I was thinking that the reason the Torah has to say that isha yifas tohar is mutar is because it's assur in *our* minds. She's a captive and we are nice people and wouldn't force a girl, and the reason we want it is precisely because it's BAD. So Hashem in His infinite wisdom made it mutar because knowing it's called mutar gives our minds a fighting chance.

It also goes to show that there are limits to what anybody can handle. I think internet p. should be in the same category. We can't call it mutar, and we would still internally rule that it's assur anyway, but it's right up there.

Hey bro,
You're going through an incredible rough patch. It's withdrawal. I've been there a few times. Do some excersize and mainly hold on tight and cry. Then cry some more. You"ll be done with it at around 30 days. 
You wrote that The root cause of the addiction *today* is that that feeling is ***wonderful*** to me.
"Wonderful" isn't a feeling. Maybe p*** makes you feel an imaginatory love feeling or an imaginatory safe feeling etc;
Name your feeling and find a more practical and long-lasting solution, rather than feed your addiction.
Caring for you

ARF wrote on 18 Oct 2021 06:50:

I hadn't thought about a name for the feeing. How did the pharaoh feel when he was worshipped? I would say liberating.

I think I have steps 1 and 2 down, but I honestly don't know if I'll get past step 3. I hope my sponsor will be able to get it through my hard heart. I don't know what I'll do otherwise.

I give up on explaining the concept of acting in a way which puts the lie to my beliefs.

I hope somehow I internalize the idea that a great advantage of no longer being God myself is that I can set down everybody else's problems, including my babies' that I can't take care of any more.

your thoughts are very inspiring keep it coming about your third step, this is a growth process not something that should be done in one minute, you just need to say the third step prayer and work the rest of the steps and you will be fine.

im also struggling with my second step as i have a lot of visions about god that come from viewing my dad as a god but i went forward and hope one day i will be able to understand that god can make me serein, im stuck on step 11 as im going through a lot of emotional issues and its more important for me to focus on my healing as long as i still do step 10 when i feel needed.

if you attend live sa meetings then ask your sponsor about their is a drive shared only those who attend live meetings and their is a speaker called Saturday Morning Live - Sandy B its great on third step 

I do think that overcoming some worrying is important, or at least resolve to always get up and let my Higher Power have the driver seat when I can tell that I'm worried. But I'm grateful for your insightful post.

Sleep hasn't been peaceful since I was thrown out of the house, but now I'm thanking God for my sleep and I'm starting to believe that maybe it's difficult sleep for a beneficial reason, Hashem has my brain working double duty at night because it's a time when He's definitely in charge of it and can heal it fast. So I figure if I just let Him work some day I'll wake up and be happy that I woke up.

Today my anger flared internally and I wanted to hit someone with a steel bar. I started picturing all sorts of ways that I would express my self-righteous anger.

I finally remembered that I'm supposed to surrender these things, and that this is just my addiction looking for a way to feel like I'm God myself.

I surrendered it mentally. I also thought that part of making a decision to entrust my life to my Higher Power is to let Him look after me in ways which I may never understand or even become aware, including things that involve other people.

Even if there are people in my life who are narcissistic, controlling, mean, insecure, powerful, dangerous, manipulative or whatever - even when they really are who I think they are - I still have to put my Higher Power in the driver seat.

Then the anger was gone.

It will be a long slog.

i bought a anger release ball and i use it when i feel the anger.

dr. tewersky said people use a saying of the gamara כל הכועס כאילו עובד עבודה זרה one who gets angry is like he bows to the ...

so he said their is no such a gamara just their is a gamara כל  השובר כלים בחמתו כאילו עובד עבודה זרה 

you are allowed to be angry just you need to release it in the right way, you can take an axe and chop a few trees etc. as long as you dont hurt anybody its just a good exercise 

​you will feel batter afterword's their is also anger rooms that made to realse anger its very health and good i never used one, my sponsor told me that if i want to go i need to take somebody along in order not to get into depression and pain and be alone

after releasing the anger its normal that other bad feelings come out so take good care on yourself and share at the meetings and you will be all fine after a while, i have no idea how but god knows what he is doing and you are on a journey to get to the ultimate best place for yourself and this is where you will feel fulfilled and happy joyous free  

The Zohar (Vol. 2, 89b) teaches, “Gehinnom has no control over the world on Shabbos.” This means that Shabbos is a day of peace and rest even for the deceased condemned to suffering in Gehinnom. They, too, are given a respite one day a week, on Shabbos. The Zohar proceeds to discuss the verse, “Do not kindle a fire in any of your residences on the day of Shabbos” (Shemos 35:3). The Gemara (Shabbos 70b) raises the question of why the Torah singles out the prohibition against kindling fire on Shabbos from among all thirty-nine melachos (forbidden activities) of Shabbos. The Zohar answers this question by explaining that the fires we kindle here on earth correspond to the fires of Gehinnom. By refraining from kindling fire on Shabbos, we keep Gehinnom “turned off” and ensure that the souls in Gehinnom are given their weekly respite, and this is the meaning of the Torah’s warning to avoid lighting fires on Shabbos.

Furthermore, the Zohar continues, this pasuk forbids lighting fires on Shabbos afilu b’gufa — “even in one’s body,” referring to anger. When a person gets angry, he kindles the fire of Gehinnom within him. Indeed, the Ramban writes in his famous letter (Iggeres HaRamban) that when a person becomes angry, “all types of Gehinnom control him.” And thus on Shabbos, when we are to refrain from kindling all types of fire, we must also exercise special care to avoid kindling fire through anger. Part of our observance of Shabbos is to avoid becoming upset and angry, and to remain calm and composed.

What might be the reason for this obligation? What does avoiding anger have to do with Shabbos?


Shabbos observance serves to reinforce our emunah, our faith that Hashem controls the world, and a person who becomes angry over something that occurred demonstrates that he regards himself as the one who controls events. Indeed, the Gemara (Shabbos 105b) describes anger as “a foreign deity in a person’s body.” Anger is a type of avodah zarah (idol worship) in that one who grows angry fails to acknowledge G-d’s control over the world.

Totally agree on the avoda zara terminology, but in the case of addiction the feeling that you are an avoda zara is the goal, anger is just one way to generate that feeling. It even *feels* contrived.

Releasing anger after you already have it is a terrible idea. If someone has an anger problem the can get better only if they stop creating their anger.

I fear that the battle between the people that deep down think addiction is not really a disease and the people that do will never end. I think it's okay because it's a choice of how you look at the world. If you have enough distractions and protections you can be an alcoholic your whole life and be fine. Winston Churchill was probably like that. A lot of frum yidden probably are sex addicts at heart and it's okay because they have a wife who wants to save them, so it never becomes a big problem. I say go for it ...

anonymous.lost.everything wrote on 22 Oct 2021 17:27:

you might be right. i actually have that battle with myself. i don't know what to believe. i'm pretty sure i was born normal. yet, at 14, i know i wasn't - in this regard. i wasn't scarred, abused or an emotional mess, simply addicted to sex, or a sex addict. still am.