inastruggle wrote on 27 Apr 2016 06:12:

Yes, but you gotta admit that walking down Rechov Sorotzkin is pretty cool, as is our wife sitting in the chatzer with her whole oilam.

Although sometimes all the people walking down Rechov Sorotzkin can be part of the problem....

inastruggle wrote on 27 Apr 2016 06:12:

I was wondering more if loneliness and longing for an intimate relationship is in itself lust, not just if it is the cause of other behaviors.

Being a bachur is definitely great, and it's become a mantra of mine to not always be looking forward to off-Shabbosim, Bein Hazmanim, etc., because I know that these are the golden years, and I want to make the most of them before the next stage of my life. But the loneliness makes it difficult sometimes.

I like that line at the end. I know it's so true but it's easier to understand it than to feel it.
abd297 wrote on 27 Apr 2016 14:14:

That was one of the things that pushed me to join GYE finally. Shudduchim is around the corner for me, and I've seen on here before that marriage doesn't solve your problems. Marriage without this under control sounds like it would be torture, besides for the fact that I'd be dating while hiding what is essentially a dangerous mental illness.

 

I'm already at the shidduchim stage. I dillydallied until it was too late. A nice chunk of my friends are married already. I'm seriously considering pushing off shidduchim because of this. I plan on finally telling a rebbi of mine after yomtov and discussing it with him.

Take a lesson from me, don't come into shidduchim with 20 days clean.

inastruggle wrote on 28 Apr 2016 04:03:

Got it. Registered, filed away, labeled as important.

inastruggle wrote on 27 Apr 2016 06:12:

Not all marriages are created equal. Some don't require as much stress to make them good, especially in the beginning.

The "L" in HALT was a major cause of acting out for me when I was single, and in that scenario, getting married and starting out with a great relationship really helped a lot. Now, as you posted so eloquently, there are other factors that need to be dealt with. I was totally oblivious to that, and GYE was not even a glimmer in Guard's eye at the time. BH you are aware, and have better tools to help.

Hatzlacha 

Crazy day today. It's the beginning of a long week before the zman starts, and for me that always means that it'll be a week of struggling to stay pure.

So I went on cordnoy's phone call, trying to start my afternoon off right. It was fine, but I gotta warm up to it a bit before I can get involved and appreciate what's being said. It was a big move either way, calling into a lustaholic's conference. It was great to hear real Yidden sharing their thoughts about their path to sobriety.

Through the day I had some lust-triggering lonely feelings, but I was busy and being productive(!) so I was able to push them away.

And then I fell. Sorta.

I wrote in my opening post that I selfishly violate the privacy of others sometimes, which is the most shameful part of all this for me. Well, you can only spy if you can see, and being that there's a fair distance between me and one of my victim's house's, I couldn't see much the last time I tried. My lust wished that I had binoculars, and I knew that I had a pair somewhere in my house, but I didn't know where, so instead I tried using a camera to zoom in, but it didn't do much thankfully.

Today I was going through the back of my closet, and guess what I found. My binoculars. My first thought was, Oh no, I'm in trouble now. And my second thought was, Let's see how well they work; after all, my lust said, it's daytime and you won't be able to see anything, so why not try it out. And I felt totally possessed, totally powerless to fight the urge. I went to the window and aimed at my targets. Darn good binoculars they are.

Now I'm petrified that after two weeks of being on GYE and free of porn, wet dreams, and generally in control of my thoughts and eyes, I'm gonna take those binoculars tonight and once again be that pervert, that despicable dirt bag who lies in the dark, waiting for and watching people  --my wonderful, frum neighbors--who think they are safe and have privacy in their own homes, and they have no idea that their top bochur ben Torah neighbor is actually their worst nightmare, trying hard to watch them as they go about their business.

You bring back memories of my youth, just behind the last corner

Difference is I didn't have gye and now we both do!!

markz wrote on 02 May 2016 21:02:

Well I need GYE to come through for me now or it's gonna be a baaaaaaad week.

I think the first thing we gotta understand is that the binoculars is your friend

Do you have any substitute?

Birshusi wrote on 02 May 2016 20:55:

heck of a call!
heck of a share!

i tried slippin' today for over an hour; nothin' worked out.

Darn!

Birshusi wrote:

Birshus I have a surprise GYE position to bestow
Can I give you the honors?

markz wrote on 02 May 2016 21:53:

Uhhh...Sure, I guess.

It's a little complicated...

And you may get GYEs "in toilet house comedian"'s wrath

Have you got guts?
 

markz wrote on 02 May 2016 23:23:

I trust that you have my best in mind markz.

Be back after Mincha...
 

I'm back. 

Waiting to be honored.