You sent chills up my spine.

Dearest friends, this story broke the camels back and I shared it. Oy, I've been involved lately in a whole bunch of heartrending scenarios. And whatever I know about is the tiny winy bit of what's out there, it's terrible the amount of pain that comes from these actions, the destruction they wrought, and the amount of guilt these guys are carrying around now.

@eerie

If we can look at a positive?

I am not a doctor, but most STIs these days can be cured.
Even HIV is no longer a death sentence.

Of course, this man must tell his wife, and that will be painful.

But once she gets over the shock, and I pray that she does get over it, then there is potential to grow and heal.
Who knows, perhaps her reason for this gilgul is just for this moment?
That in a previous gilgul she had wronged the husband and now she can fix it?
Or perhaps the husband had wronger her in a previous gilgul, and now he can make a rectification by how he handles this?

On your part, I think it vital to keep his spirits up, to not let him get to a place where he might self harm out of guilt.

Colin, very appreciated. I'm guessing you don't know me much, if you've ever caught me making a guy who messed up feel guilty please let me know about it. What I write here is for you and me. Not what I told him.

I'm just not sure what your point is
So, you feel the possibility that he might remain married is called positive? That's called positive?!?!? Growth?!?! of course it is possible that they'll grow. I think we'd all agree that even if we knew that that would happen we'd be mevater on that growth and stay away from these things in the first place. So, is their life for sure over? Possibly not. But there's a real, very real possibility that yes. 
And How large that possibility is at all, I have no idea. I would think pretty slim, given the circumstances

Gilgulim? Way above my pay grade. My friend, it's just seriously out of place. A guy, his wife, his kids, etc. are going through hell, and you don't feel like crying? Everything is fine and dandy based on sketchy things about earlier incarnations?!?! My friend, when a man and wife get divorced, the mizbeach cries. When a family goes through hell, you should be crying. And praying for the mabul of tumah that engulfs this world to come to an end.

This is what happens when people are blinded by toxic positivity.

colincolin wrote on 05 Jan 2025 20:40:

Will she?

Bennyh wrote on 05 Jan 2025 22:20:

Well said.  Guys have to know there are real repercussions. STD's, threats of heavy monetary extortion, being physically damaged by the "partner", and/or the marriage dissolving - these things really happen rach"l. Maybe, after the fact, when it's too late, our job is to help pick up the pieces and salvage whatever possible, but it behooves us to educate people early on, that in addition to grave issurim, this stuff is serious business.

what the living heck am i missing here? what happened? 

chancy wrote on 06 Jan 2025 16:58:

Forgive me, but I removed the story that I posted. bottom line is that the guy acted out, and now faces the prospect of his life entirely falling apart

His life and his families lives

eerie wrote on 06 Jan 2025 17:21:

We MUST get an update to this story! 

odyossefchai wrote on 07 Jan 2025 04:47:

Respectfully i would like to disagree. Eerie didn’t post this to be sensationalist,and in fact took it down. The point was to highlight the consequences our actions face ( and maybe to get it off his chest?) Most people love a juicy hock story including me, but usually it’s not coming from the right place..at least by me, you may very well be different. These stories often have a bitter ending, and even the ones with a positive outcome, will be through a journey of pain to get there. Let’s just continue to help each other when possible , and certainly daven for each other. I’m sorry if i’m being negative,  I recently had a close friend go through a similar situation (Guessing because i didn’t catch the details prior to it being removed)and it’s very sad.

odyossefchai wrote on 07 Jan 2025 04:47:

In case anyone missed this tidbit, we're talking about an actual person's life, not a story.
So probably some tefilos would be appropriate, instead of waiting for the next chapter in the serial.

I definitely didn't look to create sensation. I wanted to share the heartbreak, in real time, as it was happening. I did feel the need to remove the details, but the bottom line is that we all gotta wake up. There are real, devastating consequences for actions. One special friend here texted me that he managed to convince a guy that was about to walk into a club to turn around, and part of what he told him was this story
On the other hand, I don't think the people asking for an update are wrong. Their hearts were touched, they are shaken by the prospect of a whole family's life being upended. And they would want to hear if things ended well. And I will beH update the oilam.
And yes, Tzaddikvikam, we should all be davening and begging Hashem to end the mabul of tumah and tayva that has already cost Klal Yisroel so many korbonos. 

A few months back the outcome of a similar story, despite the involvement of a very wise and distinguished rav, and some passionate askanim,  was unfortunately a get, and a family torn apart. Although that situation may have been different due to serious pre-existing shalom bayis issues (so there was not a solid happy healthy home to rely on when the earthquake struck), just imagine the shock and anger a wife experienced when she was rach"l diagnosed with a disease that can only mean her husband had relations with someone else. It is incumbent on us to get the word out that there are serious repercussions for our behaviors in this area. The slope is very slippery. Just watching, just chatting, just going to look...Hashem yerachem.

In addition to this particular horrible outcome, the amount of people that were unknowingly videoed in embarrassing locations (or worse - without being clothed.....) and were then approached by "the boss" threatening to publicize those clips unless heavy payment is made is very high. Other trusting fellows were beaten up or damaged in their private parts by their new "friend" and her accomplices. 

May Hashem flood the world with a ruach of da'as and tahara that will erase all interest in this garbage. In the meantime, we have to pull all the struggling guys back from the cliff's edge.