Truly amazing and prefect news to head into Shabbos! 

Eerie wrote on 10 Mar 2023 20:06:

you express your emotions and feelings so beautifully.  it is amazing to be alive.  Having to live with secrets was never really living.  Your friendship has been incredibly helpful for me.  Thank you for helping me through some personal tough times. knowing that someone really cares makes everything that much easier....

Hi my dear friends and brothers, comrades at GYE! I want to share something that happened to me on Friday. I posted that it was day 200. I really hope I didn't make an ayin hara or something, it almost turned into day 1. I felt like I was nuts or something. Here I was posting, and literally crying as I typed, how close I felt, how thankful I was to Hashem for everything. A little while later I was on Amazon, buying something, and the next thing I know I was searching something inappropriate. BH my filter stopped it from coming through. But I felt so stupid. I could not believe it, here I was so high, how could I fall so low? I have not tried to find anything of the sort in months, and davka now, when I'm feeling that all this is behind me, now I'm doing this? I was reminded of the vort that many say, why do we lein the parsha of arayos Yom Kippur by mincha, on the holiest day, at a time that we are feeling so close to Hashem, now is the time to talk about such lowly things? So they answer that the lesson is that we have to remember that even at the highest and holiest moments in our lives we still have a YH. I thought of how appropriate that vort was to me at that moment, but I was still very disturbed at my behavior. All  of a sudden all the euphoria, all the good feeling of reaching a milestone, it was gone. Poof, in one second it disappeared. I was so upset and down. I texted HHM right away, as to ensure my accountability, but I did not get to talk to him or to any GYE friend before Shabbos. And I came into Shabbos very down. 
As I was davening Kabbols Shabbos I thought to myself, "Eerie, a few hours ago you were looking forward to having a Shabbos on a high. You felt so good, so pure. So what do you think, the YH was just gonna let that happen? So he got you to search for something wrong, so now you didn't have 200 days? Is there nothing to celebrate? What really changed? Nothing! He wants you just to feel down and stupid so you won't celebrate your accomplishments! What happened already? You became aware that the YH did not drop you as a candidate. Ok. Is that something to drop the Shabbos for? Don't let him in! Don't focus on the slip that you had, focus on the good, on the way you have come, and thank Hashem for your filter!" It was not easy, dear friends. It is much easier to give chizuk to others than to give yourself chizuk. אין חבוש מתיר עצמו. I tried very hard. Most of Shabbos I was successful in focusing on the positive, BH. But it was a constant battle not to feel like a failure.
And I learned: 1-Thank Hashem for filters. 2-I still have a YH that can take me for a loop.
Dear brothers, I can still use chizuk, and thank you so much for all you guys do for me

I absolutely love reading your posts. They come across with honesty and true sincerity. I think it is important for all of us to see these accounts and to realize that whether it 2, 20, 200 or even 2000 days we need to use whatever self-defense weapons are available in this fight and struggle with the YH in this area. I am just getting started but based on my limited experience it is clear to me that GYE helps add a layer to these weapons and shields that at times seems too heavy to hold on our own. In the spirit of Purim, I think of this as our personal battle with Amalek. As we lained on Purim morning, even Moshe Rabbeinu needed the help of Aharon and Chur in the war with Amalek.  We can certainly use help in our battle.

My dear friend, you just came on and you are already such an inspiration! I am so inspired from watching you climb! And thank you so much, every word of chizuk really helps me. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate it. Every word is a balm on my soul. We are blessed to have you in our family!

Eerie wrote on 12 Mar 2023 20:15:

Every word of this! Exactly the right approach. I always catch myself when I start feeling complacent because I KNOW the YH is right around the corner. Vigilance is always needed.

And כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול הימנו so I can't IMAGINE how massive EERIE'S YH is... 

Hashem should continue to be by your side becauדe אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו...

Bennyh wrote on 12 Mar 2023 22:23:

Very funny!
Thank you, my friend. Keep posting all your beautiful thoughts!

Thank you to all my dear friends for all your warm words! החייתני! Thank you for those who posted words of chizuk, thank you for those who reached out privately. I really appreciate the friendship, and the chizuk it has to offer! You should all be gebentched. Looking forward to beH keep trucking together for many more years!

I'm not sure if I should share this, I hate sharing negative things, but I feel it is important. I think the YH tested me from a new angle, and I want the people here to know that such a thing exists. I was emailed yesterday by a person claiming to be a woman, who started the conversation that she just found my email on her husband's computer, and she discovered that he's struggling. I'm not going to go into the details, but it is clear to me that this person, maybe female, maybe male, was looking for trouble, not help. Rabboisai, my dear friends, we are trying to run away from the YH, but the YH WILL run after us! We must remain vigilant! There are all types of people, and some of the types we'd rather not meet come here. We must protect ourselves! If you get suspicious emails, contact a safe friend right away so that someone else knows what is going on. And I believe you can set up that emails should be blocked from specific email addresses. Protect yourselves! If you have different ideas on how to protect yourself from such things, please post
I would like to add, I reached out to Cordnoy to ask whether I should post this, it turns out that this person tried joining GYE, and was stopped from doing so by Cordnoy. I don't know how he realized that this person is up to no good, but I am very grateful that we have people here watching out for us and doing their best that we remain safe. So thank you dear moderators!

Eerie wrote on 13 Mar 2023 19:20:

The Gemara tells us, “Yitzro shel adam misgaber alav b’chol yom – A person’s evil inclination prevails upon him every day” (Kiddushin 30b). Therefore, “l’olam yargiz adam yetzer tov al yetzer hara – a person should always excite and engage his yetzer tov against his yetzer hara” (Berachos 3a). It’s a perennial battle that demands constant attention. If we are not engaged in struggle, we’ve already lost.
Some people think: "I'm already in a good place, I don't need to be vigilant anymore".  While this day can sometimes last a while, if we're complacent, it's just a matter of time before we get caught off guard.
We can increase our efforts from both ends – powering our yetzer tov more and fueling our yetzer hara less. The end result will be increased success in the most important battle of our lives.

Wow!
Hashem, please don’t test me like you tested Rabbi Eerie… I can’t even think about it! Please don’t. 
You have grown tremendously! I hope you can see that, because we all can!

When you reached the highest point you’ve ever reached, there is a new and even more deviously clever YH waiting for you there. 

chazak ubaruch it means you’ve reached the next level. 

not sure if you ever played classic video games or arcade games, but even if you’re fighting the same boss at the higher level, it is always more difficult

‏והמבין יבין

also I am curious - you, Eerie, are an educator. There are many other educators on this site. Do you have such a special opportunity to give strength to students who may be struggling in this area. Has this opportunity ever come up, and if so, what have you done when it has,?

Eerie wrote on 13 Mar 2023 19:20:

Hey Eerie, thanks for sharing, BH you are doing as well now they run to you from ways never even imagined, scary but such a reality exists. Hatzlacha!

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 26 Mar 2023 13:56:

Hi! Great question. No, such an opportunity has not arisen yet, besides for one exception. But being here has given me much insight in ways of how to be proactive in educating our children, beH. It has also shifted my whole way of viewing people in general, I used to be much more negative and judgmental, and this journey has changed me a lot.

Eerie wrote on 26 Mar 2023 19:04:

Eerie negative and judgemental?!
Hard to imagine!