Can't wait

NU



Beep beep

Here it is guys.

Let's gettir goin.

Birshusi wrote:

I believe things are looking up for you young man!
אני לא נביא ולא בן נביא ולא פלוני בן אלמוני, אבל
My binoculars tell me you're heading to sobriety 

Birshusi wrote on 03 May 2016 20:52:

There are many differant ways that lusting can take shape. Spying is just one of them. If it was me, i'd take those binos , open my window (not the one facing the nieghbor) and throw them as far as i can. I've put phones in th sink and cracked a laptop (both cases, they were not my regular ones. They were bought for bad) sounds nuts - extreme no? But so is watching p###. That will help for the moment. It's an emergancy measure to stop when you think you won't. But if thats all we do, it will come up again, and again. We need to deal with the cause of the lust. Men desiring women is natural. Obsessively lusting after them is not, yet we do it for a reason. Many people here have found that the lusting is not the sorce of their problem. Rather it is the answer that their body found as th solution/distraction from a diffrent problem. Some people found their real problem to be stress, others lonley, sometimes it's being tired or board. But when we figure out whats making us unhappy, that is often the cause that is driving us to lust.

Mazel tov on your new jhf thread. 
Sg

This is something a taphsic is good for. A small localized issue. Make one for the binoculars.

Do you do exercise? It helps tremendously of rme.

Today I was mekadeish the binoculars. I used them to try to see if a spot on my lettuce was a bug or not.

And now I understand why they also needed to invent a microscope.

All kidding aside, a taphsic sounds like a good idea. I'm gonna think about that. It would probably work, and it's more likely to happen than actually destroying the binoculars.

stillgoing wrote on 04 May 2016 02:49:

I'm slowly getting closer to facing the underlying causes of my lust. While I know that I am lonely quite often, and I assume for now that that is the main issue, I'm also beginning to consider the fact that I am somewhat anxious in general, my self-confidence is not great in certain areas, and I also have a stress related habit that I can't stop. So there's a lot going on inside me. But I don't feel like I'm settled into this new way of life enough to get so nitty gritty just yet.

I can say, however, that the last two weeks have definitely been transformative, and while I'm still very much at the beginning of the process, things are looking up for me and my future.

ODAAT.

It should be with lots of hatzlacha. You are right, these things take time. Think about it. Try diffrent ideas. You seem like the kind of guy who dosn't dissmiss any idea as nonsense. Thats good, because we never know which idea will work for us, and often it's actually a combination.
KOP
KOT
KUTGW
ODAAT
SG

Birshusi wrote on 05 May 2016 00:39:

Well said.

I changed a lot since I started my journey. I realized that a lot of my personality was because I lacked confidence and was scared of certain things. I act very different these days.

Some things take time, take it slow and don't get burnt out. Real change takes time.

KUTGW and KOP

stillgoing wrote on 05 May 2016 01:35:

SG,

Can I introduce you to a new group that is forming as an offshoot of GYE. It's called AA - Acronyms Anonymous.

BST, JHF aside, AAMOF I'm still following this thread as I find it to be inspiring.
TYVM.

I think we've reached my BWQ, BWTHDIK

Instead of a taphsic, I decided to first try a stam kabbalah to keep myself away from the binoculars. The sforim say that a kabbalah gemurah is very powerful, as long as it's not too difficult to keep. I did this once before regarding computers that don't have filters and also regarding a certain website that is kosher for some but not for me. Baruch Hashem I've kept to both with only one slip-up which didn't end bad, so I'm gonna give it a try for this too.

Last night I finally told my parents that I joined GYE. They were very supportive as always, and the conversation was pretty good. But it wasn't as liberating as I thought it would be. I imagine that's because a) I've already unburdened myself to you guys  and b) because my mother had some doubts. (If it sounds awkward that my mother is involved in this, you should know that it's awkward for me too. But we are very close, and she is a mental health professional and
an addict herself (baruch Hashem more than ten year sober thanks to 12 step), so she's heard it all before and she understands it better than I do, so her input is valuable.)

It's like this: I joined GYE because I feel that I am abnormally obsessed with women. That manifested itself in a few ways, one of which is porn, and another is by not being able to control my eyes and thoughts, whenever it is and wherever I am.

Now, how do I know it's not normal? I've never asked anybody. And I can't ask you guys because we are all in the same boat. Maybe I just have to get married sooner rather than later, and I'll be fine.

Now don't get scared; I'm not going anywhere. But as I so defiantly posted in shlomo24's thread, there are certain things that have to be chalked up to being a 21 year old man, no? If I sometimes think about how wonderful it would feel to hold my wife's hand, how can that be labeled an addiction? If I wish I could have a tight hug with a woman I love, should that be a reason for me to go on 12 step calls? Porn is bad of course, but maybe it's just the natural progression of things: I'm love starved, I want affection(and I get both from my parents, but I want affection from a girl who I connect with. I don't think that needs any more explanation.), and if I can't have it, my mind is going to try to find the next "best" thing. I know everyone says that marriage doesn't solve your problems, but that's exactly it: Do I really have a problem?

My mother put it very well: I'm a thirsty man in a desert and I'm surround by waterfalls.

I think a very important part of this journey from me is to pinpoint exactly what I'm trying to accomplish here. I'm not sure it deserves to be labeled "recovery." It's very in style on here to call yourself an addict, and it's definitely a good thing for many people. But I'm not convinced that it applies to me.

Instead, I'm now thinking of GYE as a sort of mussar vaad like they used to have in old yeshivas, where the members of the vaad helped each other to improve their middos and to fight the YH. That's what I need, and baruch Hashem that's what I've been getting.

But as always, I'm a work in progress, on a journey to understand myself and to learn how to remain a pure Yid. Tomorrow I might want to erase everything I just wrote.

ODAAT.

 

Birshusi wrote on 05 May 2016 22:21:

Erase? Too late :-)


Theres a lot of Incredible, and many valid points here that need discussing

One point; If we have a problem keeping our hands and eyes from where they shouldn't be, that's not something a Mussar Vaad has any track record that I'm aware of. Please surprise me otherwise

markz wrote on 05 May 2016 22:39:

1) I might not be able to delete it but I can erase the words.

2)How 'bout you begin the discussion? I'd like feedback. That's why I post.

3) I don't know if there was ever a mussar vaad designated for this type of discussion, but its the same idea.

I completely agree with what you wrote. There are a great many things that should be credited to the fact that you're a 21 year old man. It's the strongest tayvah we have. Just because I have a tayvah to speak lashon hara and sleep late doesn't make me an addict even if I have a lot of trouble with it.

It's really important to realize how not sick it is to fantasize and lust after women. It's natural and it means that we're healthy men. We also have to control it because the torah says so. 

It's very important not to label yourself an addict. You need a mental health professional to do that not 20 questions that some guy wrote. You wouldn't diagnose a physical disease with a questionare you saw online (I hope) and you shouldn't diagnose a mental disease with one either.

Just because someone isn't an addict doesn't mean he's not using porn and masturbation to soothe himself. It's a lot harder to control ourselves when we're tired, hungry, stressed, and feeling bad about ourselves. 

You're here to get back in control of yourself. Picking up good attitudes and getting support from the oilam here is a great way to do that. Use the great resources that are here.

Someone who isn't a professional who tells others that they're addicts is a shoteh rasha v'gas ruach.