To my dear friend Vehkam, I'm jealous. I read a lot of your thread yesterday, and that was the impetus for my yesterday's post. What you wrote here just blew me away. I needed the tissues, like our friend TG. The thought that you wrote so eloquently, that your motivation to stay strong is your relationship with Hashem, that's the thought you shared in our first conversation. It still resonates in my mind. We all know that so many people diet, lose weight, they behave, and then they just bust, binge eating anything in sight. Why is that? I recall seeing from Rav Dessler that desire is like a spring. The tighter and harder we push the spring down the more force we give it. And the harder it becomes to keep holding. That's why at a certain point we just plotz. So the question is, can we never just hold back our desire? Rav Dessler writes that the correct way is to find the desire within ourselves, the happiness within our hearts to be this way. If a person diets with will power, he really desires all that stuff but he holds back, if he does not find the happiness, the true desire, to be this way, the counter balance to his desire to eat, then he is in danger of slipping and binge eating. Dieting is a mashal. I look at you, my dear friend and inspiration, and I see that you discovered that the way to succeed in this journey is not through withholding desire. No, withholding desire only lasts that long. Rather the way to success here is through finding your innate desire, through building on that desire, to turn your desire to connect to Hashem into a roaring flame that will outweigh any other desire you might have. And that makes me jealous, because I want it too.
The practical takeaway that I have from your beautiful piece is that this subject- like any in Judaism, I guess- is hard work, and even if I would love a shortcut, there ain't none comin'. I'm gonna have to roll up my sleeves and get to work if I want it happen. It's back to basics. If this is what I want I will need to work constantly, step by step. The greatest difficulty I think I have with it is that we don't see Hashem. We don't process His presence through any of our senses. So, to counter that, we need:
(1)Spend time thinking about the truth of Hashem's presence in my life and in the running of the entire universe. I think on a practical level the best way to make that happen is to follow Rabbi Miller's idea of confining it to a minute a day. I will Bl"n spend one minute a day contemplating Hashem's presence, including how His presence is obvious through the myriad of miracles that take place every single day.
(2)Work on love of Hashem. How? The rambam says through thinking about the unbelievable world that Hashem created. (Yesodei haTorah perek 2-"When a person will think about the endless wisdom with which Hashem created the world he will immediately love, praise and have a great desire to know Hashem"). He created it all for us, for me, for you, for every Jew. The Chinuch says the way to love Hashem is through learning Torah. So, I guess I should learn more Torah. And spend a minute each day thinking of Hashem's beautiful world and how He made miraculous things. Thinking of all the wonderful things Hashem has done for me will definitely remind me how much He loves me, which will increase my love for Him.
(3) Pick only one small piece of davening to concentrate on for this month. Next month pick a different piece.
I was wondering, maybe every day I should post a small piece, something about Hashem's wondrous world, which will remind me to think about Him, to connect to Him, to think about His love for us and our love for Him. What does the oilam think?

If I quoted that it'd take up waaay too much room and I have nothing to add that I can express nearly as well as that. Beautiful

I am a simple addict.
With the years and with the people I spoke, I found out that almost everybody has its struggles.
Some just manage to hide it very well. 

As long as we are willing to realize that we have issues and we work on them, it's ok if we hide them from others. Yes, we all have struggles, even truly great people have a YH to contend with, and it is proper that they not reveal their struggles to the public. It is also proper that all of us not reveal our struggles outside of a context of anonymity or seeking help. אשרי...כסוי חטאה. We just have to be aware of our issues, and those great people have to be aware of theirs, and we have to doing what we can to become better. Hatzlacha to all!

doingtshuva wrote on 29 Dec 2022 22:51:

Life's like super Mario bros. If there's nothing that can get you out, there's no point in the game. 

Eerie wrote on 29 Dec 2022 23:26:

I believe its very important we share our challenges, struggle and ups and downs with people whom we want to feel closer to. Even without seeking their help, and it should dafka be non anonymous. Intimacy is built off vulnerability. The less we share, the less intimate our relationships. This doesn't mean we should over-share, and announce publicly about our desires. This also doesn't mean we have to share and get into the actions we have done, caused by our challenges. But sharing our desires, feelings and challenges? That is the exact thing that makes us feel safer, trusting, more connected, and at peace.   On the contrary, not sharing will harm us in our relationships.  Also, the pasuk from Tehillim translates as follows L'fi Rashi,   

First the passuk - לְדָוִ֗ד מַ֫שְׂכִּ֥יל אַשְׁרֵ֥י נְֽשׂוּי־פֶּ֗שַׁע כְּס֣וּי חֲטָאָֽה׃     
-Of David. A maskil. Happy is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered over.

Rashis' explanation, 
"Praiseworthy is he whose transgression is forgiven"-Whose transgression the Holy One, Blessed Be He, forgives, and He conceals his sins." 
Rashi explains, "כְּס֣וּי חֲטָאָֽה׃" is referring to Hashem covering them over. 

Human being wrote on 30 Dec 2022 19:09:

see here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin?limit=15&start=885#282644

and further in the thread.

The gemara states clearly in Yoma 86b that the passuk teaches us not to reveal our sins to others. Yes, when we reveal the intimate details of our lives with others that brings a closeness, but chazal also say אל תרבה שיחה עם האשה, אפילו באשתו אמרו. One of the pshatim is that one should not tell his wife of his downfalls. Like I wrote in my earlier post, sometimes it is necessary and helpful to tell people what you struggle with, I did so and it helped me tremendously. Sometimes even with our wives, but I will not go there now. But outside of the context of getting help or anonymity isn't the thing to do. 
I will add, I have thought a lot about some of the arguments that got a little heated here in the past, and I would like to share my thoughts. Respecting someone's opinion means we don't have to keep repeating and proving our point until they agree. We may and will disagree. But perhaps we should keep the following things in mind.
A) Never use terms or words that are hurtful. Never put down anyone, by saying or hinting that they are deficient in any which way that makes them incapable of having an opinion
B ) Keep it cool. take a deep breath. The world is not coming to an end because of someone's post or disagreement with us
C) If a question is posed by someone, and we answer, with some of us answering one way and some differently, it is not necessary to argue at all. We may respectfully ask someone why they wrote something, but it is probably better not to. If we do, whatever they answer ends the discussion. Don't argue continuously.
D) If someone writes something, we may disagree, and we may write it. If someone argues with something that we have written and we feel like we can clarify and add something, we should limit ourselves to one answer. No continuing to bring proofs etc.
E) I would add that if we feel the need to express our opinion in more detail, but we don't want to make a whole fuss, just start your own thread.
Thank you dear holy brothers for allowing me to join your special family!

Thanks, cords, for the מראה מקומות! It seems like we are in agreement, just wondering if that is an indication of something wrong on my side of things...

cordnoy wrote on 30 Dec 2022 19:27:

i truly do not have time, but i said i would, so i will simply write short:
There are seforim that compile these mareh mekomos:

1. Yuma 86b says not to publicize one's sin in public, for that will decrease the kevod shamayim.
2. chachmas shlomo 607 says that there are times on account of the obligation of tesdhuvah and viduy that one must reveal his sin, and on the contrary, if he doesn't, he hasn't fulfilled his obligation.
3. there might be a proof that one can tell another his sins in order to guide the other on the path of teshuvah. the explanation might be based on rashi who explains the prohibition as it is an indicator that he is not ashamed; if, however, he is doing it for the other to repent - that would not apply. [Nesivos on eichah palgei mayim 1:18; beis halevi vayera]
4. Tiferes Yisroel 4:21 writes that the kohen gadol can confess with a loud voice, and some explain that it is permitted for that is the nusach of the viduy.
5. Question: How can one bring a female goat as a chatas, for everyone will realize that he has sinned?
6. Reb Shlomo Kluger says that it would be preferable to bring a different animal as a chatas, where people will not realize that he sinned.
7. netziv cites Reb Refoel hamburger that on the contrary! If he brings a female goat, all of his sins will be forgiven, for he is even more ashamed.
8. Reb Elyashiv asks this question and he answers that this prohibition doesn't apply by an unintentional sin.
9. Magen Avraham says it applies even on a shogeg.
10. From the Rambam it seems that the prohibition is only if he specifies the exact sin.
11. Panim Meiros says this entire prohibition does not apply by a korban.

I don't see these 'mareh mekomos' fitting with what you are saying @Eirie     Not one of them tells us not to share our challenges with others.
These marie mekomos teach us that we should not share     A) in Public or B ) our avieros.   It doesn't say anywhere we shouldn't share our challenges. That would be very harmful and very not recommended in fact.   Once again this goes back to the same old thing that we talk about here 10 times a day. Feelings/challenges/struggles aren't actions. They arent avieros. There's no problem sharing them. We can share with someone that "I have a big challenge online" without telling them "btw, 2 days ago when i was shopping for pencils online, i........" 

Hi there, all my holy brothers! I was thinking a lot lately about the whole discussion of creating a connection to Hashem in our lives, and I realized something simple. The end game of this world is to reach the bliss of the coming world. What is that bliss? The Ramchal says, and really we say it in the teffila, צדיקים יושבים ונהנים מזיו השכינה. That means that the bliss that we are working towards is to be connected to Hashem. It would seem to follow that the more we work on connecting to Him in this world, the stronger and greater our connection to Him will be in the next world. The Zohar says that the 613 Mitzvoz are 613 ideas of how to become דבק בהשם, aka how to create a working thriving relationship with Him. Creating a a relationship with Hashem is not another nice thing, it is the underlying idea of everything we do. But what should we do if living with this truth is hard? So from my friend Vehkam I learned that you have to work hard, that's all. But I would add a piece of advice a friend gave me when I was dating. Before I went out the first time a friend told me "don't worry if there are quiet moments. Don't panic. It's ok if a minute goes by and you both don't have what to say". When I went out, and that moment came, I was calm. The panic to fill that moment could lead to saying stupid things, but I was calm. I waited until I had something normal to say, and we moved on. (We got married, BTW) Yes, we are working on becoming close to Hashem, like every relationship: take it slow. Build it. Part by part. And don't panic if you don't feel close to Hashem! Remember, whether you feel Him or not, He is there. We can work at it, think about Him a minute a day. Talk to Him in your own words for one minute a day, not more. Slowly we'll build up that relationship. The Zohar says that when the passuk says וירא את המקום מרחוק by the Akeida, the word Hamakom refers to Hashem. We know that the akeida is the thing that we are so busy with, it's the zechus we live by. We ask Hashem constantly to remember for us the akeida. The akeida lives on forever and ever. How did Avraham know that he was at the spot for the akeida? When he saw 'Hamakom', when he saw Hashem, מרחוק. When he saw that the Shechina was far away, he knew this was it. Here he can make a difference for all eternity. When we feel that Hashem is far away, don't panic. This is it. This is the place that you and I can make a serious difference for ourselves and for all of our offspring forever. Do what you know is right even if you don't 'feel' it. Think of the things Hashem has done for you, how He has led you and cared for you from the day you were born. How He loves you endlessly. And slowly, we'll build a relationship that lasts.
Keep trucking, my holy brothers!

Wow you brought down lots of stuff in this short post. 
This is a huge Sugya which we can delve in another time. 
I think relevent to our case here, its plain that if it helps you from sinning and you are not using it to boast but rather to seek guidence, there is not Halachik authority that will tell you that you cant do it. 

Eerie wrote on 30 Dec 2022 19:42:

I think this post is a wonderful blueprint for the future. But I have to suggest something too. I think there is a danger when people post their religious opinions as facts and "halacha lemiasa for everyone" without bringing a source, or a disclaimer that this is my belief and not everyone's belief. Many of us don't have enough knowledge to understand that there are countless viewpoints to the topic being discussed and people reading could be given very unhealthy information for themselves that they believe they they should do either way because that's what Hashem wants. The risk is especially high with those of us we know to be highly respectable and inspiring.  That being said, what is your opinion? 

So I'm going to commit to your blueprint. I like it a lot and i think its only appropriate, but maybe not with the specific example i gave above. 
Btw you post everything in such a nice way. Always warmly and lovingly, and always on the ball. So thanks for typing it up and giving me a blueprint.  I'm going to start my own thread for when i want to argue on guys. That way if someone wants to argue, they can come right over to my thread instead of having it in their face. I'm going to try at least, Go me go, go me go

Human being wrote on 05 Jan 2023 21:19:

Great point, my friend! I think that it is a good idea for people that teach Torah to clearly give the sources for their teachings. It gives clarity and context to the listener. I want to point something out. When you write "those of us we know to be highly respectable and inspiring", the key word is "know". When reading anything on this site, even if the posts seem very thought out and intelligent, and even if the person seems respectable, do you KNOW that they are upstanding, respectable people? If you don't know it for a fact, don't assume anything