eerie wrote on 27 Jun 2025 17:27:

This is such a true point!!

"It's ok to feel uncomfortable. That's life."
"It's ok to feel uncomfortable. That's life."
"It's ok to feel uncomfortable. That's life."
I've got to chazer this over a thousand times.... 

 Thanks for sharing! 

trueme wrote on 27 Jun 2025 20:41:

I appreciate your words. You had a few great points
My friend, there is one point which I think you might have misunderstood, and I'd like to point it out

Before I do, I should thank all my wonderful friends, so many of whom have texted and called to check up on me, the caring and brotherhood is so powerful! Every drop was appreciated, dearest friends
BH the urges have mostly passed, beH veiter

To you, trueme, I want to point out, that BH although it was a few days of urges, I didn't ever consider giving in, and it wasn't a battle. What it was was a physical sensation, a really uncomfortable sensation, where my body wanted something. But I never considered giving it what it wanted. And perhaps that is the way to look at it and treat it. Yes, we will have urges, at 1000 days, at 2000 days, but beH you'll grow stronger and stronger, and those things just won't be an option, and the urges will be just that, urges. Uncomfortable physical sensations. It helps to share challenges, so I did that, but beH it gets easier in a general way as time goes on. Like a great friend here said, look at it like a tooth ache. It's uncomfortable. Nu. Move on.

Dear friends, thanks so much!

eerie wrote on 26 Jun 2025 04:59:

First of all I'm happy the urges are lessening by you. You should stay strong and overcome all your nisyonos and continue to inspire people (myself included).

I dont mean to infer from your words like a ראשון but those words that are in bold are solely referring to the physical urge and not that you wanted to give in? I thought you meant the latter.

When I say that a person should not have confidence I mean to fight the actual nisayon. Confidence would have a place where we are expected to overcome something based on our bechira. This nisayon is different in that the idea is not even to stray after your eyes because the proceeding steps are beyond bechira (It is fascinating that this is an איסור דאורייתא that has an extreme charachter of a דרבנן in that is a double step removed from the איסור. First is the looking, then the heart desires, and finally the כלי מעשה גומרים. This makes sense (In terms of being a דאורייתא) if you learn the next 2 steps after one's eyes straying are beyond fair בחירה. (Although its still not impossible, just not a fair free choice) and its eternally fixed that way, no matter the level of holiness a person has acheived.)
Thats why when the שטן disguised himself as a woman to ר עקיבא (Whom we cannot even fathom his level, obviously) he almost fell.
Thats why ר עמרם חסידא has his story where he had to scream fire and suffer embarrassment in order to save himself.
I believe Rav Shimshon Pinkus learns from the words כי הוא צוה ונבראו which the מדרש says - זו אשה that tayvos nashim is a chok in human nature and our avoda has nothing to do with fighting it. Our avoda is to avoid it.
(I dont think this contradicts the avoda of addicts in any way - although I dont know the 12 steps etc. but it is not about fighting the tayva head on, thats for sure)
In contrast, the desire to steal or be lazy is something that we could fight head on and therefore it makes sense to be confident about it. In terms of lust, I think the only confidence that makes sense is in our avoidance and in special siyata dishmaya if we get stuck.
Obviously - it is a person's responsibility to take the preventative measures (or steps to recovery) and if not he could be deemed liable even though the actual nisayon does not seem to be in the realm of fair בחירה.
I dont think this discussion is just academic. I think it is an important shift in perspective and avoda.