It seems there's been an uptick in new users. I used to get excited when new people came, because it felt good to compare my new self to their state of just starting out.

But going through a bunch of them just now made me depressed. There are so many people who are struggling--suffering--so painfully, and many of them seem to disappear after their first post. What's going to be with them?

I keep realizing that my struggles are almost child's play compared to what others are going through. It's just me, my brain and my computer, while they are ruining the lives of their wives and kids, doing things with other real live people.

It hurts me to see it. What's going to be with Klal Yisrael? 

Instead of feeling grateful that Hashem has made my issues easier to deal with than others', I'm sitting here feeling sad.

Hi birshusi

Sounds tough...

Are you Mighty?

 

Not sure what you mean.

For me connection is a big thing

Hows it doing with your chavrusas
Hows it doing with your Rebeim
How it doing with your friends on gye

Markz wrote on 01 Jul 2016 21:47:

Interesting.

My chavrusahs aren't too good this zman.
My relationship with my Rebbi is fine, but not as close as I would like. He's busy, and I recently had a conversation with him about my future that wasn't as satisfying as I had hope. Also, I still need to tell him about my "stuff".
My friends on GYE are great as always, but I wish I'd be more, well, connected.

If you read my story you'd understand that for me this forum is a great communication tool

A neurotypical gye will benefit from a real life connection with someone

One thing gye helps with is allowing open and honest sharing, which fosters better closer relationships, when you're ready for it

Its imperative IMHO to put yourself out to try set a "David and Yonasan friendship"

This is one tool, which works, and takes some work, possibly a Rebbi you look upto can fill some of this for you, when you're ready for it

I have just 1 question
What you gonna do in the meanwhile

Markz wrote on 01 Jul 2016 22:09:

A real human connection would do me good, not doubt about it.

In the meantime, I'll just keep on trucking, using the tools that I've learned so far.

hey so I just scanned through a whole bunch of your posts. I can relate to your story from the beginning until now. You should know that your battle has been an inspiration to many, including myself. Think about the billions of people out there and the small handful of jews and even in that small handful there is a smaller amount of those yidden who want kedusha and amongst those there are even a smaller amount who sttuggle like us... You and i and this amazing community have been chosen by hashem to try and overcome the gretest battle perhaps in history. What does that say about how hashem views us? I wonder... It gives me strength. One piece of advice... Maintain a strong presence on gye. Hatzlocha rabba

truevision wrote on 03 Jul 2016 03:31:

Thanks for the chizuk and kind words. It goes a long way.

I reached a new milestone tonight, speaking to innastruggle over the phone. It was a really good conversation, and I have a new appreciation for the power of GYE to bring Yidden together to help each other in this struggle. 

It's definitely different now that I've used my real voice, my real-time thoughts and feelings, to connect with a member of the community. I now feel more personally connected, to inna obviously, but to the forums and the process of recovery in general.

Bezras Hashem this will lead to aliyah and hatzlacha going forward.

Let's keep the ball rolling!

Just not feeling good this week. I had to travel out of town one day, and there were so many things to lust at for most of the trip. It was a disaster. I spent much of the car ride looking out the window at the people on the sidewalk, and my lust got what it wanted. I managed to take off my glasses for a couple of minutes, but it got annoying so I put them back on and went back to gazing.

I sat through a couple of shiurim this week, totally spacing out and having thoughts and fantasies. I just can't make it stop. I davened a couple of times, but it only helped for a few minutes. The blow-it-up method helped once, but it didn't keep the thoughts from coming back. Then today I was trying to nap, and I just couldn't clear my head from various lustful thoughts.

And the honest truth is: I was enjoying the thoughts.

I know that my current life circumstances are ripe for a "luster" to be overcome with lust. I recognize the triggers. And I feel like I can't do anything about it.

I'd like to expound upon what Birshusi wrote. He's saying that there are stressors in his life. He recognizes them.

Now what? 

How do you deal with stress?

We had a discussion about this but he I can definitely use some advice from the oilam on how they deal with stress.

Hi, my name is thanks613 and I have a problem with lust. 

If I follow the last few posts correctly, Birshusi is having trouble with summer triggers, not so much life stress.

As I said, I have a problem with lust, and I am currently clean for 5 days today.  For what it's worth, it recently dawned on me that, although I am a "luster", it doesn't mean I have to lust.  Believing that I am not fated to act out actually helps for me.  

Also, sometimes it is little things that bring me back to reality.  For example, on Shabbos I was playing with an 8-year-old kid.  She was so happy just being her normal happy and spunky self, and we had a good time playing the games that she wanted to do.  Having that very normal and healthy experience of interacting with a child like that helped remind me that there are many things in life to focus on aside from my lust.  If I can only get out of my own head long enough to see and feel them.  Don't know if this is making sense to you, but I suspect that when any of us look around and think about the people around us, we can find reasons to have new purpose and begin to reconnect with the reality of life rather than focusing on the obsession of lust. 

GL

I feel for you Birshusi .  Been there done that.  Out of control is not a fun place to be.

thanks613 wrote on 10 Jul 2016 17:38:

You are correct that summer makes things hard for me, but the fact that I've had some difficulty in yeshiva these last few week has made it much more difficult to handle and restrain the lusting. 

It's not like I have trouble only when I find myself in a situation like that car ride through Prustville that I shared earlier. My lust will make me go to places where I can find women to lust after. I am currently struggling with the fact that everyday by bein hasdorim, I am tempted to stand out on the street, peering into the driver's side window of every passing car, looking to satisfy my lust.

The reason I do that is because I feel the need for an escape, a thrill, a way to give myself a good feeling to replace the bad feelings that filled my mind during the difficult seder that preceded my break.

That is the trigger; summertime just helps to fulfill the urge.