Hey, your feelings are completely normal. Most of us joined GYE very skeptically. Tried everything already, and this is my life. Well here guys learn to change the script b'ezras Hashem. Join the successfull chevra here. Stay connected buddy.

Bein hazmanim starts for me in around a week and a half, and I’m going home IYH. At home there is an unfiltered device and it is a major struggle for me to not P&M multiple times a day. 

Luckily I did hear some inspirational words today that I’d like to share from my Rebbi about Teshuva in general (I think it’s from Shaarei Teshuva). He said for sins that one is accustomed to doing, the first step in Teshuva is not to feel charata, regret, but to “STOP THE SIN”. It’s impossible to feel charata for something one does so frequently before “stopping the sin”. He (I think the Shaarei Teshuva) compares it to holding onto a sheretz when going into the Mikva. Going into the Mikva with it in ur hands won’t make u tahor, so you have to first let go of the sheretz (ie. Stop the sin) before becoming tahor (having charata).

On a separate note, is there anyone I can email on a consistent basis about these issues of P&M? I’d really Appreciate the personal support. Thx in advance

Koshereyes wrote on 29 Mar 2022 21:33:

You can email me any time at ahavayirah@gmail.com and I'll try to reply as soon as I can. You'll have a Bein hazmanim as never before with Hashem's help... 

Hey, I did something really stupid yesterday, but it led me to something great. Let me explain.

I have a device filtered by my Rebbi, and there was one loophole which I always knew about but I never used. It’s been around 6 months of me not using that loophole, but yesterday I finally used it. I got my phone to start fresh so there were no restrictions and I then went to do my business (ie P&M). It’s been a while since I’ve been able to watch a P video (I’ve been limited to pics only in the last few months, so I was itching to watch. Well, I finally did watch videos and it made me feel something amazing. I felt for the first time that I ACTUALLY want to quit P&M for good.

I don’t know why I feel this way or why this happened only now, after so many years of P&M, but I’m glad I feel it. 

I originally went on GYE because I saw an advert on YWN and I felt it would be good for me because I know Hashem doesn’t want me P&Ming (yes, it’s a verb now). However, I never really felt the way I do now. Apparently just knowing that Hashem doesn’t like me P&Ming isn’t a good enough reason for me to actually want to stop. It had to come from an internal feeling of how worthless P&M is and how it’s destroying my life. Now, I’m not gonna say that I’m fully, 100% ready to completely quit, because that would be lying to myself. I still have a really strong desire for P. I just have to ask myself each time if it’s worth it.

Koshereyes wrote on 01 Apr 2022 13:18:

Excellent. This is a fantastic step in the right direction. What will likely be your next difficultly is to to remember that you wrote these words the next time your taiva hits you. Therefore, you have to prepared ahead of time. What will you do when the taiva hits in order to remember that you actually don't want to cave to the taivos? What's your plan? Where will you go? Who will you call? How will you distract yourself and redirect the energy? Planning ahead is KEY.

We're here for you!

Maybe you could record yourself 30 seconds on your phone talking about how you feel now and your determination, and then listen to it every day as a reminder of your emotions.
(Obviously in addition to planning.)

Captain wrote on 01 Apr 2022 17:54:

Awesome IDEA!! 

Hey everyone, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted but better late than never. 

Right now I’m near the end of the yeshiva year and I’m doing good (I think 57 days!) BH. I do have a struggle that I know is coming up and that is camp. I’m gonna be a counselor this year for a day camp and then I have the rest of the day to do whatever I want. I have a way of getting an unblocked smartphone relatively easily. You all know that this means. I’m scared that I’m gonna spend the whole summer just watching p and m every night, 2-3 times:(. This is obviously not ideal. I don’t know what to do for this summer. Maybe I need chizuk but I don’t think that will help so much. Maybe I need to make a kabala, but I’ll probably break it. Maybe I need a accountability partner. That will for sure help the most but it still won’t completely stop me. 

I know when I get out of yeshiva that I’ll get a phone with webchaver or something like that, but there’s nothing stopping me from buying a second phone. I’m honestly worried about my future and I don’t see a way out rn.  Help me

I don’t want any cheesy answers either, only serious, real, working solutions

You need to be busy. Set up chavrusos for after camp.
Set up an exercise regimen. Try to set things up so that you won't be alone. And certainly not alone with a smartphone.
Set a learning goal for the summer.

Don't worry about your future. For now, just focus on setting up an environment for yourself to succeed. And if you are faced with a nisayon during the summer, take it one day at a time.

I hope something from the above helps you.

here is a suggestion. it is not directly related to p&m. hopefully you will get some other good suggestions that relate directly to that.

find one or two things to do this summer that will give you a sense of accomplishment in ruchniyos. it does not matter what they are, but it needs to be a commitment to do every day. Don't judge your level of ruchniyos by whether or not you fall in relation to p&m.

Give yourself something else solid to turn to and say, "wow, i really stuck with this and accomplished over the entire summer" hopefully you will be able to avoid p&m too, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. (meaning if ch'v you are nichshal, this can help avoid a downward spiral)


Also, the more you can build yourself up and feel accomplished in other areas, the better chance you have of creating a resistance within yourself for things that have been a struggle until now.

let me know where this falls on the "cheese" meter!

@yechielmichel I loved every sentence of that.

In theory, it could work, but in practice I’m not sure that any hobby (exercise, learning, etc.) will stop me. Those hobbies are done during daylight hours or have some healthy time  limit. I can’t learn for 6 hours after camp. Even if I do I still have another hour or so to do whatever and that’ll lead to p and m undoubtedly.

In general I have a hard time connecting with people and I generally spend all my time alone. I’m working on that, but that’s where I’m at currently. Just like when ur buying new clothes, you buy them to fit you now, so too I have to work with my current self (ie. the size that fits me now) for camp. I find it really hard to talk to people and spend time around people. So trying not to be alone won’t work either.
What I need is someone to talk to and I can’t do that in person so I need to do it over the phone, anonymously. Anyone up to that?

Hopefully your going with a good group of guys that you can hang out with after camp.

A good idea is to connect with family and friends...when you have some down time try to call a sibling or your parents. Share how your day went ect ect

Perhaps a nice combo of
A-a properly filtered device
B- nightly accountability
C-a contract or taphsic that you will not go on an unfiltered device except under specific conditions.


BH I've seen alot of hatzlocha personally with this method.





(I'm more than happy to talk over the phone (almost) anytime. Ill pm you)

Hi, thank you for reaching out, sharing, and inspiring me!

to clarify, are you not motivated enough that you think the summer will go not great in regards to bring clean, or you are motivated but trying to be realistic?

If the issue is motivation, here are some points.
Somewhere out there is your (future) wife. Your souls are one. Whenever you overcome temptation, it lifts her up higher. If chas veShalom you fall, who knows what that does to her? What kind of situation is she getting into?

If you fall, who knows what negative impact it can have on the rest of the world? And on the contrary side, when you control yourself, you can be saving lives! I think much healthier to focus on the positive side! I don't know if i will ever stop feeling guilty from the thought i have that some horrible things happened due to my bad behaviour in shemiras einayim

Also, maybe set some goals for example to learn or review something in Torah, Talmud etc. That will give you something good to focus on mentally, emotionally, and time wise.