Dearest most wonderful friends, who have changed my life in so many ways, I want to share a song. A song inspired by one of of my newest friends, a beautiful, shining, wonderful neshama, eidel and refined, who has recently started this journey to true and lasting freedom.

(TTTO Al HaTzaddikim)
For years he fought and struggled, just barely survived,
No one knew of his pain and his travails
,He just kept on fighting, kept his hopes alive,
Time and again he tried, but he just failed

Many years passed in this way, he made up his mind,
This is just who I'll be, there's no changing now,
He stoned himself, uncaring, what his life will find,
Ignored his pain so searing, tears not allowed

Al HaTzaddikim, to be righteous and devout,
Is but a dream I cannot realize, I just stumble and fall,
Al HaChassidim, I can't be holy or pure,
Oh, Hashem, you know the burden, that I cannot carry at all

From time to time he thought, perhaps, maybe things have changed,
He let his heart feel some hope and dream,
I think I have my things in place, my life is all arranged,
The future's so bright, so it it seems

Very soon thereafter a challenge would appear,
He'd slip right back  into the endless dark abyss,
Broken, shattered, he would feel, it's like I always feared,
The only life I know, this is what it is

Al HaTzaddikim, to be righteous and devout,
Is but a dream that I cannot realize, I just stumble and fall,
Al HaChassidim, I can't be holy or pure,
Oh, Hashem, you know the burden, that I cannot carry at all

How many times I fell right through, there's no way I can count,
There's no change for me to anticipate,
My destiny is to be this way, there's no help to be found,
Anything or anyone is too little, too late

Then one day an ad he saw, part of him did scorn,
Was there any truth to what it claimed,
But his heart yearned to be free, to grow and be reborn,
And his soul began to fan the hidden flame

Al HaTzaddikim, to be righteous and devout,
Is that a dream that I can realize, or will I stumble and fall?
Al HaChassidim, can I  be holy and pure?
Hashem you know the burden, that I cannot carry it at all

It started with a few short texts, perhaps this was the way,
To talk, it seemed too hard, I'm too ashamed,
Gently cajoling, encouraging, finally came the day,
Strengthened himself, made the call, his neshama was aflame

He listened and he asked, found it hard to share at first,
Would he really care and accept me as I am,
Listening, incredulous, and then the dam did burst,
Tears washed his soul, pristine, as he finally took a stand

Al Hatzaddikim, I can be righteous and devout,
I have friends who will stand by me if I stumble and fall,
Al HaChassidim, Yes I can be holy and pure,
Hashem, you help carry my burden, you  stand right by us all

Al HaTzaddikim, it been a few  weeks since,
A bright new light fills the world, as a neshama starts to soar,
Al HaChassidim, he lets his heart feel the joy,
As he begins his new way journey, growing more and more,

Al HaTzaddikim, I can be righteous and devout,
I took a stand and did my best, Hashem I made that call,
Al HaChassidim, I know You're proud of me,
And I know that I'll continue, you'll be proud of me doing my all


Dearest friends, little compares to the beauty of watching a neshama soar, of seeing a guy in real time discover a whole new world, of watching a beautiful neshama discover that there really is a way to change, that many have already, and watching real hope fill his being, and then he spreads his wings and starts flying. Inspirational doesn't begin to describe it.

Hi dear friends!
Today and yesterday had a few rough spots. Even when I struggled badly, it was rarely with just masturbation, but that has been my struggle the past two days. I know why the last few days were hard, BH for a good reason, but it is pretty tough anyway
As I was, and still am, going through these spots, I realize how much more empathy I should have when guys reach out that they are going through a rough spot. It really is hard!!!
Thank you PY for being there on Friday.
And thank you to all of you for keeping me strong, always!

This post is breathtaking. A guy who's been clean for so long, still can have urges, and he's not afraid to admit it. And I know that you didn't only post it for yourself to get Chizzuk, but for others, to teach us all that  it's okay to have urges from time to time. In no way does this take away from the growth that one has accomplished. To me you are the epitome of selflessness always thinking of others. I will always be grateful for all you've done for me and for all of us.

Greater then מלאכים, are human beings that act like מלאכים.

See the gmara in the end of kidushin. Even the greatest are challenged. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 06 Jan 2025 02:42:

This post bothers me.
Not to say that it's wrong
The vibe rubs me up the wrong way
I'm sure for many its a lifesaver though
It's one of the challenges of a open forum
As someone whose been there and done it [and moved up and on BH] I think I have a zechus to speak.

My message is:
If that post didn't talk to you, feel free to reach out to me and I can share what worked for me

Vehkam wrote on 25 Nov 2022 00:20:


Wow Moreinu R Eerie, I just read through your thread, But this post from your first days on gye blew my mind away! 
You feeling Unsure about yourself and your position, Vehkam and the rest ecouraging you, and of course you getting encouraged to fight on.
Well what could I say ,did vehkam have Ruach Hakodesh, no hes just been where youve been and reached out a helping hand. Now your doing the same for me!
I cried my way through your thread, tears of gratitude that you got saved, now you could be here for me!!!,

As a wise man once said,
With tons of brotherly love,
Cleanmendy

CleanM, you bring back such emotional memories. Vehkam was the first person I spoke to, for over an hour. I didn't even know about Google voice numbers back then, LOL, I called him from my regular number. Yes, it's been a journey. A journey that is not over yet
CM, feelings are mutual

BH today is better, so far. BeH veiter. 

To quote @amevakesh:

So true! While reading your post R' @eerie I was tooken aback and nispol over the honesty you spilled. I can imagine it being hard writing such a thing after helping and mentoring so much of us. Wow!

Wow !  Feels weird giving chizik to the ones who's mechachiz me. Not sure what to say...  at least I'll feel better calling you knowing you could relate to my struggles. 

Dearest friends,
BH the past few days have had times of very strong urges to masturbate.
I don't feel comfortable sharing publicly why it is that way. But I also know that it really makes no difference. This is the story of human being. I didn't choose to have urges. Hashem made me this way. And Hashem made certain things happen. As long as I don't do anything wrong I'm winning., I'm totally at peace with the fact that I have urges and I have to hold back. It's just not an option. Period. The urges don't define me. My choices do. Urges are not a sin. Nor a sickness. And BeH they'll pass. BH they are not constant, but they have been coming and going. 
Friends, full throttle ahead!  

eerie wrote on 27 Jan 2025 06:30:

I like that
is that a superlike of KOMT?

eerie wrote on 27 Jan 2025 06:30:

This is what separates the men from the boys. Mindset of a hero! I wish I could hang these words up in my study to look at and contemplate at all times.

Hi, dear friends!
BH today I'm doing much better. Urges have basically subsided.
I gotta say, when I was posting I was thinking that perhaps there were those that would respect me less for having urges.
But then I reminded myself that those who know the truth, that urges are not something to be ashamed of, that urges are part of being human, that urges are not an aveirah, they will not think less of me. Yes, I am human, and I can have urges. It doesn't mean anything less about me. All I have to do is keep choosing the right thing. And those who haven't yet learned those truths, oh, they'll learn them soon, beH

Hi! It’s my 55th day bh super happy! Totally agree with this that Urges are normal and the only thing we have to do is to keep on taking the right decisions!!
thanks for your chizzuk!

eerie wrote on 27 Jan 2025 19:50:

Just wanna reassure you [and everyone else reading this] than on GYE respect is mutual, independent of where one is holding on their journey. Even during a fall.
GYE is a safe space and we dont judge, or rate,anyone.
We are all beloved children of Hashem EVEN when we succumb to our desires
If you are on GYE it means you care about your life and are doing something positive to improve it and for that you are a HERO