was right on about that) so she would try to get there FOR ME. Stupid does not begin to describe what I felt. All these years she has been doing it for me? What?! Guys, take a deep breath and admit it. I hate to say it but we have been fooled by a billion-dollar industry to believe that this is what they enjoy. I asked my wife, and this is what I got. She actually told me that her Kalla teacher taught her as a matter of fact that men enjoy the climax, while women work differently. I could not believe that I'm married these many years and I had no idea. I just believed all the garbage that I never should have seen. I'm still in shock, but these are the facts, my friends. We have created so much pressure for ourselves and our wives, we have digested and accepted all the garbage out there. It is just that. Garbage. Talk to your wife, in an honest way. Not in the bedroom. During the day only. No pressure at all. See what she says. Maybe some women do need it, I don't know. Although I doubt it. I do know that I did not believe I would hear what I heard. This happened yesterday. My friends, I repeat. We've been duped. We can all relax, stop pressuring yourself to get her there, and stop pressuring her! Stop pressuring her! There's is simply no need... She did it for me! I can't get over that part.....
More revelations to come....

And now for some painful posting. BH I'm doing fine, but some revelations are painful. Some are great, though. This is my journey of self-discovery, and I'd like to share with you, my dear brothers, some of the things I've discovered. I will try my best to keep my language refined, as all Yidden should do. But some of the things mentioned are really only for married guys. Please.
So, I had a shmooze with my....wife. My dear rebbe, HHM, told me to. I listened. And I was in for some surprises, some not so pleasant. To give you some background, I wrote in my first post that I am happily married for 10+ years, which BH I am. I also wrote that that includes my intimate life, adding that my wife would say the same. Uh, not terrible, but not quite.
So here's what I did. I had a conversation, I told my wife that we would be absolutely honest and open. Right at the outset my wife blew me out of the water. I, and probably you, too, my dear friends, have been unequivocally hood-winked. Fooled. Duped. We are under the impression, from all we've seen and read, that we must get them to climax. And if we don't get them to, we are losers. We've all seen so much to this effect it needs no proof. And I discovered that it's false. flase. false. It something nice, yes. Is it something they enjoy? Sometimes. Something they need in order to feel the enjoyment of intimacy? Totally not. I'm embarrassed to say it, but my wife of 10+ years told me that it's a pressure she feels, because she got the feeling that if I don't get her there then I feel like I didn't do my job (she was right on about that) so she would try to get there FOR ME. Stupid does not begin to describe what I felt. All these years she has been doing it for me? What?! Guys, take a deep breath and admit it. I hate to say it but we have been fooled by a billion-dollar industry to believe that this is what they enjoy. I asked my wife, and this is what I got. She actually told me that her Kalla teacher taught her as a matter of fact that men enjoy the climax, while women work differently. I could not believe that I'm married these many years and I had no idea. I just believed all the garbage that I never should have seen. I'm still in shock, but these are the facts, my friends. We have created so much pressure for ourselves and our wives, we have digested and accepted all the garbage out there. It is just that. Garbage. Talk to your wife, in an honest way. Not in the bedroom. During the day only. No pressure at all. See what she says. Maybe some women do need it, I don't know. Although I doubt it. I do know that I did not believe I would hear what I heard. This happened yesterday. My friends, I repeat. We've been duped. We can all relax, stop pressuring yourself to get her there, and stop pressuring her! Stop pressuring her! There's is simply no need... She did it for me! I can't get over that part.....
More revelations to come....

I know Yiddish and I still don’t know what komt means can someone please explain I’m like a stikel going crazy

 But some of the things mentioned are really only for married guys. Please.

Eerie wrote on 30 Nov 2022 22:19:

I understand it totally I believe, although I am still a bochur, I have heard this very recently, it is sad that we have been so influenced by the world of money that decided to do such a thing. Anyways back to your point, I think it can be very beneficial if bochurim do hear about this, specificially referinng to the ones that have seen way to much for way too long, because I personally feel that I don't know if I would automaticially be 100% on page a day of a chusen talk this may need to be said before hand. But to my dismay there are lots of rebbeim that would disagree, because it may affect a bochur now just hearing about ti and may think on it etc. So I don't know if someone can help cluur my mind a bit, I don't think it should just be a secret to Baal Baatim/avreichim people, I think also bochurim that have been exposed.

What does the oilam feel?

If i had told my chussen rabbi to what i was exposed to, he at first wouldn't believe me, then wouldn't understand what im tiling about, and if i had explained it to him, he would've died right there and then from a stroke or heart attack.
So make sure to find the right kind of teacher......