eslaasos wrote on 21 Apr 2016 20:08:

It's weird thinking of my story as inspiring! My parents have done a good job making us feel comfortable about talking to them about anything. That being said, I haven't told them I'm on GYE, although I probably will soon. After all, I'm spending a lot of time on the computer in a corner of a room where nobody could see what I'm doing .
 

The one about the rebbi not helping out of fear of teaching me more bad things, that eslaasos had.

Birshusi, I can relate to what you're going through. I'm a 23 yr old bochur and the first time I saw porn was out of total curiosity and now 10 yrs later I'm still facing the same issues. I joined gye a couple months ago and there is much valuable resources that it has to offer. I don't feel like I'm the dark with the everyday battles that I'm facing bec I now have some background on these subjects thanx to gye. I'm no where from perfect but I'm trying to stay in the battle and i think that is key advice. Just having the mindset that u wanna win will and r gonna win help u beat the yeitzer hara
have a good Shabbos and chag kosher ve'sameach

Last night I discovered the power of saying a quick, quiet tefillah when you're in trouble. I was at a restaurant for supper, and I noticed a girl. 'Nuff said. I made sure to sit facing away from her, and most of the meal was fine. But on her way out, she was meandering right by my seat. I don't know what she was doing, but the longer she was there, the harder it was getting to keep my head down. And then I remembered to daven, and I asked Hashem to make her walk out. IMMEDIATELY, I saw her feet turn towards the door, and out she went. Soon afterwards, I got up from my seat, and I noticed some of her family members still inside the restaurant. I assume that's why she was waiting by the door, but then why did she decide to leave when she did? I don't know if she knew why, but I did...
Hashem wants us to be pure, He loves our efforts, and He will help us to succeed.

Chag Kosher V'Sameiach GYE!

It's like asking Hashem to destroy your iPhone, computer...
anything else?

Good to hear you're connected to Gd

learnt from Dov (checkout his quotes), in such a situation

try daven the following

Hashem "the girl standing next to me, that will hopefully leave soon, please protect her that she doesn't get knocked over as a crazy trucker driver speeds by the store. Please give her health, a good job... a happy future.. If she's my basherte, may she not throw too many tantrums..."
Anything else?

Can you see the difference between the 2 prayers?

Happy Pesach my friend

I prefer davening the way Birshusi did it. Hashem, please get her the heck away from me. I feel likefor her makes me think about her even more and I start wondering about her health, job etc.

I haven't done it that many times though so no definite statement here.

inastruggle wrote on 22 Apr 2016 18:49:

Maskim. 

At first I thought markz was saying that I should daven that I shouldn't be that crazy driver, plowing through the store and hurting her by taking advantage of her, objectifying her, etc. This way the tefillah is focused on my recovery and I'm not just davening for a temporary Band-Aid that is her walking away

Not sure which is better.

I always feel so lonely on Chol Hamoed. Even if I'm with family all day, I always get lonely by the end of the day, especially in the car on the way home. It makes me wonder if my lust problem stems from loneliness, from a lack of a real, deep, intimate relationship. I always see these happy young couples enjoying the day together, and I so wish it was me. Is that also a problem I need to tackle, or is it just normal for me, a mature 21 year old, to be wishing I had a wife?

Yes it's 100% normal.

Inastruggle may have other ideas...

If you can get lust under control before marriage, you marriage will hopefully be only full of connection and intimacy

And you won't forget your friends from gye then, I hope

KEEP ON TRUCKING OMAAT

I am John Gursha sex addict married and has bisexual sex mostly with men.I have been sober from porn 4 months and from sexual activity 8 months still unfortunately lust for men. My married I believe will be over soon not because of my addiction due to a sexless marriage and many other differences I have been married 30 years with 2 adult children. the marriage ending might be a G-ds end according to my rabbi.

you are a brave person to reach out to your dad for help.I suppose you wanted out of your pain and guilt and shame. congrstulstions keep up the good work.

Birshusi this is ina's opinion

Take it or leave it
inastruggle wrote on 22 Apr 2016 16:24:


 

Hey birshusi, same here!!!!!

Thank you mark.

Now for those of us who didn't take the good advice from the nice guy in the hoodie ( I think he's chassidish??) we do need to deal with our mistakes.

I'm not married and only slightly older than you. I feel lonely as well sometimes. It may be because I'm not married, it may not be.  I don't think anyone's lust problem comes from being lonely. 

There are two parts to our problem. There's the physical urge, that might be helped a little by marriage. Might not, whatever, I've heard both from married friends.

Then there's the mental urge. Generally when we're in a bad state, we have a harder time controlling ourselves. This isn't only in regard to lust it's with dieting and other choices as well. We only have a limited amount of fuel and being in a bad situation takes more fuel.

There's an acronym named HALT, it stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Those are four common situation that make it harder for us to control ourselves.

So feeling lonely does make it harder to control ourselves but I don't think that it's the cause of the problem. 

Getting married brings it's own stresses that we don't have right now. Maybe you'll be less lonely but you also might be way more stressed even if your marriage is good (which it won't be unless you put work into it, which is its own stress).

Your comment about the couples bring to mine something I heard b'shem a wise man. He said that bachurim think that being married is walking down rechov sorotzkin with your wife on shabbos. You have to realize that that has nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is when you're inside the apartment. (I'm paraphrasing here)

I just touched on about five important points here. I'm too lazy to elaborate, and I don't want to make this post too long. That's all for now folks.

 

I'm a little younger but I often have similar thoughts. I think it's a real motivation to get clean so I can get married in a healthy way. Also, it's possible that these thoughts can be satisfied through stronger relationships with relatives, friends, or mentors.